i'm scared....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
i'm scared....
12
Mon, 09-12-2005 - 11:52pm

i don't know if i should trust him...or maybe i'm being to hard on him :( and i kind of feel like i'm getting mad at him for no reason, but i don't know :(...i'm just scared

dave and i started talking awhile back ago...when he first IM'd me, i had just broken up with my ex, so i really wasn't looking for anything new nor did i think that anything would happen between us. But after a few months talking, i started to have feelings for him....in fact about a month ago, i told him that i think that i love him...and he said the same things to me...we started making plans to meet...plans to live together...to get married...he even talked about kids we'd have...but, i don't know, he seems to have a pretty low self esteem, and sometimes he would say that he didn't believe me...and i told him that that hurt to hear him say that, but he's never had a girlfriend before, and he just puts himself down all the time, and i hate that he does that,and i don't know what to do about it...and he gets really nervous about things he said too...we've been talking for awhle, and i've asked him to call me, but he hasn't wanted to, he said cuz he was "nervous" and he wouldn't give me his phone number ever either...

but recently things had been perfect between us...i was happy...and i thought that he was too...this is where it gets kind of sticky though...though we had told eachother our feelings for eachother, nothing was official yet...i asked him if he was my "boyfriend" or if we were "together" and he would say that he wanted to be, but its just such a long distance between us (i live in va, he lives in mass)...i understood his reservations with this, so i don't really push it...so this week we were talking, and then all of a sudden he breaks down, he says that he's sorry and that if he told me, please don't get mad at him...and he said that he had talked to this other girl a few times (he said 5 times), and that they had talked sexually twice...and that he said he was so sorry, and that he didn't want to lose me, and for me not to be mad at him...i told him that i wasn't mad, cuz i wasn't, but i was sad that he did do that, and that i didn't know what to do cuz i'm scared of geting hurt...but then i told him that i loved him, and that i only want him to be happy...and i told him that if talking to other girls is what makes you happy, then please go, its okay...but i told him if that was his choice, that i couldn't stay around...but he told me no that that wasn't what he wanted, he thought that was, but its not...and said that he loved me and said that he was sorry and that he wouldn't talk to any other girls like that...and told me why he lvoed me and now he understood that i did love him, and he gave me his phone number, finally. and i actually felt really good after that talk, but then after awhile, i started doubting everythign that he said...and now i'm scared...i don't know if i should believe him :(

is there anything that i can do to be certain that he's telling the truth? i want to believe it so bad, but i've been hurt so many times that i don't know if i can...please help me, do you think he was being sincere? or is he going to hurt me and i should just leave now?

please help...sorry its so long, and thanks in advance to any advice...

angie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 3:49pm
How do they "make love" if they're in different countries? LOL I know, I know - they "cyber." But it ain't the same! LOL (I know I'm preaching to the converted here, but I just wanted to giggle at that).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 3:55pm

Trust me, I hear you – wink wink! Never buy a car w/out taking it out for a test drive for a few months at least, he, he.

Gosh, I think when we date or get into a relationship, you have different communication styles, ways of maintaining a home, things that you enjoy doing on the weekends in addition to love making styles, if you can truly trust them and are they in it for the long haul. That’s why it intrigues me to no end. This guy’s advice, all my friends say “what does so and so say” he’s that good but when it comes to HIM all rules are out the window so that is why it’s so true that “when you’re in the situation” it’s harder to be objective. I personally believe he has commitment issues and issues with America right now as a rule, he was bashing out gov’t when we spoke last – no things aren’t perfect but I still can’t imagine living anywhere else, hopefully his temporary move to Russia will be a wake up call of how good he has it. Sure this girl may appreciate the little things more that we take for granted but get her over here for a year, she’ll have more wants and desires like everyone else – after all this is the land of opportunity.

SP

 
 

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