inconsistency or am I paranoid?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
inconsistency or am I paranoid?
24
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 3:04am

I have been a bit too active starting discussions, but I really think all of your advice is amazing! Anyhow, need your help again. I am currently emailing back and forth with somebody I met on Match.com. I am wondering if this is an inconsistency or is it my paranoia He claimsto have just signed up (volunteered the info himself) and I don't hink this is the case … this seems so minor and insignificant, but if somebody would lie about something that minor, they must be really into some wacko games…it really weirds me out!!!!! Here it goes:

You know how on Match people who sign-up recently (I am one myself, signed-up a month ago), have their “About me” section of their profile as one paragraph – (and there is no way dividing the thing!!! I have tried with mine, several times) and people who have been members for a while have it as two paragraphs (one About me” and one about “What I am looking for”… Now this guy claims that he only signed up several days ago, and yet, he has the two paragraphs; moreover, his hole text in his profile is really structured along these two rubrics (and believe me, guys rarely just come up withy this structure, at least in my opinion; no yahoo member has come up with it on his own, for example, and I have been on Yahoo…)

Now, (whether I am paranoid, or just cautious), I decided to check and see if somebody signs up now, what their profile will look like (so I don’t develop weird suspicions): I signed up as a new member, posted a profile and guess what, it does have only one paragraph… I don’t know what to make of it: why would he claim he just signed up , given that he obviously didn’t. Moreover, he was the one to bring up the whole Match experience and signing up!!! (in his second email to me). What is all that about? I tried to bring up what I perceive as an inconsistency up in a non-confrontational, yet direct manner and here is the response I got; (here I am giving you all the relevant passages from my emails….)

Him:
“How do you like Match? Met any interesting people? I just signed up a few days ago.”

Me:
Afterresponding to his question:“Is that your very first time with Match.com? Interesting, I somehow didn't believe you are a new bee to Match -- your profile shows savviness that comes with experience, I guess!!! :))”

Him:
“I'm not new to online personals. Actually I have tried Matchmaker, and Yahoo Personals and have had terrible results! lol Maybe one day we can exchange notes.”

What do you think? Am I being over-vigilant? Is it some sort of miscommunication? Part of me just wants to delete him, but part of me wants me to learn how to deal with situations like that… Dunno. Any thoughts?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 3:58am

Hi feisty,

I like inquisitive minds! I think the question you need to ask yourself is- what would/could be his motivation for lying? He was honest about using other online personals so it doesn’t make any sense.

Can you be 100% certain that you are doing everything correctly? I see absolutely no reason for Match to restrict certain functions depending on length of membership. The last thing they want is some type of loyalty reward program. Their motivation is to get people signed up and dating ASAP, otherwise it’s bad publicity.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 4:21am

Hi Hal,
Thanks for your response. Well (you'll think I am crazy...) I was thinking that (for an unclear reason, may be just my paranoia acting up...) somebody might want to play the "I am new, therefore safe for you guy..." and later (because I did call him on the ëxperienced profile thing) had to admit that he has the experience... nothing wrong with this though. And honestly, I haven't had any horrible experiences with online dating -- but again, I have only done a month on yahoo in the spring, and have been on Match for only 2 weeks now...May be I am just too over-vigilant...

About Match and the one vs two paragraph issue: I think it is simply a matter of them trying to save server space or something... but I am positive this is the case: on this board somebody was talking about that (in different context) just several weeks ago... I guess I am so suspicious becasue he could have said , for example: Ï had a profile on Match before, and now I reactivated it -- which I think is the case... Yet, to my very direct question, he responded that he has been on Matchmaker and Yahoo , not MAtch.com (Since I also uploaded my Yahoo profile to Match, I know that whatever paragraph divisions you have originally, are gone once the profile uploads, (very annoying, by the way) But again: "no motive, no crime" I guess.
Thanks again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 9:31am

>somebody might want to play the "I am new, therefore safe for you guy..."
>and later (because I did call him on the ëxperienced profile thing)
>had to admit that he has the experience

This is a possible explanation. But why would he come clean with a statement that implies the complete opposite? He wouldn't completely blow his act in only two e-mails unless he is a complete moron!

>About Match and the one vs two paragraph issue:
>I think it is simply a matter of them trying to
>save server space or something

I have never used Match so I can't really comment. But consider this:

WARNING: BORING TECHNICAL TALK

Web pages are written in HTML code, which is simply a text file with HTML "tags". Lets consider what you have written and the different ways it could be displayed in the body of a web page:

Assume that the font size and face remains the same, the only difference is whether it appears as one paragraph or two. There are a few ways this can be done with very little difference in file size.

Here is an example using the "

" tag

About Match and the one vs two paragraph issue: I think it is simply a matter of them trying to save server space or something... but I am positive this is the case: on this board somebody was talking about that (in different context) just several weeks ago... I guess I am so suspicious becasue he could have said , for example: I had a profile on Match before, and now I reactivated it -- which I think is the case... Yet, to my very direct question, he responded that he has been on Matchmaker and Yahoo , not MAtch.com (Since I also uploaded my Yahoo profile to Match, I know that whatever paragraph divisions you have originally, are gone once the profile uploads, (very annoying, by the way) But again: "no motive, no crime" I guess.

Thanks again.

The above HTML code will make your paragraph appear exactly as it does in your 2nd post. If we wanted it to be two paragraphs it would be written with an extra

and

Like this:

About Match and the one vs two paragraph issue: I think it is simply a matter of them trying to save server space or something... but I am positive this is the case: on this board somebody was talking about that (in different context) just several weeks ago...

I guess I am so suspicious becasue he could have said , for example: I had a profile on Match before, and now I reactivated it -- which I think is the case... Yet, to my very direct question, he responded that he has been on Matchmaker and Yahoo , not MAtch.com (Since I also uploaded my Yahoo profile to Match, I know that whatever paragraph divisions you have originally, are gone once the profile uploads, (very annoying, by the way) But again: "no motive, no crime" I guess.

Thanks again.

In a web page this HTML code will split your first paragraph in two and make it appear like this:

-------------------------------

About Match and the one vs two paragraph issue: I think it is simply a matter of them trying to save server space or something... but I am positive this is the case: on this board somebody was talking about that (in different context) just several weeks ago...

I guess I am so suspicious becasue he could have said , for example: I had a profile on Match before, and now I reactivated it -- which I think is the case... Yet, to my very direct question, he responded that he has been on Matchmaker and Yahoo , not MAtch.com (Since I also uploaded my Yahoo profile to Match, I know that whatever paragraph divisions you have originally,are gone once the profile uploads, (very annoying, by the way) But again: "no motive, no crime" I guess.
Thanks again.

------------------------------

The only difference between it appearing as one paragraph or two is adding the extra tags -

and

. When I saved the two different versions the file size was exactly the same. This entire post is only about 4Kb. The combined file size of the JPEG images I used when I tried OLD is 5 times larger at 20Kb. If they really wanted to save server space it would be MUCH more efficient to restrict the size and quantity of images rather than paragraphs.



Edited 12/31/2005 9:35 am ET by hal_9000
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 10:09am

I think what she was trying to say is that Match (it seems) used to have a section for 'about me' and a section for 'about my match' in their profiles. At some point they did away with the 'about my match' sections, for whatever reason, and just merged the old profiles so that it would show up as 2 paragraphs in one section. If you read the profiles with 2 paragraphs, the first is ALWAYS about the user, the second is ALWAYS about their match...like they had 2 different questions to answer when filling out the profile.

I have seen this as well, and I think you are right that the 2 paragraphs do indicate someone who has been on Match for more than a few months(not sure when the split actually happened, I joined in March of 2005 and I have one paragraph)

So the real question is why did he lie? I think you are right that he only offered the info about Yahoo etc. when he felt like he had been somewhat caught and needed an explanation to give you. Yes he could have said he was a member previously, and just reactivated his profile recently...BUT He would have only had a split second to think of what would be a believable answer that wouldn't make him look like a lier, and he probably just didn't think of it at the time.

In my opinion I think it was an innocent white lie...he could have been ashamed that he had been OLDing for a while, and didn't want to look bad, have you noticed how many people say they are new at this? I doubt they all are. BUT does this mean he is more prone to tell a lie later when bigger stakes are involved? I don't know, that's a tough one.

I have a date with someone today whose profile when I started dating him said he was 39, now it says he is 43...We have never actually discussed our ages, and I am still deciding if I should call him on it or not. Do I care that he may be 4 years older than he originally said? NO. Do I care that he lied about it? Maybe.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 10:30am

I wouldn't worry about it yet. If everything so far clicks with this guy then hang in there.

I had my profile posted on match for a year before I actually joined. Many people create profiles on several sites at the same time and may not join any. I've had my profile on Yahoo and Match now for over two years though I've only been an active member of either site for about 9 months total and never at the same time.

It could be that he feels there might be a certain stigma attached to being on a dating site for too long. If he is lying about the length of time he's been using match, I suspect that's why and I wouldn't hold that against him.

If you start dating him, just keep an ear out for more crucial inconsistencies.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 10:37am
He could have created his profile months ago but just signed up as a paying member recently. With Match's new "pay to play" system, he could have created a profile without signing up and now that it came down to it, he decided to pony up. I don't know if that's what he meant, but I'd give him the benefit of the doubt until he proves otherwise. If he seems otherwise nice and sincere, don't worry about it just yet.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 11:30am

I agree with what you say about lying, as Albert Einstein said, a person who lies about small matters cannot be trusted with important ones. The problem is, we cant be certain he has lied.

>BUT He would have only had a split second to think
>of what would be a believable answer that wouldn't

A split second? He answered his question by e-mail. I'm sure he had plenty of time to think of something better.

>In my opinion I think it was an innocent white lie...
>he could have been ashamed that he had been OLDing for
>a while, and didn't want to look bad

But his follow up reply completely contradicts this. "I'm not new to online personals. Actually I have tried Matchmaker, and Yahoo Personals and have had terrible results!..." Do you honestly think a person ashamed of their OLD history would openly volunteer this information?

To me I think the most plausible explanation is what cheleinsf mentioned. When he says, "signed up a few days ago" it could mean that he only recently became a paying subscriber even though his profile has been up for months.

There is only one real way to find out for sure: Ask him HOW he got his profile to appear as two paragraphs. Tell him you have tried but can't manage to do it. This is neither confrontational or a lie.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 12:53pm

Hi fiesty! First off, I need to call you on something: <> Please don't even worry about it! I'm happy you are starting discussions so keep 'em coming!


Now as for this guy... He said he just signed up on Match... is it possible that he had a profile on it but never signed up? That was my first thought. I just signed up on a site yet had done a test profile there for awhile...


I think jumping to conclusions and over-thinking is a bad thing. If it's something that is eating you, then just talk to him about it. When you're on the phone or in person, just ask him casually. Be very careful to not make it into an interrogation!


One other thought that came to me... have you even met this guy yet? If not, then this may all be for naught. Meet him, see if you're even interested and then talk to him about this. If you haven't met yet, then don't sweat the small stuff.


Hope this helps. And keep those topics coming! :o)



iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 1:47pm

>Meet him, see if you're even interested and then
>talk to him about this. If you haven't met yet,
>then don't sweat the small stuff.

Sorry cl-bklynchik but I completely disagree. What you are saying is meet him, find out if you are interested and THEN worry about whether he is a liar? Why invest more emotion in an unknown outcome? If she meets him and IS interested will that mean lies are forgivable? They have only exchanged a few e-mails so there is much less to lose by asking now.

feisty, the problem is you will be asking a question to which you THINK you already know the answer. You must forget what you suspect and ask the question without any accusations.

You like his profile and you obviously like him, otherwise you wouldn't have replied. I can't see any harm if you say something like:

"Your profile really stood out, I like the way you have separated it into two paragraphs. I would like mine to look like that but I can't seem to do it. Can you tell me how you do it please?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 2:15pm

Hal, and everybody who responded!!!

Thank you so much for all your wanderful advice! You are right: asking a question to which you already think you know the answer is passing an assumption as a question really and I came across this funny little piece of wisdom: "making an assumption is making an ass of you and me"...:)) So, this, I think was very insightful; plus, your advice about the paragraph question is excellent, I think I am going to try it.

As Vex said, may be he had the profile up for a while and now signed up...Never ocurred to me: I guess I was so freaked out (being new to OLD and all! Funny in my own posts on this thread (the original one and the follow up), there are incosistencies too, about my presence on Match: I posted a profile a month ago, but I only became a paying memmber 2 weeks ago...:)) Didn't even realize how I was conflating these two those things... This is for your amusement, guys!!!

I agree with the posters who said that overthinking is a bad idea, but it is just that the internet medium freaks me out! (all you have there is letters on a page, no human presence....), but I'll go on with this -- no, I haven't met the guy yet, and try to calm down...

Thanks again (I didn't expect that people will try solve my paranoid puzzle on New Year Eve day!!! Thanks!

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