I'm not trying to alarm anyone...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
I'm not trying to alarm anyone...
4
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 9:40am

....but this lady was a friend to some of my OL friends. She made a bunch of OLD mistakes that we all can identify. Unfortunately, she paid a very high price.

Death points out risks of Web dating
By Nick Shields and Laura Barnhardt
Sun reporters
Originally published February 9, 2006
In a case that highlights the potential dangers of popular Internet sites as a way for young people to meet, a biochemistry major at the University of Maryland, Baltimore County was charged yesterday with beating to death a woman while on a date arranged through MySpace.com, a Web site.

The student, John Christopher Gaumer, led police to the woman's body in a wooded area near a ramp leading from Interstate 95 to the Beltway near Arbutus, authorities said. Gaumer, who is charged with first-degree murder, and the woman were on their first date when she was killed in late December, according to police.

The two were arguing on the side of the highway exit ramp when Gaumer, 22, pushed the woman over a guardrail and beat her, according to police. The woman, Josie Phyllis Brown, 27, had been missing since Dec. 29.

The two met on a social networking site that enables people to post pictures of themselves in online "profiles" that can be viewed by others. The popularity of such sites - others include Friendster.com and Facebook.com - has exploded in the past two years.

But seeking romance through the Web can carry hazards that go beyond the risks of meeting someone in a bar or club.

"We've just got people who've never did this before who are doing it, and they're not using their safeguards," said Parry Aftab, executive director of wiredsafety.org, a nonprofit that offers Internet safety advice. "I've been doing this 10 years, and I am seriously alarmed at the trends."

"I think that people tend to get intimate faster online because they don't have to worry about protecting themselves physically from risk," she said. "They don't have to worry about being judged. They're so thrilled about being accepted that they tend to jump in too quickly with both feet."

Kim Leisey, an assistant vice president of Student Affairs at UMBC, said the university offers advice to students on safety issues.

"I think everyone needs to be cautious when they use the Internet, especially when they arrange to meet folks," she said. "But to tell to stop using Facebook and MySpace or the Internet is a naive position to take."

Kathleen McCrory, a junior at the school, said people put too much personal information about themselves on MySpace. But she said she has many friends who use that site and facebook.com.

Gaumer was living in privately owned housing on the university campus when he was arrested Tuesday. A university spokesman said Gaumer's parents withdrew him from the school yesterday.

On what is believed to be Gaumer's profile on MySpace, a man describes himself as a UMBC student and government contractor, and former football player. Gaumer, who is 6 feet 6 inches tall, weighing 230 pounds. Police described Brown as 5 feet 5 inches tall and weighing 130 pounds. Gaumer also wrote that he had attended Kutztown University in Pennsylvania, Prince George's Community College and College of Southern Maryland, and mentions recently competing in a 5K run.

A personal page believed to be Gaumer's on Facebook.com describes him as a senior majoring in biochemistry and molecular biology. His hometown is listed as Waldorf. According to that profile, his interests include sports, computers, music and movies.

On the profile believed to be Brown's on MySpace, a woman describes herself as 27 and divorced, and as "fun, energetic, outgoing and straight to the point with a devilish sarcastic fun side."

"I just want to meet cool people," she wrote.

The woman writes of having a daughter on that profile. She lived in the Hampden area of the city.

Joe Jamison, who said he had been her friend for about four years, described her as "laid-back and funny." He said she had worked as a waitress but more recently had been doing odd jobs, including baby-sitting. Her daughter, he said, is about 7.

He said he talked to Brown on Dec. 29.

"She said she was going to call me the next day to tell me how the date went," Jamison said.

"She was just one of those girls that had been outgoing and had been real unlucky in long-term relationships," he added. "She just wanted to find someone who was like-minded."

Brown last accessed her MySpace account the day she was last seen, police said. She was reported missing Jan. 11, and Baltimore City and County police began an investigation, according to court records.

A review of the woman's cell phone records showed that she had talked to Gaumer on Dec. 29, according to police documents. Gaumer told investigators that he and Brown had gone to dinner and to several bars that night in the city's Charles North area, and he said he took her to her Hampden home, but records show her cell phone received a call sometime after midnight in the Arbutus area, according to the documents.

Oliver Baranczyk, a senior Spanish major at UMBC who shared an apartment with Gaumer, said he, Gaumer, another roommate and his fiancee were awakened by police officers about 7:30 a.m. Tuesday. Baranczyk said he, another roommate and that roommate's fiance went to city police headquarters, where officers asked them to describe Gaumer and asked them whether they had ever seen Brown before.

Police with a warrant searched the apartment Tuesday, according to charging documents. Baranczyk said that when he returned to the home, Gaumer's bed frame was out in the hallway and bed sheets, Gaumer's computer hard drives and cell phone were gone.

According to charging documents filed yesterday, Gaumer confessed to killing Brown. Police said that the two had been headed back to his apartment when they got into an argument. He let her out of the car on the side of the highway toward Towson and left, but he returned and the argument resumed, police said.

After he pushed the woman over the guardrail, he beat her with a blunt object, police said.

Gaumer was denied bail at a bail review hearing yesterday.

Baranczyk said Gaumer was a "charming person" who seemed close to his parents, who, he said, drove from Southern Maryland to visit frequently. He said that his roommate had never seemed aggressive and that he had no reason to think that he ever had mistreated anyone.

He said he had met at least 10 of Gaumer's dates in the two years they'd shared an apartment, but had never seen the same woman more than once. Baranczyk said Gaumer seemed to want to make dates and plans with women as soon as he met them, including those whom he met online.

"He was always preoccupied with meeting a new girl," he said.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 10:38am

Wow. No, I think this is very important to put out there to remind us all (but especially newbies) that your own safety when meeting a new OLD meet is IMPERATIVE. It sounds like this guy was quite a charmer since he was able to get so many women so quickly. He probably buttered up women and made them feel SOOOO special!

Her big mistake was obviously getting in his car and being ALONE with him. You should always MEET someone there and never ever go somewhere with them in their car until you get to know someone much better. Also, he sounds like a big ol' liar (different profiles on different sites) so ask questions of someone to get to know them.

Thanks for the reminder chamey that this is a dangerous game we're playing with OLD.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 11:25am

Thanks for posting this. It is a good reminder to always think safety first - not everyone is what they appear to be.

For first, second and even third meets -- I always drive myself, meet in a crowded public place, meet during daylight hours whenever possible, tell a friend where I will be, and walk myself back to my car.

It's good to remember that it takes TIME to develop trust and truly get to know someone. If you see red flags, or feel unsure, follow your instinct.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 12:37pm

I agree that it is very, very important to observe the safety rules -- even with people you meet IRL. I never trust my 'positive' feelings until I get to know somebody pretty well -- that's why there are rules, to remind you that people are not always what they seem.

Remember: Nobody who ever got hurt this way EXPECTED to get hurt this way.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 2:02pm

You make a very good point. I have just had another reminder that I can't trust my "positive" instincts (after 3 dates, the guy from CL I met a week ago Sat night has disappeared on me)...for better or worse, my instincts are only "on" when they are negative. Everytime I go with a gut instinct that's positive, I get burned. Luckily it's never been something that has compromised my personal safety...just my emotional "safety". But it's easy to get lulled by luck, and of course you never expect that it's going to happen.

Sheri