Intimidated????
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| Mon, 01-16-2006 - 3:48am |
I've had many discussions with my friends concerning men and whether or not they are intimidated by independent women. You hear that men look for a woman that is independent, has her own career and life, but is that really the case?
As I continue to struggle to figure out men, I finally decided to buy Dr. Phil's latest book called "Love Smart". He states that men need to feel needed which puts them in a position of control and security. If a man sees that a woman has a solid job, financial security, etc....he wonders what he has to offer that woman. He says that a man needs to feel that he is needed.
I have a good job that I enjoy, great family and friends, and I am financially stable. I've been communicating with a match of mine for a few months now. We've emailed quite a bit, talked on the phone several times, and have gone out with the mention of going out again(his words, but I'm not sure that it will happen). Initially, he seemed to be very interested in me. I was hearing from him every couple of days, but I have gotten the feeling that he's lost interest somewhat. He and I are in very different places in our lives. He is still in college, in his last year of his degree, living in an apartment, making a modest living. I am established in my career, have been out of college for several years, own my own home, and I make a decent living. Is it a possibility that he is intimidated?

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Sheri,
Dr. Phil doesn't really give a solution. He just seems to acknowlege these things about men without really offering any answers except for saying that you need to make a man feel needed. How exactly do you do that? Am I supposed to call him up to change a light bulb at my house even though I can do that myself? LOL
I don't feel that it is up to me to stroke some guy's ego to make him feel important and that he has a place in my life. Nor am I going to downplay my success and happiness in life. A guy should feel important because I have included him in my life, have shared experiences with him, turn to him for advice when needed, and care about him. Isn't that enough? I don't need a knight in shining armor to rescue me, just someone to share my (already happy)life with to make it that much better. Maybe I should just stay single! LOL
I'm disappointed to hear that he doesn't offer any practical, realistic solutions.
And yes, I've actually seen it recommended in at least one book that you do that type of thing with the light bulb. Pretty ridiculous, eh?
I agree with you that it should be enough that you include him in your life, etc. I do believe in expressing appreciation (not the same as stroking ego I don't think) but for some men that's not enough.
Sheri
Oh great...I just went and bought Love Smart this weekend along with Why men love Bitches and I loved the Bitches book, LOVED it. Hope the Love Smart book isn't disapointing!
SP
Really??? That's so funny, given that I just referenced that book in this thread (without naming names). I thought most of it was common sense but the parts about faking things and lying to get a guy to help you so he can feel "needed" turned me off SO much that overall the impression I was left with was not good.
Sheri
I loved it. I don't remember it saying to lie to a guy - basically you live for YOU and let them work for it. Also, loved this: Before sex, a man isn't thinking clearly and a woman is thinking clearly. After sex, it reverses. The man is thinking clearly and the woman isn't - now I'll drink to that!!! Sex and the spark are not one in the same. Like any book there are things you won't agree with but I liked it and got a few pearls out of it and will benefit.
Oh, don't get me wrong, I agree with the basic premise of the book, although to me it's pretty common sense (but I know it isn't to everyone, and we can all benefit from a reminder once in a while). But there was a whole chapter or section on faking being stupid and helpless in order to make men feel needed which was purely ridiculous, I thought...insulting both to women AND men.
Sheri
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