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| Sat, 06-04-2005 - 12:51pm |
Well, let me start off at the beginning. I met a guy online about 2 months ago. We chatted for a few weeks and eventually I felt comfortable enough for him to have my phone number. He called and we spent another 2-3 weeks on the phone. In that time we shared many personal things about one another, including family, relationship goals, and our outlook on life in general. I then asked him if he wanted to meet in person. He agreed. We met and fortunately we clicked even more in person than on the phone. For once I was not only attracted to someone for their looks but first for their personality. In that week period we went out 3 times. He was calling everyday and although we spent Memorial Day weekend in separate states he still managed to call everyday.(Remember, this was not me always calling!) Well it has been a little over a week since our last date (which was the Thursday before Memorial Day). Since this past Tuesday we have not really spoken on the phone more than twice and chatted online briefly yesterday. I know I may be over reacting but what is going on? I have heard so many different suggestions from friends and family. This is driving me crazy!!! I would really like to ask him if something is wrong but A.) I don't want to scare him away even more, and B.) We haven't been talking on the phone for me to get the chance to ask anything! I don't believe there is another woman. Could it be the when guys start to like a girl they back off excuse?(I definately don't believe in that!) I don't know what to think. Is "this" going anywhere? Should I back off and forget about him? It is just a shame. I finally found someone who I really like. HELP!
Confused,
tuh4
Edited 6/4/2005 12:53 pm ET ET by tuh4

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I don't know how much help I can be, since you won't like anything I have to say about your situation. But here goes --
What makes you believe there is no other woman? Are you not both in the dating stages? You should be seeing other people as well.
Your situation is far from unique. Many many people have started up with someone full throttle only to have the other person back way off. There is nothing you can do about it.
The purpose of going on dates is to find out if you match with someone. Perhaps he has decided you are not for him after all?
The upshot of my advice to you is, get out there and date someone else. Don't sit around wondering what happened with this guy, you'll only make yourself miserable.
Good luck to you.
amjay
I totally agree with amjay.....but if you are new to this it does feel awful and surprising. After awhile you will be able to accept this kind of behavior and actually expect it and move on much more easily.
Nope, I've never been able to figure out this kind of situation either, but now I am not at all surprised by it anymore...it happens all the time.
Good luck to you and keep looking.....
You know what? You are so right. I haven't stuck with just him. I met a few other guys. Guys I would date or pursue....That is still a question. I need for people to be honest with me. My family knows how selective I am when it comes to dating. I will not waste my time with just any random guy. They were very suprised and pleased to hear me rave about this guy. I am not in any rush for a relationship. Hey, maybe there is another girl or maybe he decided he does not want to date me. Whatever the case may be I guess I will never know the answer. I am not calling, nor am I begging him for answers. It just really hurts when you become close with someone and BOOM no closure, no reasons, no answers, no nothing. Oh well, that is life! I think this is telling me to call that cutie and hit the town with him tonight.
Thanks again!
tuh4
Thanks!
Why do people do the things that they do? We all may never know. You are all right. I would be a fool to pursue him. He should be after me. I shouldn't have to wonder why he hasn't called or wonder what he is thinking. If he is interested then so be it. I always tell myself that I won't waste my time on anymore jerks. Now I need to follow my own advice, oh and yours too!
Thanks again!
tuh4
Can I just add one little piece of advice? Be careful not to *tell all* in the early stages of dating. What I mean is, keep things casual and keep your date at a little distance. Time is needed to find out about who a person really is. Let any potential relationship unfold over time.
I think your disappointment stems from your investment of energy into this guy, and vice versa. To quote our cupcake, you wasted your pretty. This is not to say the guy was a *jerk*, however. Most likely he came to the conclusion that you weren't a match and moved on. This is what dating is all about. Please try to keep your positive attitude about him.
I am happy to hear that you are seeing others! You are a smart gal and will be snapped up in no time.
amjay
Well thank you!
I do not mean he is a jerk in any way. The things he is doing however are jerkish! In fact, he obviously is a really nice guy if I liked him. HA HA! I may have shared a little too much info. too soon. Who knows what it was? He did ask, I did tell. Should I have dodged the questions? Maybe it isn't me, maybe it is him? Men deal with problems alot differently than women. However, I came up with a plan. I have decided to move on and quit questioning myself. I am not going to be strung along anymore. I am trying to make this easier on myself. I think it is best not to answer his calls unless they are persistent. Let him come after me. I will only instant message him if he writes first, and so on. Call me bullheaded but I think this is the only way I will be able to block him out of my head. Boy, do I drive myself crazy sometimes.
Thanks,
tuh4
In addition to the great advice you've received, I'd just add the suggestion of not waiting so long to meet in person next time. It creates a false sense of intimacy to talk for so long before meeting, and then it's more of a disappointment if things don't work out after you meet.
Sheri
So you think we didn't meet soon enough? You may be right. I have never felt this connected to somebody while only on 3 dates. I have received some good advice and I hope that I can take it and run. Is there anything you suggest I should do in particular?
Thanks,
tuh4
What should you do about this guy, do you mean? Move on and learn from the experience, and don't wait so long to meet next time--it causes you to raise your expectations to unrealistic levels.
Sheri
this is my opinion on what i see you could have done differenty and also the red flags to watch for w/ old
one- yes limit emailing and phone contact to minimal, if there is a connection get out and meet him, if he is not ready, then move on.. he is probably pursing others and don't have time to invest in another date right now, but not fair to you if you are looking to date and also why should you get so connected to someone you have not met..
two-- your first 3 dates, were all in one week? that shows to me you were very available and to him too. and also that maybe you were very into him way too fast and he sensed that?? possibly he did learn alot aboutyou in those 3 dates and decided there no match for him. that happens a lot the guys we like don't like us and vice versa
three-did you sleep w/him?? don't have to answer, but if you went to that level of intimacy too soon he could have been working you to get that and now has moved on.. al ot of guys out there like that, that is why you wait.. (not saying you did this)
4- he is not calling you to set up future dates, to me means he is dating others. doesn't mean he could pop back in next week and if he does proceed slowly..
but in the meantime move on and date others.. like yu are :0 you are doing good!
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