I shouldn't care, but.....(Venting)
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I shouldn't care, but.....(Venting)
| Tue, 03-22-2005 - 11:38pm |
So I'm totally happy to have Ricky in my life.
| Tue, 03-22-2005 - 11:38pm |
So I'm totally happy to have Ricky in my life.
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Sounds to me like you're more nervous that your leaving the dating stage and approaching the "serious" stage - which I think is completely normal and one where you do a "final ok" to look and see if there is anything that you've overlooked in your infatuation.
Friends and family are never going to agree 100% on anything.
Hey, venting is our business, non?
Could you be seeing your friend's mostly-unspoken disagreement as critisizing your judgment?
If I knew her I would tell her to save her breath. There isn't a woman in the world whose friends have not tried to caution her away from a man, without success, and I include myself. Like lg says, you can't please everyone, every time.
How dare she critisize Rickie! But can you step away a little from what you are hearing and look at what she is seeing? This is where her comments are coming from. Could be that not seeing your friends as much + checking in when you've been out alone + only 4 months together = trouble, in her experience.
What I mean to say is, she isn't critisizing you but trying to be a good friend in the only way she knows how.
Edited 3/23/2005 9:36 am ET ET by amjay45
Sounds to me like he is a sweet and caring guy, not over protective. As for people's opinions about OLD sometimes they change...sometimes they don't. Do you think she may feel left out because you have a boyfriend? Maybe feeling neglected cause you spend time with him rather than her? Sounds to me like these are her issues and not really something that is wrong with the relationship between you guys. I know this may not help. It is always bad when a friend does not get along with your guy.
CGUN, I know how hard it is when you have a 'disapproving' friend. I have one who is just not happy in her life -- and finds something wrong with every guy I have liked, because (i think) it means that I will be 'happier' than she is and also no longer alone, as she is. I just try to make allowances for that and be sensitive to how it makes her feel to see me with somebody who cares for me. I would never rub it in her face but I recall when I was single and felt like everybody had somebody except me and it just made me downright cranky.
The update which I have not posted is that I am back with my former BF -- he's been disposing of some of the issues in his life that were problems for us, (he's closing his business, and though it's horribly painful for him to do so, there is at least a light at the end of the tunnel when he won't be working 100 hours a week anymore)and so far we are doing pretty well. He says he doesn't want to lose me again, and somehow it feels different. So at the moment, at least, I'm happy with him.
sposa, this is great news!! Congratulations, and I hope you are enjoying yourself?!
amjay
Hi Staceygirl,
Well, first of all, I have not read the other posts here yet, as I am just in, in between errands and job, and wanted to write to you...but, I bet they are saying the same!
I am wondering if there is not a Liiiitle bit of jealousy on the part of your friend? Some people let envy get the best of them, even when they do treasure your friendship, as I am sure is the case, but...
Plus, WHO CARES what others think, if he makes you happy?! Case in point: my best pal of 33 years, now married to an older man that I am sure people might make comments about...But, he makes her feel wonderful and he Does love and care for her, and she, Him. Like her, it is YOUR planet and Your choice!
As for the calling when you get in, I do Not see that as controlling, I see that as his Concern for you, and how nice!!! :)
Good to vent this here and try to let it roll off your back at this point, all though it sucks when you are happy, and someone wants to step on your tail and hold you back!
You Be You--that is Wonderful, and they...can Bite you!(oh,and turn it around--would they Not be giving you holy cra* ,if you so much as made a peep about a man they Chose!?)
Brat this!
truly,
Cupcake
Vent away, Stace! I agree with everyone that says that it is probably some jealousy on her part and her feeling left out. Is she without a boyfriend right now or in a not-so-happy relationship? Believe me - that makes a big difference in how people think about these things and I speak from personal experience. If you'll remember my post a couple weeks ago about my friend that recently started seeing a new guy and couldn't stop talking about him. That was tough on me but when I thought about it, I realized that I was jealous too because I have been trying for so long to find someone good and she hasn't been trying at all and then gets this guy she brings home from a bar who right away wants to be her boyfriend. I've since met him and he seems nice and she seems happy so I am happy for her but it is tough sometimes for the single friends to be accepting.
But it is her problem, not yours and you shouldn't feel any obligation to make her change her mind or feel any differently. Probaly if she felt better about herself as a person, she wouldn't be feeling this way but there is nothing you can do about that. You might ask her to tell you straight out what she doesn't like about him and that she can give it to you straight. It might not change things, but it might clear the air and make you both feel better instead of the sniping and blowouts.
Thank you, everyone!
Thanks, Vexer!
It's kind of a double-edged sword, isn't it? On the one hand, we want our family and friends to be honest and open with us. I know that after one relationship I had, several friends said "You know, NGOL, we thought she kind of treated you crummy or wasn't as into you as she should have been, there were some warning signs..."
And I'm thinking to myself "Why the heck didn't you tell me that BEFORE!??" :)
So we want our friends/family to tell us the truth, and feel secure in doing so, and we want ourselves to be able to take it.
On the other hand, they might have something to say that we don't like or agree with. It might not be true and accurate, either- it's one thing when EVERYONE hates your bf/gf, but if it's a mixed set of opinions then obviously someone's going to be wrong! :)
I'd say that with this particular friend, CG, it's just how she is to some extent. If you really love/care for her as a friend, then you must know how she is- and you've got to take the bad (overly critical) with the good (whatever that is) in your relationship.
Just appreciate that she gives a rip enough to tell you, smile, thank her, and then do whatever the heck you want anyway. :)
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