I want his TOTAL devotion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
I want his TOTAL devotion.
15
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 8:21pm

Ok, right now, his money is tight because of the sport he's in, and I would never ask him to forgo that because it makes him happy. There was this big event that he had to register for,and I understand his plight.

If I continue to date him, all I can say is the sex better be good! haha. :) He does sound like a decent guy.

And we have another date, but it is this Saturday? But, I'm questioning that. WHy does it have to be next weekend, instead of during the week? But, he just went back to his old hours and he starts at 6:00am in the morning. Ok, the weekdays aren't really good for me anyway, because I have the kids during the week and will NOT go far from them.

And he says we can go out to a restuarant but it has to be reasonable because he just plucked down a big sum of money. Is this reasonable??

So, why am I expecting more? I expect his TOTAL devotion!

ok, to his credit, he did say he wished I could come over tonight. And he did send me a message this morning calling me "baby". He explained during the week, his day consists of work, then coming home to swim for two hours, then coming back and relaxing.

I'm new to dating, girls and guys help me out regarding my expectations, please.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 8:34pm
And he's calling me tonight when he gets back from swimming. He offered. Why do I feel like I'm getting ready to embark on a witch hunt?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 9:31pm

You just met this man and you expect him to drop his hobby and devote all to you? You are being quite unreasonable and if you aren't careful he will sense this in you and bail. Calm down and enjoy getting to know him at the same time live your own life as usual. Men are highly attracted to women who have their own life.

Cindy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 12:44am
I know, Cindy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2006
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 6:11am

How long have you been dating this guy? I don't understand what you mean by "wanting his total devotion". Please explain. You are not happy that you can't see him until Saturday night and question why you can't see him during the week - then in the next breath you write that during the week is not good for you anyway.

You wrote you are new to dating, How new? Can't be too new if you have children...how many, and their ages? Did you mean you are new to dating after being with someone else?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 2:47pm

I know I sound contradictory. It's just that I'm not used to dating and/or being in a relationship. And I've never been in a healthy one.

callie: "You wrote you are new to dating, How new? Can't be too new if you have children...how many, and their ages? Did you mean you are new to dating after being with someone else?"

I was married for 10 years, divorced for a few years, and just now delving into dating after an unhealthy obsession with a 27 year old user/loser.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2006
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 6:53pm

I'm sorry you have not had good luck with men/relationships. My suggestion is that before you get involved with another man, you take the time to go on a personal journey to find out where you came from, who you are, and where you want to go from here. There is something in your past (probably from how you were treated while growing up) that has caused you to have no respect for yourself, no self-esteem, self-confidence, and whatever else it takes to love and respect yourself...and to be able to project that image to the world.

You need to learn what really IS a healthy relationship. A counselor can give you the tools to start you on your journey and guide you along the way.

How we present ourselves is the catalyst for what type of men we attract. And if we present ourself as a "loser", we will attract losers.

I'm not judging you, I'm trying to shed some light. I was in your shoes my friend...I was a magnet for the type of men who treated me like a doormat and worse. It wasn't until I got counseling to find out all about me that I was able to hold my head high with confidence.

My parents were raised in a screwed up mess and they did not have good role models for marriage and/or child rearing. And bless their hearts, they didn't know how to be good role models for us kids. We all had to start at square one when we started dating and then getting married - all we knew is what we grew up with.

The hard lesson to learn, and accept, is that until we do grow emotionally and crawl out of the gutter of dysfunction, we will continue to date and/or marry the same type of loser that we just got rid of. It's a vicious circle - but one that can be broken..it is up to you and how much work you want to put into it...and believe me, the end result is priceless!

And, it's not "his" total devotion you need....it's giving yourself total devotion that is what you need first and foremost.

Callie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 7:06pm

Callie, you're so right. I don't need this guy's "total" devotion or anyone else's but myself. Actually, the way it's going is actually what I need in a date: He's not bugging me to come over on the weekdays, and that would be a problem anyway as I need to be around/raise my kids during the week. If I was to see anyone during the week, it would be for only a couple of hours, and not more than 15 minutes away from the kids. This is actually perfect!

SO WHAT AM I COMPLAINING ABOUT??!! (asking myself). Hehehe. :)

ETA: It's perfect because on the weekends, my kids are with their father. :)




Edited 4/17/2007 7:10 pm ET by purity2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2007
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 7:11pm
ok not sure what to say but when you said that hold total stuff you really reminded me of this guy im talkin to ... he wants 110% of my attention gets all crazy when i go to work and do stuff with my family...i pleaded with him to get a job maybe it will calm him down alittle but its been six months and nothing... dont push to hard with this guy your talkin to have fun let be as if your friends cuz then you dont get feelings involved to soon... idk if what i said made any sense but i tried... im new to the whole message board
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 7:12pm

Patience, girlfriend, patience!

I have to admit, I'm wary of someone who would discuss finances with you. Who would tell a virtual stranger what they could and could not afford? WHy not just make a date for a place he can afford? THis seems a little odd to me....

sooooobig
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 7:17pm

soooobig: "Patience, girlfriend, patience! I have to admit, I'm wary of someone who would discuss finances with you. Who would tell a virtual stranger what they could and could not afford? WHy not just make a date for a place he can afford? THis seems a little odd to me....

Hi. :) Yes, patience. It IS a virtue. Yes, he's already aware that I want to do something else besides watching movies at his apartment. He e-mailed me today asking what i want to do this Saturday, so yes, we will agree on something that's not expensive.

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