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| Sat, 06-04-2005 - 12:51pm |
Well, let me start off at the beginning. I met a guy online about 2 months ago. We chatted for a few weeks and eventually I felt comfortable enough for him to have my phone number. He called and we spent another 2-3 weeks on the phone. In that time we shared many personal things about one another, including family, relationship goals, and our outlook on life in general. I then asked him if he wanted to meet in person. He agreed. We met and fortunately we clicked even more in person than on the phone. For once I was not only attracted to someone for their looks but first for their personality. In that week period we went out 3 times. He was calling everyday and although we spent Memorial Day weekend in separate states he still managed to call everyday.(Remember, this was not me always calling!) Well it has been a little over a week since our last date (which was the Thursday before Memorial Day). Since this past Tuesday we have not really spoken on the phone more than twice and chatted online briefly yesterday. I know I may be over reacting but what is going on? I have heard so many different suggestions from friends and family. This is driving me crazy!!! I would really like to ask him if something is wrong but A.) I don't want to scare him away even more, and B.) We haven't been talking on the phone for me to get the chance to ask anything! I don't believe there is another woman. Could it be the when guys start to like a girl they back off excuse?(I definately don't believe in that!) I don't know what to think. Is "this" going anywhere? Should I back off and forget about him? It is just a shame. I finally found someone who I really like. HELP!
Confused,
tuh4
Edited 6/4/2005 12:53 pm ET ET by tuh4

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tuh4
tuh4
It sounds like there's some serious stringing along going on here. If he calls again and doesn't ask you out, I would pointedly say, "call me when you'd like to get together" and then if he calls again but doesn't ask you out, "next!" him.
I agree with your mom in principle, but my experience has always been that if a guy is REALLY interested, he won't allow the grass to grow under his feet like this guy is doing.
Have you read HJNTIY yet? I think I'm remembering you're new to dating? If so (or even if not) you should definitely read it.
Sheri
I do feel like I am a fish on a hook that will never be reeled in. I know he may be busy but if he really was interested in me then a quick phone call to ask me out wouldn't hurt. I almost feel as if I should forget about him. Men are so frustrating. I don't have any urges to call nor will I jump to answer the first call he makes. For example, I know he is with his family this weekend and if he does call then probably won't ask me out. We surely know enough about eachother that a phone call to BS is really not worth it. Your right! If he doesn't ask me out then tell him to call when he wants to get together.
Guess it is a given that I am not a professional dater. In fact I would choose to skip that phase. I have not read HJNITY. Can you give me more information? What is it? Where do I get it?
Thanks,
tuh4
"He's Just Not that Into You"--I think it's still on the bestseller lists so it shouldn't be hard to find at a bookstore or your local library.
Sheri
P.S. Having just read on another board that you'd called him and left a voicemail (so he was basically returning your call), I feel even more strongly that you need to "next!" this guy.
Thanks again,
tuh4
Good for you, that sounds like absolutely the right decision.
Your post illustrates one big flaw of HJNTIY. If I could add anything to the message of the book, it's that just because a guy DOES call you, etc. in the beginning doesn't mean he's that into you...at least not yet! You need to take *everything* that happens in the first 4-6 months with a HUGE grain of salt! Not to mention that coming on too strong in the beginning is a big red flag, also. So I would combine HJNTIY with the dating tips towards the end of "He's Scared, She's Scared" by Steven Carter (which is a book about commitment issues, but has a chapter on red flags early in the dating process to watch out for that everyone should read and commit to memory), to get a more complete dating guide.
Sheri
Thanks,
tuh4
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