I need some big advice its long full warning please read it all

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
I need some big advice its long full warning please read it all
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 5:40pm

First off im really upset and im so sorry with my mispellings and peniship.. Ok here it goes in march of this year i meet a guy on a dating site..i added him on messenger off and on we would talk..


First week in may i got offline message on my messenger telling me to stay away from him..He my man leave him alone..you dont sleep here..this is first i knew he had girlfriend..This first time i knew his first and last name she gave it..i wasnt sure what to think i asked him do you have a girlfriend he said no do you have girlfriend i asked him again he said no..well then i said this is id she gave me to get hold of her at..he confessed about having one and is going break up with her that night..i wasnt really sure if i should trust him or not..


but  week later it was mothers he wanted to come to my area I said no my sister is here.. so he didnt come down..he told me how this gal named jen would see god and had alot email accounts and i was kinda afraid because i didnt know what kind person she was really..he got me point i feared for his kids safety and his kids saftey..with what he was saying about her..and is going be friends with her for the kids sake ..his kids and her kids get along great..and they need him in their life.

he changed email accounts saying the other one got hacked into ..and asked if i was mad at him i said no those things happen but  i tried emailing on that one it was never email account..meaning he had 2 diffrent profiles but i thought ok ..

I thought well maybe im being silly when it comes to this we would just talk and get to know one another ..we would talk on messenger  every night ..he gave me his number but i never felt comfortable giving, mine untill i meet him in person..end of may he told people on the chat place lea the one for me and she the one that says when we meet she in charge . he would show me on webcam..his face and stuff..i would say hi to his kids if i saw them behind him..his kids are  20 16 12 14

i started getting feelings for him i could see he and i  togther a long time..well their was a big rodeo up in his area  3 hours from my place..I didnt feel comfortable going by myself ..and my friends all had plans that weekned..i wanted to meet him in my own area..where everybody knew me..


well first week in july he said he wasnt going be on as much with putting fence in 100 degree weather..second week i went into the chat place where he and i meet and he was calling women hot and he was looking for a farm girl..and he came on messenger said i didnt see you on..he wasnt looking for anybody but one of my friends told me to get on their and saw what he was doing and i had the same id that he and i meet on.. i blocked him the next day..


i emailed jen and told her recently im so sorry i broke them two up..i had no idea he had gf untill you sent me that offline message..she said i wasnt at my fault..and asked what was going on..i said he gave up on me..she told me i was the blame saying i hurt his kids and made them upset for not going to that rodeo,i hurt him,he put you meaning me first over the kids..i made his daughter cry..his daughter is in wheel chair  and in diapers..saying you only have yourself to blame for not meeting him..that him and her are back togther..you could meet him in may but you choose not too..you could of trusted him second week in may but you didnt.. you have yourself only to blame..not him..


i felt so terriable..I told her im new to this online dating stuff world.. i wanted be able to feel like i could trust him..she said you could of..

was i out ofline did i hurt everybody ?was i wrong waiting so long that i did and was i wrong not wanting to trust him right off the bat.. help me please i need closure..






iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Because of the reason that it's hard to meet someone who is a distance away, I would just never do OLD for anyone who is more than an hour away from me.  I want to do a few emails, maybe a couple of phone calls--and that's it--we have to meet right away.  I would never go on for months on IM w/o meeting someone in person.  I think it's a big waste of time.  And if you didn't want to drive to his area since it's 3 hrs away, what prevented him from coming to see you?  Why did you have to tell him not to come down just because your sister was there -- or why couldn't you each drive 1 1/2 hrs & meet in the middle?  The fact that his children are "hurt" is ridiculous--what business does he have involving his kids in his dating life w/ someone he hasn't even met yet?  I think the guy is wierd and probably a liar and you are lucky not to meet him.  From now on, stick to men in your area so you can meet in person faster and don't spend all this time on line w/ them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006

I agree too..he was just playing games with you.when you found out that he had a gf..you should have NOT kept talking to him period.People like that will get their own in the end.Also who tells theirs kids stuff about their dating lives anyways...especially if you guys haven't even met??!!Weird!!

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

There is no way to know what the real truthful story is.  She could be lying he could be lying both could be lying.  Not meeting in the flesh is the deciding factor.  I recommend never not meeting asap.  After all as long as it is in cyberspace you do not really know.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2000

I'm sorry, you were contacted by a jerk.  I haven't tried on-line dating because of your situation.  Plus, I believe that so many people lie and lie always.  How do you know he has a daughter in a wheel chair?   Plus, if he does have kids, they bounce back.  He brought all of this mess on himself.  I wouldn't worry about it.  Life goes on.