I think I made a mistake

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
I think I made a mistake
7
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 9:27pm

I connected online with someone and we've been e-mailing for about two weeks. He seemed fairly interesting. He asked if I wanted to meet so I agreed to call him tonight and perhaps meet for coffee on Thursday. Well we talked tonight and I don't think I want to meet him after all. He was just getting home from work at 9:00 and apparently that is his usual schedule so he can accumulate time for extra vacation. That's okay I guess but he asked where I'd like to meet and I put it back on him. He doesn't usually go out for coffee. He also doesn't usually eat out. He also doesn't have caller ID because he doesn't get many phone calls. I want to date someone that has interests and friends outside of work not someone that is looking to fill in an empty life.

I said maybe we should think about a place to meet and talk tomorrow or Thursday and then came the mistake. He asked if he could call and I gave him my number. Now how do I get out of this gracefully? The conversation didn't flow well and I felt almost under pressure to keep it going. It doesn't bode well for a meeting if we couldn't chat on the pnone for 10 minutes without lulls.

So what do you think I should do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2004
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 9:48pm
A phone conversation in the beginning is always akward. Sometimes the conversations flow very nicely with someone and then when you meet there is no spark. What is the worst case scenario that could happen if you meet this guy for coffee? Probably that you aren't interested in him and say next. But you will never know unless you take the chance. Yes, it might feel like a waste of time but who knows what will happen. If you decide you don't like him...let him know you don't think the two of you would be a good match. Good luck and let us know what happens.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 10:25pm
I know you don't really want to, but I think you should meet him too. People can be very different in person than on the phone. Is he new to the area? Maybe he just doesn't know many places yet. It could work out and it might not. But you never know until you try. I usually hate these first meets too and shortly before, sometimes wind up dreading them so much I wish I could cancel. But I go and I have never had a really bad experience. As iteach said, probably the worst that will happen is that you spend an hour with the guy and it is boring and you call it a night and go home.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 4:46am

BTDT and every time I plowed ahead I regretted the meeting.

Note: The rough phone conversation is normal. The things I've regretted is going ahead even though the conversation brought out areas that I felt I wasn't compatible with. Each time I met I found all I did was verify my gut feeling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 6:51am

It isn't really so much the difficult conversation as the fact that he's never once mentioned a friend or any activity tht isn't solitary. He likes photography, great but solitary, he spent endless hours translating a family journal last winter, again solitary, loves to travel but has never mentioned doing it with another person, doesn't dine out which is a good place to meet and mingle with friends.

I'm just getting this loner vibe from him.

I think I'll play it by ear and see if he even calls.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 7:00am
If he mentions that he's a gun collector I'd definitely pass on meeting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 9:41am
I'd say go with you gut feeling. If you're truly not interested then don't waste his time or yours. If he does call I would probably say that you're going to pass on meeting. (okay -side bar - easier said than done, I'm too nice and I'd probably meet him anyway!!! LOL)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 9:59am
Some people just enjoy their own company and don't feel the need to make a lot of friends.

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