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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2005
Is "
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Sat, 06-04-2005 - 12:51pm

Well, let me start off at the beginning. I met a guy online about 2 months ago. We chatted for a few weeks and eventually I felt comfortable enough for him to have my phone number. He called and we spent another 2-3 weeks on the phone. In that time we shared many personal things about one another, including family, relationship goals, and our outlook on life in general. I then asked him if he wanted to meet in person. He agreed. We met and fortunately we clicked even more in person than on the phone. For once I was not only attracted to someone for their looks but first for their personality. In that week period we went out 3 times. He was calling everyday and although we spent Memorial Day weekend in separate states he still managed to call everyday.(Remember, this was not me always calling!) Well it has been a little over a week since our last date (which was the Thursday before Memorial Day). Since this past Tuesday we have not really spoken on the phone more than twice and chatted online briefly yesterday. I know I may be over reacting but what is going on? I have heard so many different suggestions from friends and family. This is driving me crazy!!! I would really like to ask him if something is wrong but A.) I don't want to scare him away even more, and B.) We haven't been talking on the phone for me to get the chance to ask anything! I don't believe there is another woman. Could it be the when guys start to like a girl they back off excuse?(I definately don't believe in that!) I don't know what to think. Is "this" going anywhere? Should I back off and forget about him? It is just a shame. I finally found someone who I really like. HELP!

Confused,
tuh4




Edited 6/4/2005 12:53 pm ET ET by tuh4

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
In reply to: tuh4
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 1:17pm
my opinion is men are hunters and gatherers meaning they like to pursue. they like the challenge the mystery. i say lay low and let him keep calling and ask you out. i think you should go on w/ what you have been and if he is interested he will call. he could be dating others too, since it's so new and maybe you are both busy and scheduled don't work but let him ask you out again.. if he calls answer his calls and be receptive. but i wouldn't continue the calls for long if he doesn't ask you out again.. it sounds like this week he is busy w/ his family so let it go for now. he won't want to be pressured for a date if he has other things going on.. just show interest and if he is interested he will again ask you out
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
In reply to: tuh4
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 2:15pm
John Gray (Mars/Venus books) says that some men wait for days or even weeks without calling and then are completely surprised when the woman gets angry because they haven't called sooner. Tea
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2005
In reply to: tuh4
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 4:37pm
I believe that is true. Men are hunters. It is in their blood I guess. In fact, he called me this morning to let me know we couldn't go out tonight because his sister(from Europe) came into town early. I had to cut him short so he said he would call me later to talk. We will see! I'm not waiting around for nobody. In fact, I have plans all weekend long. Hopefully, I won't have time to think about a phone call. I am going to continue doing my thing. Although, I am don't want to keep dragging these phone calls along. If he wants to go out then fine. If not then I will move on. No wasting time here! HA HA! Thanks again for the tips! I will keep you posted.
tuh4
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2005
In reply to: tuh4
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 5:27pm
That is true! How do men live with themselves? HA HA! My mom told me that some men don't think it is a big deal to call a woman. Most men don't like talking on the phone. I guess I would much rather see a person face to face. Oh well, that is what keeps us women on our toes!
tuh4
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: tuh4
Thu, 06-09-2005 - 2:50am

It sounds like there's some serious stringing along going on here. If he calls again and doesn't ask you out, I would pointedly say, "call me when you'd like to get together" and then if he calls again but doesn't ask you out, "next!" him.

I agree with your mom in principle, but my experience has always been that if a guy is REALLY interested, he won't allow the grass to grow under his feet like this guy is doing.

Have you read HJNTIY yet? I think I'm remembering you're new to dating? If so (or even if not) you should definitely read it.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2005
In reply to: tuh4
Thu, 06-09-2005 - 10:37am

I do feel like I am a fish on a hook that will never be reeled in. I know he may be busy but if he really was interested in me then a quick phone call to ask me out wouldn't hurt. I almost feel as if I should forget about him. Men are so frustrating. I don't have any urges to call nor will I jump to answer the first call he makes. For example, I know he is with his family this weekend and if he does call then probably won't ask me out. We surely know enough about eachother that a phone call to BS is really not worth it. Your right! If he doesn't ask me out then tell him to call when he wants to get together.

Guess it is a given that I am not a professional dater. In fact I would choose to skip that phase. I have not read HJNITY. Can you give me more information? What is it? Where do I get it?

Thanks,
tuh4

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: tuh4
Thu, 06-09-2005 - 10:58am

"He's Just Not that Into You"--I think it's still on the bestseller lists so it shouldn't be hard to find at a bookstore or your local library.

Sheri

P.S. Having just read on another board that you'd called him and left a voicemail (so he was basically returning your call), I feel even more strongly that you need to "next!" this guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2005
In reply to: tuh4
Thu, 06-09-2005 - 7:43pm
"NEXT" is right! I gave this guy enough of my time. I am going away for the weekend and won't even have time to think about him. I already have the book "He's just not that into you". Bought it when it first appeared on Oprah. Great book! I have read it and have benefited alot from the book. I guess this time it was a little harder for me. He sent alot of postive signs at the beginning and I fell for it. I know, I know shame on me! Trust me! You think I am easily strung now? You should have seen me in my teenager days. Followed em' like a lost puppy dog. NO MORE OF THAT! I may not be perfect at this dating thing but at least I am realizing what is right and what is wrong. What I am doing with this guy is all wrong. NEXT PLEASE!
Thanks again,
tuh4
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: tuh4
Thu, 06-09-2005 - 8:03pm

Good for you, that sounds like absolutely the right decision.

Your post illustrates one big flaw of HJNTIY. If I could add anything to the message of the book, it's that just because a guy DOES call you, etc. in the beginning doesn't mean he's that into you...at least not yet! You need to take *everything* that happens in the first 4-6 months with a HUGE grain of salt! Not to mention that coming on too strong in the beginning is a big red flag, also. So I would combine HJNTIY with the dating tips towards the end of "He's Scared, She's Scared" by Steven Carter (which is a book about commitment issues, but has a chapter on red flags early in the dating process to watch out for that everyone should read and commit to memory), to get a more complete dating guide.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2005
In reply to: tuh4
Thu, 06-09-2005 - 9:52pm
Thanks, I will check the other book out too. All I can say is you live and you learn. Whether I came on too strong or it is commitment issues there is nothing I can do about it. I am just going to be myself and keep on dating! Someone will like me for me.
Thanks,
tuh4

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