is it just personalities different?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2005
is it just personalities different?
19
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 5:32pm

I just started OLD. I talked with two guys on the phone from last week.

I met one of them last Sunday. Our conversation was good. I would like see him again getting to know each other more but I don’t feel I want to see him exclusively after the first meet. But he seemed want to do that. Since the meet was first time for me, he said something like that it was lucky that I found the one on the first meet. He also mentioned something like that we don’t need to meet others and we look like a cute couple together. Today he sent me a message and called me “honey” on the message.

Another guy I have been talking on the phone and exchanging emails several times. There are some ingredients in him profile I like very much. We are going to meet this weekend. The thing bothers me is: He has started to call me “cutie, sweetie, beautiful” but we haven’t met yet. From my personality side, I won’t say those kinds of words in such a nearly time. If I say them, I really mean it. Another side, I feel that it is little inappropriate to use those words in such an early time too.

Maybe it is just people’s different personality? Do I need to consider them as yellow flag? I would like to know how you guys feel? Anyone had this situation? Thanks for the replies in advanced!

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-18-2005 - 11:06am

You haven't even met this guy yet, right? Yet he "likes" you and wants to know if you're "affectionate", and is calling you pet names? Give me a break...he's looking for sex. I'd move on if I were you.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2005
Wed, 05-18-2005 - 11:30am

Yes, this guy is native U.S. citizen.

He has a very good profile on match. Lots of things wrote in his profile are what I am looking for in a guy.
I post my profile on lava. I won’t have interest in him if he did not show me his profile on match. His profile on lava is very simple, not giving too much information. There were 3 pictures in the backstage of lava, two of them are without shirt. I did question this on him, he said he is showing he is a athletic person he said he was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2005
Wed, 05-18-2005 - 1:48pm

I have not told him not to call my those terms. Since we plan to meet on this weekend. I thought I am going to mention it in person.

I have already thought that OLD is hard even I just started for one week. Why the guy out there don't have any patient to know each other gradually instead jump into things so fast.

This guy seems a very normal and nice from his profile on match. I will feel a little disappointed on that we couldn't match on the time of "opening emotion".

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-18-2005 - 3:14pm

Ooh, pictures without a shirt...yet another "hey, I'm looking for sex, are you game?" red flag.

He does have a good line of BS though, I'll give him that.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 05-18-2005 - 3:44pm

Agreed! HATE, HATE, HATE the pictures of guys without shirts. Not only does it scream "I'm looking for sex", it also screams "I am an arrogant, pompous a$$ who wants you to admire me for my manliness!" ICK!

shan, I think you should walk away from this one before it goes any further. He sounds shady to me.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-18-2005 - 4:03pm
I don't think this guy sounds needy and clingy. He sounds manipulative to me. It sounds like he's trying to set you up so that when/if you meet he'll get physical with you quite fast. If not on the first meeting, then he'll have expectations for the second. If you object to any physical advances, he'll probably say he told you he was very affectionate and by meeting him you agreed that you "accept" that about him. He'll probably say that you need to let him "be himself" even if that means groping you. To me, no shirt pictures are a message that it's all about the physical and guys who post them want you to get that idea. If you decide to meet him then make sure the meeting takes place publicly and that you end the date immediately if acts the way I think he'll act. Been there - done that. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Wed, 05-18-2005 - 6:32pm

I read all the post before responding, but wanted too add my .o2... Personally, Whenever I saw a pic of a guy with no shirt in the profile, it was over before it even started because that is sooo, EEWWWW! I don't need to see that! I am not at the beach! Vex is 100% correct in saying "out for one thing" (and everyone else that said it too!) And the whole sweetie, honey, baby stuff, well, I don't know you and I am not your sweetie/honey/baby!!! The guy needs to take a step back and step off. It may be how he is in a relationship, and that is ok, but you and he are not IN a relationship at this point and to talk that way is disrespectful and rude and inconsiderate of anyone's feelings other than the guys own (is that really what you are looking for? I don't think so). Hence, your gut instinct, intuition, whatever you want to call it is kicking in and raising red/yellow flags for you.

Oops, sorry to be so vehement about this, but it just burns my behind when guys act this way!!! I would have no respect for this guy and that would equal no relationship going nowhere fast.
Good luck,
J

p.s. on a personal note, I don't particularly care for terms of endearment too much in the first place, but when it is right, those words just fall out of your mouth and you don't even realize it, and that is when it is appropriate to use them, it's natural, not forced

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2005
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 11:54am

Hi, just want to update this post and thanks for all replies.

I did meet the second guy I mentioned. I had agreed with you all that the picture without shirt was a big red flag. Since he had a great profile on match and pictures there also looking great. I just wanted to confirm it and how was the difference in person and on paper;) and then not wondering on him any more. So the result was we didn’t feel the connection or chemistry at all during the one hour meeting. He was not my type in person. Physically he was too athletic for me. I like a guy doing regular exercise and keep in shape but not spending 2 hours/per day and 6 days/ per week at gym. He was kind of all about physical. He speak out those terms of endearment too soon, he asked me if I felt him attractive or not more than once. I am not like this way.

I did step back from the first guy and told him I didn’t want rush to things. I wanted to spend time to get to know each other. He agreed to it. He has a vacation house and boat 2 hours away. He wanted to go to there together during this long weekend. I said we just meet once. I was not ready to go away for 2 days with you yet. He said it was ok and we can make a plan for next weekend.

Here is my question. I had a comfortable conversation with this guy but I didn’t have the romantic feeling. I didn’t have the romantic feeling with most of guys I contact either by phone or e-mails. I am afraid to meet them. I don’t know if I should try the second time after meeting for the first time. How are you handling this situation? Are you going to meet a guy you already feel that you won’t like him in romantic way but like him as a person or friend. If you meet, how long will you spend then finally confirm yourself that he won’t be the one. I am afraid to waste both of side’s time.

This is the reason I only put my profile in lava but not other sites yet. If I give it a try to meet the guys I feel they are normal and nice on paper, I have to put all my spare time on this OLD, and I also think I maybe lose one good potential if I couldn’t focus on particular one. How many guys are you keeping contact either by phone, e-mails, meeting in person?

shanshan

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 3:21pm

"I don't think this guy sounds needy and clingy. He sounds manipulative to me. It sounds like he's trying to set you up so that when/if you meet he'll get physical with you quite fast. If not on the first meeting, then he'll have expectations for the second. If you object to any physical advances, he'll probably say he told you he was very affectionate and by meeting him you agreed that you "accept" that about him. He'll probably say that you need to let him "be himself" even if that means groping you. "

This is exacty what I was going to post... I do agree he is not being needy? he is old enough to know what is being manipulative behavior to get you to fall head over heels for him , and gt you in bed.. I don't think it will work w/a very smart gal like you thatlistens to us.. Be careful if you choose to give a chance, but guys that come on taht strong in my opinion are probably pretty arrogant and trying to win you w/their words.. remember actions.. and words like that too soon don't mean crap!

I had a guy ask me on the 2nd date if he thought we were compatible. he said don't ya think. He also told me he found his match on the 3rd date.. i mean come on, we only went out for a few hours. be wary of the guys that come on this strong usually it's blowtorching and they jsut want to get you where they want you and then move on..

sorry. but i see it and read it too often

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