Insecurities after "first meet"
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| Tue, 06-06-2006 - 4:25pm |
Hi there-- been off the online dating scene for a while, but decided to check out the match.com listings for my area. I saw someone who looked very interesting to me, and we exchanged e-mails for about a week, struck it off fabulously. Had a phonecall, then I came home yesterday (I was traveling for work and was out of town for a couple of weeks). While I was traveling, I didn't have any photos to send as I had my work laptop with me. I also didn't have pictures posted on my profile, mostly due to privacy concerns. So my new match friend turns out to be my neighbor... and he e-mails and invites me to stop by to say hello on my walk last evening. He'd already asked me out for dinner for tonite...
The man is drop dead georgous. I am not kidding- so much so that it was a little intimidating. I don't think I'm *unattractive*, but I could lose 20 lbs and and definately not a glam queen in any traditional sense. So when I was leaving after saying hello, he said ok, I'll see you tomorrow night, where do you want to go?
And I'm thinking: what if he is just saying it to be polite? So when I got online later in the evening i sent him a note saying what a pleasure it was meeting him, that I understand with OLD that sometimes the in person meeting is so different than chatting online, and that it was ok to make any call about tomorrow that he wanted to make. Basically, a open invite for him to politely cancel.
He wrote back a one line message- saying he enjoyed meeting me too and was looking forward to spending more time.
Damn insecurity- I'm still feeling like its got to be him being polite. But then I stopped and asked myself "as such a beautiful man, he must get this reaction from women a lot. If he's a nice person, and on the same page, get over yourself and just get to know him." I wish I had more confidence, frankly.
thanks for listening!

Looks aren't everything if anything I usually don't date "hot" guys because of the fact that they usually don't have the character I seek. However there are exceptions to every rule and this man could be that exception!
If this guy is nice and follows thru then go for it and don't put yourself down, I'm sure your a great catch.
Why are you setting yourself up for failure? The guy seems to want to be friends. Even if he is just going through with the date to be polite, maybe when he gets to know you better he will be glad he was polite because you are so charming and just what he wants in a date.
If you are like most of us, you probably are harder on your looks than other people. Probably you are far better looking than you think, and you don't really "need to lose 20 lbs but more likely you would look a little better with a little less but still look pretty good.
One of my best friends is married to a drop-dead gorgeous guy. He is the sort that everyone always looks twice at. My friend is plain to the point of having been called "ugly" at various points in her life. (I think she is good looking in her own way--but she certainly isn't "drop dead gorgeous".) Still they look great together and he thinks she looks just like she ought.
My point is that even if you aren't as gorgeous as he is, you probably are attractive enough to make a good couple if other things match up well. For you to keep putting yourself down and offering him ways of getting out of the date is absurd.
Go on the date. Have fun on it. Think of this guy as a neighbor you want to be friendly with rather than a man you think is superior to you in looks. Relax, turn off the inferiority complex and you will be fine.
Elsa