It happens when you least expect it

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
It happens when you least expect it
5
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 3:27pm

I am a huge Nascar fan. I was watching the race Sunday afternoon and surfing the net at the same time. I downloaded ICQ which I used in the past to meet men. I "searched" for Nascar fans and proceeded to send IM to the ones that were online. I wanted to discuss Nascar as most family and friends have little care about my passion. The man who responded was surprised to find a woman Nascar fan. We IM'd back and forth during the race and laughed about all the problems and things that went on. I did not intend to meet anyone in that way. After the race was over we started IMing each other just chatting. Asking the usual questions and we IM'd for hours. He's quick witted, smart and we exchanged pics and handsome. He has custody of his children and lives 3000 miles away. He asked if he could call me and I agreed. We talked for a few hours that way. Yesterday at lunch he went home and took pics of himself in front of his webcam. (NOT THOSE KINDS OF PICS) and sent them to me during my work day to surprise me. They are adorable. Some of them remind me of a little boy. He said he had so much fun doing it for me. Last night we spent a few hours IMing and he called me to say goodnight.

It has been years since I did the online dating thing. I spent about 1 1/2 years really pursuing men and was heartbroken and disappointed just about the whole entire time. So I know that getting attched to this man will only be painful due to the distance. He has admitted that he is interested in visiting me but is that going to be enough for me? I have 2 relationships that I have been working on here which have been moving quite slowly. Not sure if it's ever going to move or not.

I wish I could say he's different than anyone I have ever met. And in a way he is. But how many times have we been swept away with chemistry only to find out the person isn't really who they have presented themselves to be? Sure there are red flags. Ex-wife is around alot because they have children and he has another online friendship with a woman who he says clearly will never be anything more than a friendship. How can I stop being so cautious? Like the olden times I just threw caution to the wind and enjoyed them until they went away.

Can anybody give me reasons why I should continue? Because I have a million of them for stopping and just moving on. We have an online date for the Daytona 500 but he says he wants to chat with me before that. I am just so afraid to rush home and sign on that computer and wait or waste so much time chatting with him. I have been there and done that. I can never get those hours back.

Truth of the matter is....I Like him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2005
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 3:33pm

I have one good reason to move on.....he is 3000 miles away!

I am not a fan of long distance relationships. I think you can find someone in your own "backyard" and have a REAL relationship. not just a IM and wish relationship. (my 2cents)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 3:53pm
Unfortunately, no. I can't give you a good reason to continue. He lives 3000 miles away, with his kids and family and you don't really know him. Keep this guy as a penpal, but I don't suggest pursuing a romantic relationship. It is a waste of your time pursuing something with him when it will likely never come to fruition. Would you be willing to move across the country? That's likely what it would be since his children's mother lives there. It may be putting the cart before the horse, but in LDR situations, you have to think about the potential future and whether or not things like that can be overcome.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 4:21pm
Hey Fluff, nice to see you over here ... what about the guy who your YM fixed you up with? Is anything going on with that? I wouldn't pursue the 3000-mile guy myself. I want somebody who's right down the street, myself. I wouldn't do it unless one of you is planning to move. I want to be able to TOUCH a guy I'm thinking about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 7:54pm

The guy my Y/M fixed me up with is interested but wants to go real slow. So slow it just doesn't feel like it's going anywhere. I am close to giving up on him...who knows what will happen with him but I do know he's interested.

Thanks!!

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 2:13pm

I would definitely participate in your online date, but bear in mind this guy has kids, he's 3000 miles away, he's excited about the prospect of a new friend, he might be fantasizing in his head and building you up to something you aren't and you can't confirm or deny anything he tells you.

But you met him under above-board circumstances and one can never have enough friends. Enjoy your time on the net but don't fantasize that things are going anywhere because, more than likely, they won't.

Good for you though, for using a new method to meet quality men.