I'm moving on!
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| Thu, 06-02-2005 - 1:49am |
Hi everyone,
I just wanted to post an update to my crazy life. I posted about 2 weeks ago about breaking uo with the the guy I had been seeing since January, but then we got back together two days later. The breakup seemed to be mainly about his commitment issues.
Well, the next weekend we got together and I learned that his idea of slowing things down did not match my idea at all. He was feeling anxious about not having the usual amount of time to spend doing his computer related work at home (for his job) but instead was spending some of that time with me and it was really bothering him. It was too different from what he had grown comfortable with.
Not only did he want to slow down the amount of time we spent with eachother, but wanted to change the parameters of our relationship to one of more like friends that talk on the phone daily and get together only here and there..."only until he felt comfortable with his life again", which I knew would never turn back into a relationship once he was in his comfort zone again.
So I could see that this man was not capable of having a mature relationship and was not what I wanted in my life, so I ended it. I was prepared this time for the breakup more so than I was 2 weeks ago, as I had no idea how he felt then and it was quite the shock to me. But I guess since I was in charge of the breakup this time, I felt better and I haven't been nearly as sad about it either.
The funny thing was that we ran into the dad of his long time childhood friend, and in conversation the dad said, "you were always anti-social" and that confirmed what I was feeling also. If this guy is ever able to have a relationship with another person, it will be amazing. He had me fooled the first few months with his nice behavior and attention toward me, but then his real side started to come out. He says he loves being with me, but I know that he will not make any chnages in his life to incorporate me into his life.
But it was a learning lesson for me on people who can't commit to a relationship and don't really want a relationship. But I had to learn it for myself the hard way. You certainly can't change people.
It was nice having someone there and to do things with, but he wasn't the right guy for me really. So anyway... I am back in the dating game again and hopefully I'll meet some nice guys. I joined Yahoo this time. Ironically, this week I have also been contacted by 2 guys that I had meets with in the past and we liked eachother but had schedule conflicts. Strange timing!
I went out with the girls tonight - our usual Wednesday night ladies' night and that was fun. So basically I am doing good and trying to remain optimistic about doing OLD again. That's it for now....
Sunshine

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Sad to hear it didn't work out, but glad that you didn't get sucked back in. :) Your outlook and the way you bounce back is admirable...
Keep us posted on the 2 new guys!
Kerry
If you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting... -- Les Brown
Good for you, sunshine!! I like your positive outlook on the situation.
Have fun out there!
amjay
Just got back a day ago; very busy and will post later about my trip and any updates. Just wanted to say I’m sorry things didn’t work out but TRUST me there are so many fish in the sea; my net is catching a few as we speak and the nice thing is now I’m so relaxed about it and not taking it all to seriously until I’ve spent more time but still fun and exciting. Seriously, one door closes another ALWAYS opens.
Kerry
If you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting... -- Les Brown
Thanks everyone for your replies, that's what's nice about this board, everyone is always encouraging when you get down or in a rut!
Well, I am going out next Thursday with the one guy I mentioned, and tonight meeting a guy I dated a few times and we remained friends for the past 6 months. He joked that we should be in a relationship together, but we're more like friends. But you can never have too many friends really. So I'm getting out there again.
But thanks again for being such nice people.
Sunshine
Thanks Tea, when we broke up the first time I wasn't prepared at all for a breakup - it just came out of the blue and really surprised me. So after we got back together and I realized that it just wasn't going to work since he wanted EVERYTHING his way and on HIS terms, I ended it. He wasn't compromising one bit as he had claimed that he wanted to do when we talked about getting back together!
So yes, the closure was easier this time, probably because it was on my terms and I felt more in control of the situation.
I want someone in my life that is willing to compromise to make a relationship work. So I've moved on and am trying to remain positive and upbeat. I still have my sad times here and there, but they are definitely getting less. Thanks again Tea.
Sunshine
Good for you for realizing what was best for you, and for not continuing to persue a relationship that may have only brought you more unhappiness in the end. :)
I'm sure a lot of us have found ourselves in those shoes at one time or another in our lives. We second guess ourselves, or try to see the "light" in someone who really isn't a person we should have in our lives. Relationships can be so complicated that way.
Also good to hear is that you have the support system of some wonderful girlfriends. I'm a big fan of "Girl's Night Out", as it can really put things into perspective when it feels as though life is handing out lemons!
I had a hangout/casual dating type relationship myself recently that was amicably put to rest a few weeks ago. Kind of a hard thing to explain...but in essence, neither of us was quite content with the way things were. In the end (thankfully) things usually work out just as they should.
Edited 6/3/2005 10:23 am ET ET by happyjustme
Hi Happy,
Yes I do appreciate my girls and our nights out! I have learned never to let my gf's go for a man, as men come and go but gf's are there always.
Glad to hear that your hangout/casual dating relationship ended on a good note. It's not an easy thing to end a relationship, but better to do that than to keep them going when they aren't right for you. In my case it had become right for him, but not for me. Why can't we just be on the same page at the same time?!!!
I have an afternoon meeting set up for Sunday with a prospect, so we'll see...
Enjoy your weekend!
Sunshine
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