I need to pick your brains...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
I need to pick your brains...
16
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 6:27pm

I read an article once that stated as a man becomes more secure in a relationship the frequency at which he communicates (phone/email) will drop off. Sometimes significantly. I also read, and I can't remember if it was that same article, that he can also start changing his "priorities". For example, in the "pursuit" stage he may skip a BNO or leave work early to keep a date, whereas later on that may change. The things he put on hold in the beginning start to re-establish their place in his life.

I also recall that neither of these situations were necessarily an indication of a lack of interest. Just a guy feeling SO scure that he didn't need to continue "chasing" his love interest.

I would like to know what everyone thinks of this and if they have ever experienced this themselves.

I only ask because (yeah, you guessed it) this seems to be a pattern that's forming in my current r'ship (6 months). I guess we're just passing into a more "comfortable" stage?

I don't really think there's anything significantly wrong. No feeling of doom. Just kind of has me scratching my head! LOL

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 12:41pm

Thanks SP and Amjay. The odd thing is I agree with both of you. On the one hand I don't want to play games (never have), but on the other, I don't want to create a situation like Amjay describes. Hmmmm....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 12:46pm

Excel is a good tool. Just set up a couple columns.

-He called
-I called

-He decided what to do on a date
-I decided what to do

Monthly you can figure out - perhaps by percentages - where the division of responsibility fell. As the volume of tracking grows you might even consider a PDA or another type of tracking device which would allow ad hoc tracking of stuff while you were on the road or on a date, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 12:50pm

Look at it this way-you’ve been together for 6 months (you didn’t just meet) he’s in it so far for the long haul.

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2005
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 3:43pm
oh wow, thank goodness I read this thread before I posted because it would have been EXACTLY the same question. And the first post was so telling, that someone's level of attention can just drop off dramatically at some point. I kind of think 2 months is little early for that much dropping off - still don't know what to think. So far, I've done nothing. We're 3,000 miles away, what would I do anyway? And it's just 2 months. What this thread did for me, though is validate the path of "do nothing."
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 4:37pm

<>

That is exactly the conclusion I've come to. Including the phrase "screw it". LOL
I've decided that I have had a full day of angst over this and I'm done. Thanks SP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 4:45pm

LG, I can't tell sometimes when you're kidding and when you're not. But I got a chuckle from it anyway.

And, no, I'm NOT looking to go tit for tat on this. I was just trying to get a feel for what the heck is going on. Just being insecure little me. :)

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