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| Mon, 03-21-2005 - 6:51pm |
Hey guys,
Ive been lurking lately reading everyones posts but I haven't had the energy to update you all. Well ive had a bumpy time lately, I was seeing this guy for about a month, he ended up confessing to me that he was still married with a three year old. He claimed that he was going through a divorce. He confessed this after several (4)dates, one of which, I had been to his house and I knew for a fact he had a roommate. So you can imagine my dismay to find out that he was hiding a whopper of a secret from me. This confession happened after he disappeared for a few days. Before I had time to even digest this and decide if it was even fathomable that I proceed, he disappeared again. The last time I spoke to him was last monday, so I sent him a text message telling him not to call me anymore. I had no clue whatsoever that he was married, and he was so afraid to tell me, he wouldn't call me, but would only text me from his cell phone. Now I am completely on the offensive, my ability to trust is completely shot right now, and I find myself wondering what the other guys im talking to now are lying about. I have a date set up for coffee with a guy that emailed me last week, but now im wondering if im even ready when im sitting here looking for flags or possible lies when it seems too early to tell. To be honest im pretty disheartened right now and pretty angry that one lying guy has taken the wind out of my sails. Im curious to know what your take on this is. Do you think I need a break?
GM

Yes i think yo uneed a break, but you really are the only person who can judge that answer. Imsorry that has happened. Its really disheartening and fustrating to have something like that happen. But, remember it isn't you. And not all men are like this. It happens. and while that may not be a great consolation - take it with a grain of salt. There is not a way you could've known. And suspecting from the beginning will always guard you from opening up and finding that right person.
Hang in there.
Question to ask in the first email:
Oh, gm, I am so very sorry. You must be devastated.
Definitely take a time out. Not because of men, but because you need time to recover from this blow.
I'm glad you posted.
amjay
Hey LG,
He told me he was single. He never indicated anything about being married, EVER. In fact he told me his last relationship was 5 years and his EX-GIRLFRIEND and he broke up because they knew it wasn't working out for a year. So basically it was deception, pure and simple.
Thanks guys for your kind thoughts. Its just horrific how people can be so deceitful and they can just get away scott free by ghosting. Oh well.
Hi GM,
I am sorry this happened to you..being lied to like that takes a particular toll on you, in many ways, but I am living proof that you can and Will recover, and be smarter for it, though 'learning' like that sucks--can't someone just print it in English or Spanish and hand me the book!?
You might need a break just to take care of YOU for a while; give yourself time to get past this and find out where you want these emotions to settle. Once they have, you will be ready again. Don't add confusion to life,when there is plenty around already--BE SELFISH, and do as you want to, when you want to!
Then...in time, and you will know when, you will be ready. I always think I am So tough when I learn like that, but, in reality, I am pretty vulnerable.
Please write here and keep us posted on how you are feeling,as That is what is important now!
Truly,
Cupcake
True that, LG!
I used to feel like some shady detective service when I would "C.S.I" some guy. I now look and see what the background of profile photos are, to check on the truth that they are the recent photos they say they are. I also look at property records and on the civil court records, for divorce 4-1-1. I also have access to the "NCIC" which is a National crime and offenders network, but, luckily....I have not felt the need to use that one, yet! Hey, ya never know when one of these men might be the kind who fits the bills when you ask the question: "what do you call a man in a 3 piece suit?"...answer: "Defendant!"
I think the hardest part about this and the lies he told her is that they were SO Deep Dish--"my last relationship was 5 years ago"? That was Uncalled for, but liars know NO bounds! Worse, he Will do this again, may have done it before, so I have to feel sad for his wife and child.
This brings me to a question I think about often..HOW does someone like that LIVE with themselves and Function in Society? Wouldn't regret, remorse, and Self loathing just whack all of Us out--if we did something like that?!
Truly,
Cupcake