inconsistency or am I paranoid?
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| Sat, 12-31-2005 - 3:04am |
I have been a bit too active starting discussions, but I really think all of your advice is amazing! Anyhow, need your help again. I am currently emailing back and forth with somebody I met on Match.com. I am wondering if this is an inconsistency or is it my paranoia He claimsto have just signed up (volunteered the info himself) and I don't hink this is the case … this seems so minor and insignificant, but if somebody would lie about something that minor, they must be really into some wacko games…it really weirds me out!!!!! Here it goes:
You know how on Match people who sign-up recently (I am one myself, signed-up a month ago), have their “About me” section of their profile as one paragraph – (and there is no way dividing the thing!!! I have tried with mine, several times) and people who have been members for a while have it as two paragraphs (one About me” and one about “What I am looking for”… Now this guy claims that he only signed up several days ago, and yet, he has the two paragraphs; moreover, his hole text in his profile is really structured along these two rubrics (and believe me, guys rarely just come up withy this structure, at least in my opinion; no yahoo member has come up with it on his own, for example, and I have been on Yahoo…)
Now, (whether I am paranoid, or just cautious), I decided to check and see if somebody signs up now, what their profile will look like (so I don’t develop weird suspicions): I signed up as a new member, posted a profile and guess what, it does have only one paragraph… I don’t know what to make of it: why would he claim he just signed up , given that he obviously didn’t. Moreover, he was the one to bring up the whole Match experience and signing up!!! (in his second email to me). What is all that about? I tried to bring up what I perceive as an inconsistency up in a non-confrontational, yet direct manner and here is the response I got; (here I am giving you all the relevant passages from my emails….)
Him:
“How do you like Match? Met any interesting people? I just signed up a few days ago.”
Me:
Afterresponding to his question:“Is that your very first time with Match.com? Interesting, I somehow didn't believe you are a new bee to Match -- your profile shows savviness that comes with experience, I guess!!! :))”
Him:
“I'm not new to online personals. Actually I have tried Matchmaker, and Yahoo Personals and have had terrible results! lol Maybe one day we can exchange notes.”
What do you think? Am I being over-vigilant? Is it some sort of miscommunication? Part of me just wants to delete him, but part of me wants me to learn how to deal with situations like that… Dunno. Any thoughts?

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Oh, I see. And I do agree with you (admitting to having done this on the board wasn't an easy thing to do, I just felt that people need to know the 'depth of my paranoia" :)
You definitely have a point, I get it now -- I am not e-communication fan either... it is just that being new to online dating activates all kind of "paranoid defences"in me...
Thanks and I hope I wasn't too defensive or rude.
P.S. as for my Match guy, he sent me his number: so I think talking/meeting is in order (this is why we do the online thing, to meet, right?) And as an update; I decided to just drop my fears altogether -- without being overly trusting or naive and see what he is like in person...
Thank you everybody!!!
Fiesty Girl, welcome to my world!
As someone who has been lied to in the past (most recently from someone off the Match site), I know exactly where you are coming from! I'm also delighted to tell you that I've just tested it myself and the Match site does allow you to have two paragraphs!
Whilst reading your post, I felt my stomach go into knots. I've just recently started to get to know a guy from Match and thought he was a new member. He seems very genuine and upfront about everything. So when I read your post, I was a little gutted because he also has the 'two paragraphs' thing going on!!!! I too remember when Match used to ask you to fill in two boxes.
I have a second profile that is hidden (and fake) that I used when I was trying to discover whether my ex-boyfriend was lying to me (turns out he was and was contacting about 10 people a day, not to mention being on 10 dating sites in all).
Anyway, I've just been to 'edit profile' and the 'about me' section. My profile has always been in the same paragraph. I simply hit the 'return' key mid-paragraph and changed "I'd" to "I would" - just to make sure Match registered the changes. And...voila!...the text is now split into two!! Yay!!!!
Also, think about how it asks you to 'describe yourself and something about the type of person you'd like to meet'. I think it would be quite normal for a person to naturally want to separate the text, especially if the bit about them is rather wordy!
Whether or not Match allows you to write two paragraphs when you initially set up I'm not sure, but it certainly allows you to edit it afterwards!! Try it yourself!
I also took the opportunity to look at several new profiles on the site. It seems that a lot of people set up their profile into one or more paragraphs, especially when making a distinction between themselves' and their potential date.
As for people on here criticising what you're doing...well, you have nothing to apologise for! If I hadn't been so canny with my ex (I guessed his passwords which is the ultimate way of finding out info), I'd have never ever known what he was getting up to behind my back. He'd labelled me as his girlfriend, said I was the only one and his profile indicated that he was looking for a proper relationship. Quite frankly, he only wanted one thing and from the beginning to the end of our relationship, he'd been feeding loads of girls the same line!! He was the king of 'copy and paste'!! LOL!
Always better to find out at the beginning than to waste your precious time on a dead-beat!
Good luck with the new guy. The fact he's been honest about the other sites, is a good sign.
Missy -x-
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