Insecurites

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Insecurites
7
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 1:35pm
Hi: This is the first time I have posted on this board. I am looking for advice. About three months ago I began an email relationship with a fellow who I met on a website. We have been communicating, almost daily, since that time. We have both exchanged a couple of pictures and we seem to really get along well. We both have a similar mindset and goals. He has been nothing but a gentleman and we both feel a very strong connection. I am going on a trip in May and my layover is in a city that he is currently work in. Long story short, I have decided to extend my layover for a couple of days so we can meet. He seems quite excited and we are already trying to make plans. This all being said, my insecurities are driving me crazy. All of my worst insecurities regarding my physical appearance are coming out and instead of worrying about whether I will like him I am pre-occupied with whether he will find me attractive. Any words of advice for me. Outwardly, anyone who knows me thinks I am this very self-confident person and that the last thing I would worry about would be looks. Thanks for listening.
Avatar for kelstev
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: luvme4myself
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 2:00pm
It's perfectly normal to feel the way you are feeling. Be yourself (because isn't that what's made part of the connection already?)and if there isn't a spark there when you meet, there isn't a darn thing you can do about it. Try not to worry too much about it and just have fun.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: luvme4myself
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 2:29pm
Kel, said it all. We all have went through this at some point in time. Relax and go with the flow. Welcome to the board...

Marie

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: luvme4myself
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 2:46pm
I would say if at all possible treat it as if you are meeting a complete stranger, with no expectations. Also, you might want to consider leaving it as just a cyber-friendship - since neither of you have tried to meet the other in person in this amount of time (the layover sounds like it is more coincidental than anything else. I have met about 40 men in person from the internet - out of 40 some were disappointed with my appearance - one even rudely said "you're not what I expected." And, I was disappointed with some of their looks, too - it is just life, just the way it is - except you can avoid that type of potentially hurtful encounter by deciding that it is not worth the risk. Not every cyber friendship has to have meeting in person as its goal and you two sound very happy with the level it is at now. I understand he seems nice and like a gentleman from his typing but you don't really know whether someone is that way in person or right for you romantically until you meet, IMHO.
Avatar for singlemom224
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: luvme4myself
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 2:48pm
I agree w/ Kelly (& Marie)! :-)

Feeling insecure is completely normal .. I remember the day I met my bf, I was soooooo worried/insecure/nervous! Turns out all that worrying I did was for NOTHING, he was (& still is) very happy w/ me, as well as myself w/ him.

Just be yourself & have fun, afterall he already has a good idea of what you look like from what you've told him & the pictures you've sent!

Best of luck, hoping it all works out!

Keep us updated please .. I'd love to hear how it turns out! :-)

~Stephanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: luvme4myself
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 2:52pm
Well, let me tell you sista....I think we all have those little insecurities when its time to meet up with someone for the first time. It will play on your mind until you feel like you are not even worthy of the person's attention. So, dont allow that to happen. Ask yourself this question...What type of man do I want in my life? Now, wouldnt you want a man who will love you for you and not the way you look on the outside? Well, if you want that, then do not settle for anyone who judges you from outside alone. If this man is interested in you, then he will be attracted to you no matter what. If he isnt, then he is not the right man for you in your life. That is the bottom line. You are a bright, beautiful, wonderful person, and that is the reason this man wants to meet you. IF for some reason you two do not hit it off, then that is just something you will have to accept. I dont think that will happen if you carry yourself with confidence. Men love to see a woman with confidence, no matter what she appears on the outside. So, hold your head up high and know that you are so beautiful and so wonderful,and any man would be crazy not to want you. Beauty is only skin deep, and I am sure you know that. Goodluck and let us know how it goes!!

Gail
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
In reply to: luvme4myself
Tue, 04-15-2003 - 7:39am
I can't offer anything new to what all the other ladies said, but I do want to say that I understand how you feel- I was in a similar situation- when I met my guy in person for the first time I was worried because HE kept saying "I'm nervous about what you'll think of me in person"....I was nervous about myself too- I am a typical girl- afraid I'm too fat! I stood inside the gate and didn't want to come out I was so nervous- but obviously I did and we were both exactly what we expected and it was amazing! I am SURE it will work out for you- I think people really get to know the real person through cyberconnections. I feel like you spend more time getting to know their personality and less time playing games like you tend to do in person. The point is if you both like each other now, you'll more than likely get along great when you're together. A suggestion: Take a photo of yourself and email it to him before you go- so he has a true idea of what you look like now. If he likes it, you don't have to worry when you meet him! Keep in mind he is just as nervous about what you'll think of HIM! And, just to make you feel a little better, I met my guy through a coincidence in travel plans as well.......PLEASE keep us updated on how it goes!!! good luck, jemma
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: luvme4myself
Tue, 04-15-2003 - 10:19am
Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply to my post. It certainly has made me feel better. Warmest Regards