Is it forced?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Is it forced?
4
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 5:04pm
So I've been trying this online dating thing for a while. I met a guy and I'm physically attracted to him and he feels the same about me. And I like his personality and we get a long fine. But there is something that just doesn't feel right with the whole thing. I feel like our attraction was in a way forced through this online dating thing. Not that we are forced to like each other but it just doesn't feel like fate brought us together. I might sound crazy let me know if anyone feels the same!
B
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
In reply to: imissybs
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 5:07pm
Bingo. Same here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
In reply to: imissybs
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 5:53pm

Fate can happen on line too; it doesn’t matter how you meet. With that said, I’ve had plenty of dates or boyfriends that have felt like of which you described. In other words we had an attraction, things in common but had I met them at a bar or party I probably may not have approached them.

My current BF is someone I had instant attraction for both physically, mentally and with the same goals. When I first laid eyes on him in my head I was doing high fives and cartwheels – rare but good feeling. But I also knew I had to get to know him; not just the image of him and so far so good, 3.5 months later! There are no guarantees either way; I could be back on the streets tomorrow (figure of speech) so just think positive and if it doesn’t work out you move on, you won’t have much choice. Learn from each relationship and grow from it.

Maybe just be even more selective, go for that instant I have to get to know you feeling – the feeling where you know this guy is your type and would be if you met him outside of on line if that’s important to you. Word of caution, you may end up missing out on other opportunities though; I have def. had a few good relationships with men that I didn’t have that instant feeling with too (even though were not together) it does happen for some folks. I watch a lot of romance movies as well..... just be careful, movies like Serendipity are fun but not likely to happen to you. Just fun to dream though! Relationships will be hard work; even when the romance dies down you have to put in the effort – sometimes you’ll have the power and sometimes he will and sometimes it will be perfectly aligned, they are all an adjustment and when you married you have to keep it going strong – if you don’t then it will die!

Cheers,
SP

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
In reply to: imissybs
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 7:35pm
Oy. Ya want forced, try a yenta. I'm not even Jewish...but a friend of mine is, and her grandmother is CONSTANTLY trying to match up every single person she meets. If she had any instinct about it, it would be one thing, but she'll set up blind dates between a vegan and a deer hunter, or a divinity student and an atheist. And she's one of those sweet sweet people who means well, and is SO hard to say no to. LOL


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
In reply to: imissybs
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 4:50am

>>movies like Serendipity are fun but not likely to happen to you.<<

Mmmmm, Kate Beckinsale. Mmmmm... okay, that was before she started to really trash her body with lousy plastic surgery. But I digress.

"Fate"... what's fate? I think we get these romantic notions in our heads about "fate" and what it means, and we have been spoon-fed movies (like Serendipity, a fave of mine, and of course starring the fabulous Kate Beckinsale... mmm, Kate Beckinsale) that lead us to feel as though any relationship that did NOT start with a cutesy little meeting or something wasn't "fate".

But what's "fate"? If you meet and fall in love with someone who is from your city, during, say, a train trip through France, you might think that was really "fate". But was it really?

You had to plan your trip. You had to buy a plane ticket (or boat ticket) to France. You had to plan or somehow wind up taking THAT train on THAT day. These are all things that YOU did to put yourself into that situation, at that time.

So how is meeting someone via OLD any less "fate"? You had to learn to use a computer. You had to learn about the Internet, and go to a web site. You had to plan to use an OLD service and put your profile up and have it up on THAT day that THAT guy did a search...

You see the point. Either way, it takes some kind of conscious action on our part to put ourselves into the time/place/situation to meet someone.

Yes, OLD might seem less like "fate" since that's where people go to meet others for romantic relationships- but so what?

I think it's all "fate", mixed in with a nice strong amount of free will. :)