I'm in need of advice ladies..(m)
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|Tue, 04-22-2003 - 12:12pm|
Well my problem is, is that we live in Connecticut with Dustin's (my husband) parents. Before we moved to Connecticut he never expressed any interest in moving back here. I have no friends, no family here, not to mention my daughter is only a month old, I cannot take her into public so basically I'm stuck in the house all day with only her till Dustin get home in thhe evenings. Dustin's mom is constantly trying to tell me how to parent. I wanted to be moving out of her house ASAP, and she said that we shouldn't rush and save money. She controls a lot of my life I feel. Thats the way she likes things. His father is a nice guy, but for some reason I'm awkward around him. For example, if he comes home and its just me, him, and Ani (my daughter) home, I avoid being around him and stay in the basement where Dustin's and my room is. I can't explain what it is, but everytime I'm around him I feel like he goes out of his way to talk to me. Which annoys me frankly. Dustin's family has a lot more money than mine. My mom and dad are divorcing and me and my mother are very close due to my formerly abusive father, as well as my brothers and I. We've never had a lot of money so we express how much we love each other a lot and by actions. Dustin's family is the opposite, they never say "I love you". Dustin's mom while I was in the hospital brought all these gifts for the baby, while knowing my mom hadn't had time to get anything because she left Indiana as soon as I called her. It hurt my mom's feelings I found out from my brother.
Well, to my problem...Yesterday I was rocking Ani (pronounced On E) to sleep and was thinking about how amazing the bond between a mother and baby is. How the smell of my skin or the sound of my voice can make her feel safe and secure. I started to cry and called my mom and told her. She couldn't talk for long but I felt like I needed to talk to someone. So I called my sister in law, and she started talking to me about moving back. Dustin and I had planned on it (even tho his mind goes back and forth) in about 5 years after we had finished school. Because he has a good job, with an apprenticeship, in 4 years he'll have a associates in engineering. But I was thinking that maybe he could go to school for what he wants, computers, and I could go to school for what I want, medical assisting, while my mom watches Ani during the day. I thought of all the stuff like we could live with my mom etc etc. I mentioned something to Dustin and he told me I need to look harder for a school to go to here, and its not going to happen. My mom called and I cried talking to her. Then I tried talking to him again about it and he told me that I'm selfish. I told him I think he's the one being selfish knowing how much I miss my family and how miserable I am here and he doesn't care. He says I don't try hard enough to like it here. But I've lived here since November 1st. I've worked, made a few friends, but those relationships couldn't replace my friends and family in Indiana.
Basically, I need opinions on the situation. My mom tells me living here will be more standable once I move into my own place and I agree. Dustin sees me crying at least once a week because of this issue and just tells me I need to see a therapist. Which I don't think is true, there's only one solution to this problem. I'll admit maybe I am being a little bit selfish by wanting to take him away from his family. But his family isn't close like mine. When we lived in Indiana he never even told me he missed Connecticut. My mom now lives alone, and told me once she cried herself to sleep because she missed me so much. Which broke my heart. I feel like I should be there for her, like she has always been for me. Not to mention Dustin's parents will be moving out of state in about 10 yrs when they retire and his sister lives on the east coast. And is never home when she is home in CT.
I know this post is one sided, it just expresses my point of view. I just feel so alone here, Dustin is the only one I have. I'm miserable here and I've even thought that maybe the only way for me to live around my family again is to not be with Dustin. Which isn't realistic because I love him so much. This is the only issue we disagree on. Our relationship is great otherwise. Sorry for such a long post...Thank you.