I need to pick your brains...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
I need to pick your brains...
16
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 6:27pm

I read an article once that stated as a man becomes more secure in a relationship the frequency at which he communicates (phone/email) will drop off. Sometimes significantly. I also read, and I can't remember if it was that same article, that he can also start changing his "priorities". For example, in the "pursuit" stage he may skip a BNO or leave work early to keep a date, whereas later on that may change. The things he put on hold in the beginning start to re-establish their place in his life.

I also recall that neither of these situations were necessarily an indication of a lack of interest. Just a guy feeling SO scure that he didn't need to continue "chasing" his love interest.

I would like to know what everyone thinks of this and if they have ever experienced this themselves.

I only ask because (yeah, you guessed it) this seems to be a pattern that's forming in my current r'ship (6 months). I guess we're just passing into a more "comfortable" stage?

I don't really think there's anything significantly wrong. No feeling of doom. Just kind of has me scratching my head! LOL

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 7:09pm

I think as a relationship progresses and each person becomes more comfortable with the other, that they do start to take eachother for granted and don't go out on a limb to do those special things like they used to. In the beginning stages of the relationship they change their lives to incorporate the person into their lives, but as soon as they know that they have you, then they want you to "fit" into their lives and the altering becomes less, unfortunately. It's just how life is I guess.

Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 7:17pm

Well, I believe relationships do go in stages.

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 7:21pm

luv2004....


Pianoguy agrees with sunshine's comments.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 7:30pm

This is what a friend wrote me about this topic which fits this post (we had this conversation a month ago, he said I could post):


 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 9:37pm

<>

LOL...I hope you didn't mean me? :)

<>

I think it will dissolve if the neglected party doesn't understand where it's coming from. That it's not out of malice. Now how one deicides to deal with it is another story..or, um, post.

For me this is uncharted territory. The last time I had anything that resmebles a relationship was with my late husband 25 years ago and, quite frankly, I can't remember back that far! Really, I don't recall how our relationship evolved. Oh well, another premature senior moment! LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 10:09pm

I'm glad I'm not a sports addict! LOL

winter oylmpics. occasionally summer oylmpics, women's diving,
can't help that one !!!!!

an occasional really, really big game. It has to be the Big One.

I guess if I was married we'd be doing some things twice a day!!!!! LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 10:46am

small_peanut...


Pianoguy thinks you've hit the nail on the head......EXCELLENT RESPONSE!


Best wishes and warm thoughts....


PG

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 11:09am

Thanks to all of you.

SP...That is an excellent post. Tell your friend thank you for allowing you to post it.

Now, another question has come to mind. Should I continue to call and email him same as I always have now that he a changed "gears"? OR Should I match his pattern and frequency?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 11:35am

Just an opinion of a woman with many brothers.

I think the worst thing you can do is make up for his shortcomings. I mean that, if you start doing his job he will let you take over. If it's true that men slack off once the pursuit is over (and I do believe that), then it's also very true that the more you do for them the less they do for you. I don't think you want that to happen, do you? You would end up feeling miserable.

I would match pace with a bf. If he wants more he can ask for it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 11:44am

I think you need to do what you WANT to do otherwise it’s a game.

 
 

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