I want to meet him, but...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
I want to meet him, but...
Wed, 04-09-2003 - 3:34am
Hi all,I have never been here before, but am looking for some advice. I am 21 years old, and a responsible young woman. I have met a guy who is 23 and in the Navy, he lives in Virginia, I am in California. We have been talking for about a month, online and on the phone. He is truly amazing. We talk for hours every night and have a blast. He has mentioned that he would like to meet me, unfortunately because of the war he cannot go beyond a 200 mile radius, in case he gets called out. He has invited me to Viginia for a weekend, and offered to pay for my ticket. I am thrilled and want to do this. I don't want to regret not meeting this man, after all we have a ton in common, and I am confident that we will have a great time together. My problem is, my parents. My mom thinks I am acting purely on hormones, but I have evaluated my choices and truly believe I want to do this. My parents are strict, and I am not one to disobey. But they cannot run my life forever right? If I feel this is a smart decision, than I should do it right? I don't want to regret anything or hold a grudge against my parents for not letting me explore my world. I understand they are looking out for my well-being, but this means a lot to me. I guess, I am curious how you would feel? Both as parents and people who have met on-line. Thanks in advance

p.s. My brother met and married someone on-line and they have no problem with that. SO why is it wrong for me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 04-09-2003 - 4:08am
I think that if this feels right to you, then you have nothing to lose by going. But if you don't go you may miss a wonderful opportunity. I'm a new mom, and my husband and I met online. So maybe my opinion is a little bias, but I think I would feel a little safer knowing that he was in the Navy. Your mom could be a little iffy because your going there. When I met my husband my mom was a little skeptical with him coming to visit me even. I think theres a certain point when as a parent, you have to bite your tongue and hope that your children make the right decisions. I would tell your mom from the heart how you feel, tell her your going despite her feelings and that you appreciate her looking out for you, and ask if theres any precautions that you could take that would make her feel better about you going. Please keep us updated and Welcome!!!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-09-2003 - 9:10am
Tell them that if you go you will stay in a hotel without him and will meet him for lunch and if the two of you click over lunch you will spend some more time with him but always in a public place for that weekend - and if things go well perhaps things will progress a little more next time.
Avatar for kelstev
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-09-2003 - 9:51am
This is a difficult situation...I have a daughter who will be 20 in 2 months. She lives about 7 hours from me while at school. So it's not like she is totally dependant on me, but during the summer she lives at home with me and will also be here once she's done school.(That's the plan so far anyway) So as I read your message, I thought about how I would feel if my daugher wanted to do this (I'm assuming you live at home with your parents). I would be way too worried about her to just give her good advice (like stay in a hotel...don't get in his car...don't be alone with him...etc) and then send her on her way. First of all young ppl this age really don't see all the things that could go wrong. They think those things happen to other ppl and then go ahead and do what they feel will be fun.

I also understand that at this age she(my daughter) and you are old enough to do what you want. I guess I'm lucky enough to have a good relationship with my daughter to really talk these things out and to also understand and remember what it's like to be this age. I've actualy gone with her to meet a guy she met online...to a mall...I shopped while they talked...lol. Now I admit that at that time she was 16 and they continued to b/f-g/f for a yr or so and he was a very nice boy. She is actually involved with a young man she met online...but my husband and I met him the same time she met him. This situation just seems too risky to me and I simply would tell my daughter I'm against it. In fact I would go as far to tell her that if she did go..she'd better have other living arangements for when she got back.

This is totally up to you as you know, but please understand why your parents will not be happy about this at all.

Good Luck and keep us posted


Sidenote to Kristina...it's very easy to say that as parents we need bite our tongues and let our children make their own decisions...very easy indeed as yours is in your arms safely sleeping. Wait until Ani is 16-20 something...you'll be worried sick and believe me..you will be vocal about it...lol :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-10-2003 - 3:59pm
Well, Elaine my dear it sounds to me like your parents are only looking out for you. I am sure they mean no harm really. I am a parent, so I can tell you that I would probably be the same way. lol Although, being that you are 21 and legal to make your own decisions, I say while keeping in mind the concern they have, make your decision for yourself. If you really want to meet the guy, and he is willing to buy your ticket, then I see nothing wrong with it. BUT...when you go, stay in a hotel, meet him in a public place and make sure you are not alone with him until you feel comfortable. Just because he is in the military, does not mean he cant be a loon. lol Im kidding. Im serious about staying in the hotel. BE careful if you decide to go. Make sure your parents and friends know where you are. I wish you luck with this, but just be safe in your decisions. (Okay, now I sound like im mothering you. lol) See? Once you become a mother, it never stops. lol