I think I got dumped..need advice?
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| Sat, 11-04-2006 - 5:59pm |
Hi everyone...I've been lurking for awhile and been reading everyone's story to try to get a better understanding of online dating but I didn't see anything thats similar to my situation so I thought I would try to get some opinions....Sorry for the long story..
Anyway, I was chatting with a this guy for a about a month and we finally met about a week ago and things started moving really quickly. And when I say moving quickly I mean I've been staying over at his house since the day we met but we haven't done anything except kiss and snuggle because I wanted to wait. I would stay over at his and leave in the morning to go home to get ready for work and then he would ask me to come over to spend time with him and we would go out to dinner or stay home to order in (from Tuesday to Tues of the followig week - crazy I know). Then on Tuesday he asks me to come over and made me a nice dinner and I'm thinking everything is fine because I leave for work on Wednesday morn and I told him that I was going to spend time with my sister that evenning and I prob won't see him until Thurs or Friday. He then calls me Wednesday night to chat a bit and I then called him on Thurs we spoke for about a min and when we said bye he said we'll talk either later on thurs night or on friday.
Then friday passes without any contact from him so I called his cell this morning and instead of picking up he pushes the end call button and the phone goes busy. I tried calling a few times becuase I thought there might be something wrong with it but it end up ringing and then I hear a busy tone. I also check his dating profile and noticed he hasn't been on it since we've been seeing each other and he doesn't come MSN so I'm totally confused.I have no clue what happened? What do you think I should do? I know its pretty early to rush to a conclusion but its odd that he puts so much effort into it and all sudden he avoids me. Thanks for your advice in advance..
Tea

He may be having a problem with his phone service so don't jump to any conclusions yet. Oh he may just have needed a breather for a day or two given how much time you spent together.
I would send him an email just saying, hey, I've been trying to call you but haven't been able to get through, so just wanted to check in and say hi.
If he doesn't respond to that or call you within another day or so, then he may well have decided this isn't working for him. It would be nice if he would let you KNOW that, of course, given how much time you spent together but unfortunately, not everyone behaves the way they should.
Sheri
Sorry for the long story again...I just can't go to anyone for advice because no one knows that I met him online so I can't get real advice without the full story...
I would love to knock on his door and ask him what the hell's going on but I won't act crazy..lol....
I thought it was kinda crazy that we spent so much time together but ever since I started chatting with him on MSN we used to chat until 3-5 in the morn and would sleep for 2 hours and then off to work. I don't believe he thinks I have no life because during the week we were seeing each other I had other plans prior to meeting him and I've kept to all them all and then I would come back to see him each night.
For example...he would asks me if the only time he gets to see me is after 7-8...and I told him yes because I'm an over achiever and I sometimes stay late at the office and would go in on Saturdays and I did just that on the Saturday we spent together and I also made plans to see my nephew on sunday and I kept to my plans and saw him after I took my nephew out.....he even offered to pay for a babysitter for my nephew to spend more time with me but I refused. That same Saturday evenning I've already made plans to go to a Halloween party with friends but he wanted to spend time with me so I invited him along and we ended going shopping for the costumes and had a great time with my friends and sister...
I'm analyzing this to death...this is whats going through my head:
1) I'm thinking that maybe he got scared of how fast we were moving and decided to back off.
2) He thinks I'm gold digger he's my sugar daddy..because he paid for EVERYTHING during the week we spent together including the halloween costumes and he only makes 50-75K...even though I make the same but I never put in a dime for anything we did..
3) He did all that to try to get into my pants and decided that it takes to much effort..and believe me he did try...
4) when he had time to breath he realize that I'm not for him because I kept trying to get him to cut his hair, stop swearing so much, and dress in clothes that would fit him properly...I know I sound little controlling...and I asked him about it but I never got my answer so I guess maybe I got my answer today...
I don't think I will call him because I don't want to chase after him...I just wish he would be man enough to come right out and tell me though....I'll just wait and see. :(
Tea
Just an update....I was right when I assumed that I got dumped...I haven't heard back from him since last Thursday...and the funny thing is I checked his profile on yahoo personal and noticed that he hasn't been on since meeting me....so I guess I scared him from dating people of the net..I didn't think I was that controlling or that bad..LOL..normally I have problems getting rid of exes...but I guess I scared the hell out of this guy..
Tea
Hi Tea :-)
I don't want this to sound harsh or anything - so if it does I apologise.
But you're "reason #4" that he may have dumped you speaks volumes for me:
4) when he had time to breath he realize that I'm not for him because I kept trying to get him to cut his hair, stop swearing so much, and dress in clothes that would fit him properly...I know I sound little controlling...and I asked him about it but I never got my answer so I guess maybe I got my answer today...
One thing it says is yes - if I were dating someone for a week and if within that week the person made reference to being dissatisfied . . . (maybe not in so many words - but suggesting the changes DOES indicate dissatisfaction) . . . with my hair, my dressing habits, and my "personality" (swearing). It may not be something I notice or am bothered by while basking in their company - - but when I have a day or two to breathe as this man has had - it may begin to creep into my mind in a negative way.
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But secondly and IMO more importantly . . . . if those are things that bother you enough to suggest change - - - why are you so concerned about losing him? Yes things were going well . . . and the hair/clothes is a matter of style (which perhaps could be changed "gently" as we've all seen "what not to wear") . . . however if he swears a tonne in your company - - within a week of meeting you - - it reflects a great deal of disrespect.
I'm not squawking about swearing as I do so myself - - but I ALWAYS keep my language clean and if I find the person I'm conversing with swears - - I slip into it in the conversation or don't edit myself so strictly.
But if you're bothered by his swearing I'd think you weren't swearing much (or at all) in his company - and I'd find it quite rude if he did so excessivley.
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If there's things you want to change about a man a week into meeting him - I don't think he's for you.
Cell phones go down from time to time and it is possible that it was down for a few hours. I've had mine not working for 1/2
Yeah, it sucks that he didn't bother to tell you that he's having second thoughts - closure is nice.
In the beginning when things seem to click so well it's easy to believe a person isn't capable of doing something like this. People do, though, and sometimes the people you least expect. My advice would be to take it much much slower next time and it's also good to introduce family and friends at a slower pace. Those are big steps and I think a guy should earn them over time, not in just a week. That is just me.
He doesn't sound like he was really what you wanted (swearing habits, clothing, etc.) anyway You even already told him how much you didn't like those habits of his just in one week! If a guy told me a list of things he didn't like about me in the first week of dating, I would move on asap, but I would probably let him know this and not just disappear.
Thank you all for you opionions...I do appreciate everyone's comments and I will try to understand and really learn from it.
I think I was just settling because I'm just so sick of being alone and people telling me that I'm too darn picky...I mean the guy was a great catch...he's highly educated, has good job, no baggage, put me on the peddlestal and looks quite attractive...but there were things that were quite bothersome to me...such as the excessive swearing and his sense of style but I was willing to let it go and not say anything. But eventually my strong personality and straight forwardness got a hold of me and I ended telling him exactly whats on my mind.....I'm not sure if this trait is good or not becuase I'm sure this is what keeps me single.....but then again I also believe that if I did find the right guy he would probably appreciate my straight forwardness and would love that about me....
Tea
Edited 11/10/2006 1:09 am ET by tealeaf72