Is it best to post a picture?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Is it best to post a picture?
13
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 12:59pm
I'm still a little nervous about this... do i post a pic online?

also, i'm not sure i want to say i'm divorced... ex lives 2000 miles away and is not at all in my life and i don't want to be defined by being divorced... any thoughts?

thanks! maybe one day i'll get the hang of this lol

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:57pm
Hi,

I understand being nervous about posting a picture, and if you feel that way, then I would recommend that you not post one. I didn't initially post a pic b/c I felt the same way you do. After a few months, I got over it and decided to post one. I've definitely gotten a lot more responses with a picture, but again, if you're not comfortable with it, don't do it.

As for saying you're divorced . . . I recommend being upfront about things in general. I have had some guys be less than forthright about themselves, and it makes me uncomfortable and suspicious. I always wonder, what are they hiding? Definitely don't lie about your status! If you really don't want to list it, then just don't answer the question - of course, it's possible then that some people will notice that you haven't answered the question and assume you're hiding something. I'm curious why you don't want to list yourself as divorced? It doesn't carry the stigma that it used to, and even if you are not involved with your ex anymore, it IS part of who you are and your past.

Hope this helps - good luck!

ginger

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 4:39pm
Well, when you look for profiles yourself, are you interested in seeing pictures as well or are you just going after the written things? Do you think you could like somebody just because of what he says or writes? Is outer appearance not important for you?

Of course I know that outer appearance is not everything but it's definitely an important part when you get to know somebody new. I myself would not want to start talking to somebody, liking him and then find out that he is 4'9', bold and cross-eyed. That's why I never answered to profiles without pictures. And because I expected a picture in the men's profiles I could not post mine without one. Same right for everybody.

I would also post my real status so if you are divorced why not tell? I guess you think people may think you have some emotional ballast to carry around because of the divorce, right? Well, then let them know in your profile text that you are somehow "happily divorced" so that they can see you don't have any problems. Again, would you like a guy putting "never married" in his profile and then after a while he has to tell you he lied about that? I would prefer honesty from the beginning and being divorced also means you have been married before and therefore were able to commit which is also not a bad thing. I sometimes felt like a stupid little leftover when I was over 30 and still had to put "never married" in the profile.

Let me tell you that once you are over the first starting uncomfort this online thing can be real fun. I met my SO and a lot of other great people there and that can happen to you as well.

Have fun & all the best for you!

Nicole

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2003
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 8:57pm
I agree-- go with your gut instinct on whether to post a pic. (Remember, you can always agree to send a pic to anyone you start talking to.)

Do NOT fudge your marital status. If you do meet Mr. Special-- do you want your relationship starting off with a whopper? Now, that being said-- there is NO problem with responding to men that say they are looking for someone never married if you feel there may be enough other things to have him overlook this factor in your case.

I have been VERY honest with everyone I have met online-- including the fact that I am "only" separated as well as the fact that my young child lives with me full time. For some people these have been issues. BUT-- I actually replied to someone very early on that said "no kids" and must already be divorced or never married. (He is never married and no kids.) I thought that there were some other possible connections there-- so I wrote him anyhow-- saying right up front that I was recently separated and had a young child. We have been dating for several months now. (It was VERY casual for awhile, but recently we have picked up the pace.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 09-04-2003 - 1:10am
ok, well, i decided.

since i'm using yahoo, i decided to put "i'll tell you later"... that way it's not all out there for the world to see and if they want, they can ask me and i'll tell them.

that's a nice compromise, don't you think?

i'm not lying and if they ask, i will tell them... but i just don't want it in headlights LOL

not that i'm covering anything up,... it's just not a big deal... i thought about saying something in my profile but frankly, my ex is SO insignificant to me as to whether he would ever affect anyone else that i don't want my divorce with him getting *any* airtime -- teehee

so, if they ask, i'll tell them... :) until then, it's "i'll tell you later"

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Thu, 09-04-2003 - 6:31am
Hi and welcome!

I didn’t post my pic in my yahoo profile at first, I felt lil shy about putting one there. But later after clickin ’a good one I decided to post one. Joe and I could have not met if I didn’t post any. We met at yahoo chat and I asked him if I had not put any pic would he still IM me and he said NO. So I think it is best and important but if you’re not comfortable posting it then don’t do so, just wait for them to ask for your picture.

There’s nothing wrong about being divorced, it just happen for a reason…right? So I see no reason not too say that you are. Just like ginger said you could leave it blank if you want but some guys prefer to see all the basic infos before they start to talk to you. And telling all the truth in your profile won’t hurt..

I’m sure you are ready to date again, best of luck and keep us posted.

~jen :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 09-04-2003 - 2:03pm
Ok, finally!

I've revamped my profile, chosen a picture to post... and now I'm gonna take the plunge! This is kinda fun... it's like shopping but in a different way :)

I am saying that I'm divorced... what the heck.

Thanks so much, you guys!

I'll keep you posted on what happens.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Thu, 09-04-2003 - 7:51pm
I agree, it is like shopping! It's like looking through a catalog, weird and twisted as that sounds.

I'm glad to hear that you decided to say that you are divorced. Really, I don't think it's a big deal and it's one less thing for you to have to explain. Good luck! :-)

ginger

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-04-2003 - 11:37pm
I think posting a pic is essential and if someone lied to me or was not accurate about his marital status the relationship would end right then.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Thu, 09-04-2003 - 11:53pm
You know when I first started using a online dating service I thought that it was almost worse than a blind date. You never know who or what you'll expect. At first I didn't use my photos and to be honest everyday my mail box was an empty one. I figured that if I wanted to at least get one reply I had to put my picture out there. So I built the courage and posted it one night-good thing I did-I met my husband a few weeks later. He said if it weren't for the picture slideshow that the site had, he would have never known about me. He lived 3000 miles away from me, but as he signed on he said my face graced his screen. Now I know that from my experience and a few of my friends posting your picture is a good thing. Just make sure that you are comfortable with it. Also I would check out a few sites before really making the decision. I found that lavalife work the best for me. As far as of you putting in your profile that you are divorced well you always should be honest. Although if you would feel more comfortable with leaving it out and than just telling the ones you are interested in when you chat that works too. Good luck with everything.

Mo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 09-05-2003 - 12:00am
you know ... it's funny... i never really thought about doing this... for some reason i always tended to think it appeared desperate or something... but now, i've been thinking better of it.

i mean, where else can you go where you are guaranteed to be able to check them out beforehand? it's like guaranteed men.

i haven't met anyone right now i would be remotely interested in ... if my friends knew of decent men they'd be dating them... i don't date anyone from work, so that's not an option. i don't like bars and drunk strangers spitting in my hair as they talk to me..so the choices do diminish. hahaah

this is going to be fun.



Pages