I need some opinions on my letter

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2002
I need some opinions on my letter
Thu, 02-18-2010 - 5:57am
Here is a sample letter i sent to some one on one of the online dating sites i am a member of. could you please read my letter and tell me what you think ? Anything I can add, delete or say differently to make my letter better ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2008
Thu, 02-18-2010 - 7:28am
It's a nice first try.
Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Thu, 02-18-2010 - 11:15am

I think it's good that you say you would like to get to know her better and that you point out things you have in common, although exercising, sports and music are a little bit vague. Now, this is just me, but I'm tired of hearing from men who say they are "passionate,"--quite a few say that. It also has a bit of a sexual overtone to it, even though I know that's not how you are meaning it.

I think you may want to edit down the whole part about cooking. Believe me, most women would love to be with a man who cooks (including me!) but there's no need to tell her you graduated at the top of your class, it's a little braggy. Also, and this is just me, but I've never been crazy about the expression "shoot me an email". It seems kind of business-y. You could just end by saying you hope to hear from her, but I would leave off "If not, I wish you luck in your search."

You may wish to comment very specifically about something she has in her profile (favorite author? Hang-gliding in South America?) and maybe you do. The key is to act interested in her and what she does. She can go read your profile and find out more.

I hope I didn't come across too critical. Overall, it's a decent letter. And if I had received this letter from you, and I liked your photos, I would probably have answered you, and certainly would have looked at your profile. Just like guys, women really look at the pictures.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 02-18-2010 - 4:27pm

It's oddly both too vague and too long at the same time. Instead of the vague list of exercise, sports, music, and food, instead give personal examples such as "I see you enjoy running, I'm an avid mountain biker but enjoy running sometimes too at X". Give her examples of exactly what you saw rather than a generic list. Same music, mention a band you like and ask if she's seen them. Sports, ask who her favorite team is. Food, here is an excellent opportunity to bring up the fact that you've been to culinary school (leave out the top of the class business) and tell her you can make some food she said she likes. And there are too many "enjoys" in there. If you go with examples, those should go down but there are 4 in that one long run on sentence so try to cut back or find a thesaurus.

I'd then cut it all out starting at the sentence about being passionate. That is all stuff that should be in your profile. If it is, don't rehash it in the email. If it's not, that's where it should be. I don't mind the shoot me an email, but you could just tell her to check out your profile and that you hope to hear from her.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2002
Sat, 02-20-2010 - 4:41am
thanks for the advice
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2009
Sat, 02-20-2010 - 6:44am

To me, it sounds very practiced to me, like a form letter.

I prefer to get, & write, something short & sweet. B/c ... i feel if you are already contacting the person, its obvious that you are interested in knowing them more & you feel you have some things in common.

I used to tend to