I think I've been ghosted!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
I think I've been ghosted!
19
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 1:11pm

And I am happy about it!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 1:28pm
My first coffee date lasted about 2 1/2 hrs. We met for coffee then he asked if I had had dinner yet, so then we went and got a bite to eat. I think we met at 5:30 and I was home by 8p. The other coffee dates I've had (there has only been 3 total), one lasted 1 1/2 hrs (4-5:30p) and the other was 2 hrs (6:30-8:30p). It really depends on how well you get along and if the conversation is flowing. Hey , you may not want it to end!!! LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 1:40pm
I've never been on an official "coffee date" either, but I like to keep the first meetings pretty short - an hour or so. You can have a ready excuse (made up if you'd like) to end it after an hour or you can kind of play it by ear and see how things are going so if they are going well, you can continue.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 1:40pm

Yes, sometimes ghosting is a relief ;-).

My coffee dates usually last about an hour or so, but if we are really hitting it off, I've had them last as long as two hours. I will generally be the one to end them as I don't like them to go on too long even if they are going well (and I generally have them on weekend afternoons so I do have other things planned--it's not just a line!). The coffee dates that have led to more dates have all pretty much ended with the guy asking me out again at the end of our meeting. I let the guy bring up that topic, and if he doesn't, I pretty much assume he's not interested (once in a while I'm wrong and I do hear from him, but it's pretty rare).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 3:12pm

good luck. just take it as meeting a new friend - that is how i got over the ackwardness. but honestly i'd still be OLD if it weren't for that ackwardness... go figure. but im glad you are doing it.

the guy blew you off after asking about all those days. dumb. I can't understand people sometimes.

Finding a guy who isn't flakey - priceless!

let us know how the coffee date goes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 8:24pm

Thanks girls for your input.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 8:35pm

Not to rain on your parade, but when I've encountered a guy that never asked me anything about myself, they were only looking to "fun".

I hope I'm wrong.

Claribeth

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 9:13pm
Yeah, that would make sense.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 9:24pm
Well I say wait until you see him. If on the first meet, he still talks only about himself... NEXT him for AG! ;-)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 9:31pm
Yeah...unless AG is
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 1:22am

Hi Sparkle,

The ghosting thing happens and there is no set way about how it happens, you just roll with it and move on...part of doing OLD.

The coffee meets that I have had have lasted anywhere from 45 minutes (those we weren't too interested in eachother) to about 2 hours, at which point I said I really had to get going but I really enjoyed meeting him. That's kind of a clue for the guy to say, well would you like to go out again and after you reply in a positive manner, hopefully a specific date can be agreed upon. But I have had it where we contact eachother after to set up the specifics for the next time.

But even at that point, you can't really count on it being a sure thing, because some guys will ghost even after acting so interested in you...and I'm not really sure of the reasoning behind this action or should I say lack of action... I try not to think about it too much before it happens again, not too many expectations, because if I have, then I will have put too much energy into it and will be more disappointed if it doesn't go through. Yep armour in a way, but tools of the OLD game. Otherwise you get hurt and let down too much.

You'll know when the time is right to let down your guard. Yes I agree that the whole thing is ackward. But IRL dating is ackward also at first. Just putting ourselves out there is akward! But I like the coffee meets because if you're not clicking, then it's easy to leave in a relatively short amount of time.

Oh one other thing, I like to get to the meets first so that I can be seated when they get there and not be the one who has to scope out the other person. But I do try to make it easier on them by telling them beforehand of the colors I will have on and I smile big at them when they glance at me when they come into the coffee shop. I also have my coffee already when they get there.

Good luck also Friday with the lawyer and I hope that he talks with you and asks about you and isn't just into himself. You'll know soon enough... ;)

Sunshine

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