I need some advice on responding to an online personals profile

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2002
I need some advice on responding to an online personals profile
Sun, 07-28-2013 - 3:52am

I want to respond to a few female personal ads. I would appreciate any advice you can give me ? Is it better to write something that is a page or paragraph long or maybe just a few sentences ?

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006

I think two to three short paragraphs is about right. Be sure to comment and ask questions about something in her profile (e.g. "I like to ski, too!") Don't overdo it with comments about her appearance. Don't make sexual comments. Don't ask for her phone number or to meet in the first email. 

Don't use up space talking/bragging about yourself. Don't repeat things that are already in your profile. And for heaven's sake, don't copy/paste a generic message to all the women, we can tell. 

Be sure to ask a question--then it's more like a conversation. (e.g. "Where is your favorite place to ski?") And remember: don't take it personally if they don't reply. I hear that men may send out 50 emails and only hear back from a few. It's just the way it is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Whatever you do, please don't just write "hi."  Every time I got that, I'd think seriously, you couldn't take 5 minutes to think up a couple of things to say or it seems like you are just writing to everyone.  Don't write something very long but write something that lets her know that you actually read her profile and aren't sending the same things to a bunch of women.  And use spell check or read it over before you send for grammar and spelling errors--you don't want to appear dumb on your first impression.

Avatar for purp2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2010

Yes, spelling is very important. It's your first impression.

For a first contact I would not go for more than 3 points:

1. Why you are contacting her (something from her profile like nice smile, interesting hobbie, etc)

2. A short line about yourself (what you are currently doing or looking for)

3. A reason for her to write back (best if it's in question form and can be tied to number 1 above)

Try to make it as short as possible while still covering the 3 points. Any longer than a paragraph or 2 and it looks like you are trying too hard. For subsequent communication you may want to go on a bit longer, but don't forget to give her a reason to respond to each one, not just paragraphs about what you are doing and dragging things out.

I prefer to move to a phone call or a coffee/walk meeting as soon as possible. This avoids the problems that happen when we communicate for too long without meeting. You start to form an idea of who the person is and what they will be like.

You don't really start to get to know someone until you actually meet in person (skype does not count). And unless you are looking for penpals, it's best keep the emails short and to the point.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2002

Very good advise!!