Intuition - Knowing he lied

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Intuition - Knowing he lied
37
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 1:34pm

Hi all, I have a question.

I've been chatting on the phone and on MSN instant messenger with a guy who lives about 45 minutes from me since mid February.

Our initial contact was only for work out purposes (we both train, and he's more experienced than I). Nevertheless, after our first phonecall that night back in February, we both said we felt something a bit stronger for eachother and pursued that.

Our phonecalls ranged from 1 hour to 5 hours - every night. We are still pretty close and I even spoke to him last night. However, there is a dilemma I'm having and I'm here to ask for some opinions because, well, it's a dealbreaker for me.

We were supposed to meet on Saturday. He doesn't drive, I do, so I was going to pick him up and we would either go to a pub or to his place (he lives at home) to watch a movie or two. Last Thursday, he told me that he and his family had to go out of town because of a family death. Therefore, our first 'meet' would be cancelled. I wished him well (although we got into a HUGE fight that night afterwards, and not about him having to cancel, but I'll explain that another time).

So, Saturday morning, 4am, he IM's me from what he says is his relatives computer. I had already gone to bed from a night out. Next morning, I catch his IM but he's offline. Now, for those of you who know MSN, we have the option of putting a picture up of ourselves. There was no picture of him, telling me that he was indeed not on his own PC because obviously, the MSN IM program had no wya of pulling a picture file from another computer where no such file existed.

However, Saturday afternoon he IM's me again and I'm actually at my desk. I was surprised, because there was a picture of him FLEXING his big muscles on there. This is odd. There is nobody at his home PC to email this to him, and there is no way he would've emailed that pic to his relative unless he is more strange than I thought. It was a comnplete vanity pic, showing his back, all pumped up like Ahhhhnold, lol.

Something within me is saying "Nuh-uh"...he lied. Perhaps he was broke, which he alluded to earlier in the week. We are supposed to get together this Thursday coming up, at his instistence now (so that makes me feel good). However, something will NOt stop nagging within me. Perhaps it's the fact that he was on a dating site at 3am at his relatives place (where we met), then cruising it off and on all day when he should've been at another relatives place (so he told me they were going visiting). I know we are all different people, but I'd bet my lunch many of us wouldn't be taking over a relative's computer, especially if we haven't seen them in years, only to surf a dating site (likely looking for me as well, since there are forums there I'm always on). I would be embarrassed to do that in my family.

You know when something just doesn't sit right with you, and you know you are not being overly cautious yet you don't want to believe someone might have told a lie? Perhaps it was to save himself embarrassment, because we DO get along, even as friends, but I hate being lied to.

I'm also sure that part of my scepticism is also due to the huge argument we had. But I keep thinking:

- at cousin's house, in another city
- on cousin's computer
- cruising dating site all day when a funeral was supposed to be going on
- crusing dating site when family was supposed to be visiting and they were making their own rounds to various family (his words)
- MSN picture is up, yet he isn't on his pc so where did the file come from.
- he isn't particularly close with his 'cousins' either, or at least not close enough to be sneidng vanity shots like that (hey, nothing wrong with vanity shots, got my own too, but they don't get sent out to my 2nd and 3rd cousins, lol)

What would you think in this situation? I just cannot pinpoint what exactly it is I am uneasy about.

Your advice would be appreciated, but, lol, please be kind. I do like the man, and I suppose all of us are trying to avoid a bad apple (not saying he is one, but who knows).




Edited 4/4/2005 1:39 pm ET ET by dbl007
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 10:51am

THanks for sharing your experience, Sunshine.

I took yesterday off to run some errands and thought a lot about the situation and what I learned from it. Then, getting home early I hoped onto the site and met another person.

We're meeting next Wednesday. Here's hoping to a better 2nd time around!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 10:55am

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This is so true, that's why we hear so often "they weren't what I had imagined". I'll never do that again. It isn't fair for either party involved.

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Done...lol. Thanks for your input.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 10:57am

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Curiosity is my biggest enemy right now, lol.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 10:57am

Wow, that was fast - good for you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 11:07am
Good for you for moving on! Good luck next Wednesday.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 11:11am
Way to get back on the horse!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 1:04pm

Hi DB,

That's great about the new guy and the Wed. meeting!

Just remember that if it doesn't work out (and many meets will lack that spark of interest and not lead to more which is totally and completely normal), try not to take it personal because sometimes it's not us as "us" that they don't like. It can be a body shape, facial features, a certain type of personality, etc. that are their "own" personal preferences, in which we just don't happen to fall within - so their personal preferences can influence whether they are interested in us or not. Does this mean that we have something wrong with us that makes us undesirable, no way!

I have adopted the attitude that if it doesn't work on a meet then it's his loss! Next! I wouldn't change myself or the way I am just for it to work with a guy. I'm proud of who I am!

Great for you for going "next"! Have fun and don't take things too seriously.

Sunshine

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