Incident to Share.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Incident to Share.....
46
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 12:46pm

I thought I was madly in love with my High School boyfriend.

CL-Truewild1969

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 3:39pm

If all you are going to do is a send a few emails back and forth to find out how he's doing, then I personally wouldn't mention it to Ronnie.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 3:43pm
i totally agree with you. it's always so exciting to find out what an old flame is doing, especially when you've been completely out of touch for years and years! that does not mean you still have feelings for them or you're unhappy in your current relationship or whatever. my BF recently had his high school reunion and he openly told me that he was extremely curious to see his ex, who he had not seen in 10 years. and you know what - i was curious too! he has told me all about her and their relationship, and it was fun to find out how she "turned out." we don't have a rule that we're not allowed to talk about our romantic histories. honestly, i don't understand why that topic is off limits for so many couples. these past relationships were some of the most formative experiences in both our lives. we talk about our childhoods, old friends, old jobs... it would be a gaping hole not to talk about our past loves. in fact, i would worry more about the strength of our relationship if BF felt he couldn't admit he was curious to see his ex after all this time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 4:24pm

"Are you telling me that if you had an opportunity to get in touch with your first love.....so at the very least you can show him that you still look "good" if not better than when you dated him in HS....you wouldn't jump at the chance?

you say above.. NO.. i wouldn't if i had the man of my life/love.. NO-yes i d' be curious but as far to contact him no. and no need to tell Ronnie, think of how you'd feel if he came to you and told you something he also thought of as purely innocent?

"I think my curiosity got the best of me once I knew there was a way I could contact him. I couldn't resist.

I can understand curious wanting to know how well they are doing and all that.. yes.

It takes nothing away from how incredible I feel Ronnie is, and thrilled to have such a wonderful man like him care about me."

and you care about him al ot too right??

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2005
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 8:42pm

I highly doubt I'd get goosebumps from anybody in my past *other* than someone I was head over heels for at one time. None of my high school or college friends would illicit this response.

How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? That might help you decide if you should or shouldn't tell your current bf.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 9:23pm

How could you do this to Ronnie? You are going behind his back contacting whichever ex's who will email you back. I think you should break up with Ronnie and spend some time alone before you mislead someone like this again.

R.I.

Avatar for travkitty
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 9:41pm

>>How could you do this to Ronnie? You are going behind his back contacting whichever ex's who will email you back. I think you should break up with Ronnie and spend some time alone before you mislead someone like this again.>>

Well, that's a rather reckless piece of advice, IMO. I suppose anyone who had a friendship with an ex should be alone, too? At this point, I think she should make sure she's contacting the ex for the right reasons. There's no reason to knee jerk anything in this scenario. I do think if she wants to continue a friendship with him, she will need to tell Ronnie, no doubt about it. But at this point there's no reason.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2005
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 9:56pm

Not sure about that. That there's no reason. Character is what you do while no one's looking. Current bf is completely in love with her from what has been posted here. She's also admitted that she's not so sure. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. Not everyone is on the same page at the same time. Great lengths were taken to be in contact with a former love. Wasn't just an "oh ran across your profile on suchandsuch.com" kinda deal. That's the part that I question. I think I'd be hurt to know all this if I were him and also I'd know where I stand. Not sure though - I haven't walked a mile in either of their shoes.

Avatar for travkitty
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 10:07pm
Do I think Ronnie needs to know? Yes, but not at this point. I think she needs to figure out why she did this, then come clean. How can she be clear to Ronnie when she's not clear about it in her own head? I think she needs to stop contact until she figures that out. Breaking up with Ronnie is NOT the answer, though.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2005
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 10:13pm
Didn't say it was.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 9:29am

ITA..

I think that her intention was not to hurt Ronnie in any way. I think the point is that she needs to do some personal exploration to find out WHY she sought him out. I don't think she wants to hook up with her first bf. They are both very different people now and their lives went in different directions. I don't think she needs to TELL Ronnie anything. Just because you are in an Rship doesn't mean you cease to be your own person.

I don't think demonizing a perfectly natural act of curiousity is helpful at all. What matters here is INTENT. There may be things at work subconciously, but her intention was not to cheat on her bf or hurt him in anyway.

We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.