I think age has a big impact....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
I think age has a big impact....
23
Sun, 08-20-2006 - 8:51am

I've been contemplating my recent OLD experience which wasn't good. I am 51. I've been at this, on and off, for 3 years. I had a hiatus of about 1.5 years as I was in a r'ship (on and off...lol). This time I was on Match and eHarmony simultaneously for 5 months.

I feel fairly confident that my profile/pics are pretty good, but very few matches on EH and very little contact of any kind on Match. Yes, I sent out winks and emails on my own and initiated communication on EH. I had matches close on me on EH and many times the reason was "age difference." Um, OK...but the guys were in their late 40's/early fifties!

One I guy that I actually got to a date with told me he doesn't usually date women "my age", but since I had such a "young" look, he thought he'd give me a try. He was 49!!!!

I don't know. Maybe I'm being a little sensitive about this as my XBF basically dumped me for a woman who is 20 years younger than I am/he is. However, I have the distinct feeling that men just plain prefer younger women.

I understand that is their preference and are entitled to that, but what can a gal do? I read an article that suggested looking for men in an age group that would be interested in my age. Um OK...if I go by the men who appear to be interested that would like 60+! I'm sorry, but most of these guys look like they could be grandfather and that is just not "appealing." I am not out here just to "date." I'm looking for an LTR leading to marriage.

I mean the dating pool is shallow enough at this end, but then to "loose" whatever prosepcts there may be is so discouraging and disappointing!

My subs to both have expired and I am not renewing at this time. Arrrgghhh!!!!




Edited 8/20/2006 8:56 am ET by luv2004

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Sun, 08-20-2006 - 10:46am

Hi Luv2004

OLD can be discouraging, I’m 55 and have been trying this since January 2006. I’ve done two sites for each 3 month run. After the first 3 months I wanted to give up on OLD, I got very few contacts. I did like you and sent out emails, winks and the communication questions with eHarmony, with limited results. I finally came to the conclusion that if a guy is interested in me he will initiate the contact. In fact, if I guy doesn’t have the guts to make the first contact I’m not going to be interested in him anyway! All the guys that are looking for a gal 10-20 years younger, and yes about 90% in our age group are “dreaming” of the younger woman, I say go guy! My friends that are in their late 30’s and 40’s have NO interested in these guys, they are almost as old as their fathers and look that old to them! The guys that do date younger women pay a $$ price for the privilege, nothing in life is free, but they are willing to pay the $$...go figure!

On my second 3 month run I decided to have some FUN with this and not take it seriously, not to have any significant expectations that I will meet a quality man with OLD, but you never know and it’s an inexpensive way to meet guys. I figure some day I may hit the jackpot and find my soul mate, so I’ve got nothing to lose with OLD and can have some fun in the process. So I decided to get some good photos, went to Glamour Shots and got professional photos, they are not “glamorous” but are “good” photos of what I look like everyday. I took the eHarmony tests again and with the new photos still no results. Match produced the most winks/results/contacts and I have met 8 guys from match the past 3 months. If I don’t get results I also rewrite my profile. Although I carefully screen the guys by email, then phone conversations, the quality of the guys I met have been far below my requirements after a face-to-face meeting. I believe my work is sorting through the hundreds/thousands of guys on OLD to find my life partner.

Now into my third 3 month run, I’m still on Match with disappointing results; guys far below my requirements are contacting me. I joined PerfectMatch and getting the same disappointing results there. Had given up on eHarmony and my Aunt called last Sunday to share what was on Robert Schullers Sunday program, it was Dr. Clark from eHarmony. Ok I’m thinking millions watch his Sunday program and this free publicity may really increase the eHarmony potential pool of guys. So I did the questions again (I know I’ve changed and grown in the past 3 months and want my current true “characteristics” reflected). Well, I must have been right about the free publicity and eHarmony. I joined last week and have already gotten 27 matches in my area, of course 6 have already closed me (they prefer to date women in their 40’s…go figure!), and I’m communicating with 3 right now. I think many of the guys have put their profile on eHarmony and sent out the “free” first contact to see what kind of results they would get before joining, but this gives me hope that there are guys in our age range that are looking for a woman with similar characteristics. I may have gotten 20 matches in my first 6 months on eHarmony, now there are 27 in one week! I do believe eHarmony has a much higher quality of man than any of the other dating sites.

Luv2004, don’t give up! Have some FUN with the OLD and remember you have nothing to lose and everything to gain when you do meet your soul mate!

JamminJudy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Sun, 08-20-2006 - 1:02pm

So true. In real life I have seen a few men my age or older land the really younger woman. It doesn't happen too often but more often than the other way around. I also think it happens often enough to give men a lot of hope that they too can land a younger woman. It is a reality we have to accept and I must admit to a little bitterness about it. Let's face it though. Most women want older men and most men want a younger woman's looks. Most younger women look more attractive than most older women. I am 52 and have been on OLD a month and have found that most of the men who contact me are 5-10 years older. Only one man of 48 has contacted me. I don't think I am even included in the search of men 50-52. When I read the profiles, most men indicate that they are looking for a woman 10-15 years younger up to 2 years younger. A few will go their age or 2 years older.

I think this is why so many women are single at our age and eventually just give up. I do have an older friend of 58 who tells me that a lot of them get a dose of reality after they have been on the market a while and realize that the younger women are not going for them, but it usually takes them awhile before they get it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2005
Sun, 08-20-2006 - 3:27pm

I am 47 - hate to say it but I think most of the late 40's and 50's men are looking for women in their 20's and early 30's. Sometimes the 20 and 30 year old males prowl around looking for a "sugar momma" or quick sex. What the younger women don't know is if they stay with the "old men" they're likely going to have the issue of ED in their future (I don't know if Viagara is generic now - LOL).

I use on-line dating for entertainment value. I had one shot at marriage, it didn't work due to infidelity on his part - so I'm done.

Oh, and watch out for the married men online too - not bashing because there are married women out there too.

Sorry I couldn't be more optimistic......

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sun, 08-20-2006 - 4:59pm
I couldn't agree with you more....I think people who are looking for true love online are going to be sorely dissappointed. Use it for entertainment value. If it happens, great, but don't hold your breath. There ARE a lot of married men online and men who aren't looking for anything serious. Also, most men in their 40's and 50's are looking for women in their 20's and 30's. They DON'T want to date anyone their age. It's shallow and it's disappointing but it's fact. I've dated a lot of men in their 40's and they all specifically say that, that they don't want to date an older woman. Strange when you figure they're getting older too!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Sun, 08-20-2006 - 6:19pm

Well, it's nice to know I'm not crazy...I think. However, I was hoping someone would tell me I was! : )

JamminJudy said she recently received 27 matches in one week on eHarmony. That's about as many I received in 5 months! Must be the location. lol

But to everyone who said something to the effect of using OLD for "fun," well...it was at first. However, when you consistently can't even get guys to email with you or make it to a first meet, the "fun" kind of goes out of it. KWIM?

Also, if you can't use OLD to meet a potential soul mate, where do you go in our age group? I tried a "singles outing" a few months ago and it was the same thing...older men ogling the younger women. Only one or two even dared to speak with me...or other women my age.

I can't date anyone at work as I am an office manager for a medical office and it wouldn't be appropriate to date a patient.

I would really like to think there is someone out there for me. I would like to marry again.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-20-2006 - 6:54pm

I wish I knew some good alternatives to OLD for people in our age group. I have seen listings for a singles group or two in my area that is for singles 45 and over so maybe you could look for something like that? I haven't tried anything along those lines, though, because the times I've done singles events (not age specific) they've been so horrible (or rather, they were great for meeting lots of other fun, cool women, but horrible for meeting fun, cool men!). But maybe being on the younger side in a group like aimed at 45 and older would be a good thing.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2005
Sun, 08-20-2006 - 7:50pm

Unlike you, I don't want to marry again. Too painful. So perhaps I can meet someone along the way, if not - when my son leaves the roost, I'll get a few cats.

Good luck to all of us in our endeavors regarding this ever-elusive game of love.....




Edited 8/20/2006 7:52 pm ET by lifeisgrand2005
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2005
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 1:36pm
bump for av1506
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 4:11pm
Hi, I just read your post after I wrote mine about realizing that men are going for younger women. Let's just continue to believe that the right man will come along. He will!
After my subscription runs out this month, I'll probably just focus on meeting men out in everyday life.
By the way, I don't go for the much older men. I go for men around my age-max 5 years older. I really feel that the men who are in their 50s must have some issues to be going after women in their 30's, and vice versa- women going for men much much older. Anything over a 12ish year difference is questionable, in my opinion...so we don't want those men who'd actually cross the lines like that anyway. We want emotionally, mentally and morally healthy men. Right?


Edited 8/24/2006 4:14 pm ET by av1506
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 10:35pm
I didn't care for Match, too much of a meat market. E-Harmony is just too weird. I found Yahoo Personals a great site. Many "older" guys. You are right. They do want to date younger women. I am 47. Most guys my age want a woman in her early forties maybe late thirties. But, guys in their mid fifties think I'm young and hot still. So I kept it to the three to five year older range and had good results. You are right again, the over 60 crowd was too much like grampa. Men who dump women for a 20 year younger model are having issues that have nothing to do with women like us who are well kept, young at heart, confident and experienced. But, then again men are visual creatures. You do have to present a nice package. Looking tastefully younger than you are helps and that is not hard to do, though it does get expensive keeping the gray away. I wouldn't trade the age I am now for anything. These are the best years.

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