Is it love?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Is it love?
4
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 3:30pm

Hi All,

Newbie here. Need some help.

I struck up a friendship online that is turning into something more. We live in differnt states, but we talk constantly about everything, at least a few hours every night and more on the weekend. He has everything I'm looking for in a partner and we agree on all the important issues.

We have agreed to meet in person in the next few months and have scheduled a tentative date. Here's the thing--I'm really hoping this relationship translates into real life. I have very intense feelings for this man, of a sexual nature. If we meet and we like each other, do you think it's a bad thing to have sex on the first "date"? Is it possible to feel like this about someone and then there be nothing in real life?

I think I'm in love!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 3:32pm
In general you won't know anything until you meet in person. Come back and tell us how it was. I wouldn't recommend hopping into bed with someone who is essentially a stranger - but some people do it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 3:59pm

"I have very intense feelings for this man, of a sexual nature. "


Wait and see...those "intense feelings" may go MIA once you see the guy in person...you may meet him and find him unattractive.


"If we meet and we like each other, do you think it's a bad thing to have sex on the first "date"? "


That depends on whether or not you could handle it emotionally if you never heard from him again after that one encounter (which could happen), and whether or not you're playing it safe.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 4:17pm

Dang, Stacey - you are getting good! I second everything you say.

lucky - wait to meet him before making any more decisions. Almost all of us that have been doing OLD for a while have been convinced that someone was "the one" or that we would fall in love immediately to either have that person vanish before we ever met or to have absolutely ZERO sparks in person. Before I was very experienced in OLD, I had myself practically married and having kids with a couple guys that I had a great connection with and had talked to for hours. One I met and there was absolutely nothing spark-wise and the other vanished into thin air and I never heard from him again.

So don't count your chickens yet. Meet the guy first. Don't plan on hopping into bed with this guy that you don't know anything about other than what he has let you know. If you do meet and are very attracted to one another, there is plenty of time for sex. Like Stacey says, unless you are emotionally prepared for it to potentially turn into a one night stand, then don't do it. You will be much happier if you wait and it turns into something significant.

On the other hand, you could meet him and decide there is no sexual chemistry at all. So keep your "Internet sex" and lovey-dovey talk to a minimum or not at all. If you should build this all up and then you decide that you are not attracted to him or don't want to have a relationship, you have put yourself in a very awkward position that could at the minimum backfire and at the very worst turn very ugly.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 7:17pm

I'm sure someone has already posted this but you're not in love. You're infatuated with the image you've created of him in your mind.

You won't be in love until you've been with this person for several months to a year or so - and I mean "be with" in person. Not online.

And yeah it's very bad to sleep with a guy on the first date that lives a long way away.