I'm scared!!! This is serious...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
I'm scared!!! This is serious...
26
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 2:06pm

I have some concerns...about this guy I'm seeing, and I have no rosy fantasies about it working out. I don't even know if I like him yet, as we have only had one date. There are two more men who are interested in dating me anyway. But...

1) Sex came up in our conversation, NO he didn't bring it up, I did. But here's the thing...he made it clear that he enjoys sex a great deal. Ok, then he said he didn't think he could be with someone long term without ever receiving oral sex. Ok, I've only been with 2 men and tried oral sex on my husband twice. I wasn't into it and don't think I like it much. So, this potential relationship is doomed unless I learn to like it...Should I have to learn to like it??...

Am I being fair if I refuse? Most men like oral sex, right? Most of you women would do it for your man, right? Is the man being fair to me to expect it, if after trying it, I find I don't like it?

2)He says he eats alot, but he's very athletic (he competes in triathalons). He indicated he could stay in bed and eat 2 or maybe 3 slices of pie at a time, until he got enough of it. Does that make him a glutton?

3) Ok, here goes...I get cold sores on my mouth. I've had them since I was a child and my sisters gets them too. But, If I was to go down on him, I'm worried that I could infect his penis and he could pass it back to me.

For those of you who don't know, cold sores are common, 97% of the population have been exposed to them, (little kids and babies get them) but if you get them on your sex parts, it could turn into genital herpes. But, I DON'T have genital herpes and I DON'T want to get it.

If this is the case, this potential relationship and any relationship with a man who wants oral sex from me may be doomed. Do I have to join a convent?? :(

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 2:26pm

Whoa!!!
It's defnintely clear that you two aren't on the same page as far as sex is concerned. How long have you known or been talking to this guy? I'm not sure how important that is with someone you JUST met. Of course, if this is something you know now, then it probably wouldn't be a good idea to get more involved with him if you know that you can't fulfill his sexual desires (still way too early to be an issue, though).
A glutton?? Honey, you're totally overthinking that one! LOL! Some people eat a lot, especially men who are active...they need the food for energy. Now, if he's overweight or obese, then he may just be lazy and not care about his health...that's a real issue.

In regards to you saying that you don't enjoy giving oral sex, there is nothing wrong with that; you don't have to join a convent. There are many other ways to enjoy sex that both parties will like. I have never performed oral sex on a man and I'm not sure that I ever will. No, I don't think that ALL men have to have it; I've personally known men who DID NOT want their girlfriends to perform it on them; some thought it was disgraceful; others just didn't really enjoy it. To each his own, though...

Yes, cold sores are common. They're herpes simplex virus type 1, which are transmitted via saliva and usually cause sores around the mouth. Genital herpes is type 2, and is sexually transmitted. There isn't a cure for either one and, yes, they can be transferred, usually when you have an outbreak. I'm no doctor, so don't take my word as being fact. It is best to tell someone that you're with sexually that you get cold sores. It may be embarrassing; however, you wouldn't want the person to come to you angry after they've contracted the virus.

Bottom line: any man who you're with in an honest relationship with good communication will accept what you like and don't like when it comes to sex. In my opinion, if a man is stuck on that one aspect of sex, and is willing to break up with you if you won't do it, then that guy isn't for you.

Hope this helps!
Mali




Edited 4/11/2007 2:33 pm ET by mali2579
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 2:32pm

Mali: "Whoa!!!
It's defnintely clear that you two aren't on the same page as far as sex is concerned. How long have you known or been talking to this guy? I'm not sure how important that is with someone you JUST met. Of course, if this is something you know now, then it probably wouldn't be a good idea to get more involved with him if you know that you can't fulfill his sexual desires (still way too early to be an issue, though). I'm just curious to know how this even came up....yes, sex has come up in conversations I've had with guys...however, it's usually after quite a few conversations, and it usually IS NOT explicit. Of course, that's me..."

Mali, this topic came up when I was telling him about my relationship with my ex and why I hated it, one thing I mentioned was that I wasn't sexually fulfilled and the conversation grew from there. I don't think he's out looking for a hook-up.

But, I'm willing to REALLY try it to see if I like it, but...what about the cold sores I suffer from??

Somebody help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And he really made it clear he didn't want to do without oral for the rest of his life!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 2:34pm
I edited my post...forgot to mention the herpes...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 2:34pm
No one out here is a medical professional.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 2:38pm
Mali, I'll read it now, but I DON'T have herpes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 2:53pm

Hey there!
I'm certainly not a doctor. Ask your doc!




Edited 4/11/2007 3:01 pm ET by mali2579
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2007
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 3:03pm

Cold sores are caused by the herpes simplex virus. If you have cold sores then you have herpes. There should be no question of this.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/cold-sore/DS00358

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2006
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 4:39pm

Here's another resource for you:

http://www.cdc.gov/std/Herpes/STDFact-Herpes.htm

It does sound like the virus can be transmitted from the mouth to the genitals and back again, if you have the virus. Maybe you can get a good answer by calling the National Herpes Hotline: 1-800-232-4636

As for your concern regarding oral sex...I've never met a guy who didn't love it, but that doesn't mean that they all get it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 6:23pm

Thanks. Well, at least I don't have genital herpes, thank God for that. If I have this, 97% of the population has been exposed to it as well.

Ok,next question: I kind of don't want to tell him, or any other guy I get cold sores, I guess you guys will say that's BAD.

mizzfit: "As for your concern regarding oral sex...I've never met a guy who didn't love it, but that doesn't mean that they all get it!"

Yes, well if anything happens between me and this guy-further down the line, of course- he may not get it either. It just bothered me that he said that, I think it's kind of lustful. Like he HAS to have it or the world will end.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 6:33pm

Candledance, thanks for the website. I just read it and it says that cold sores are "common". That makes me feel better, but still I wish I didn't get them. You are right, they are caused by the herpes simplex virus, but it's not genital herpes, at least.

Still, I don't know if it's safe to give a man oral sex because I do get cold sores.

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