Is it Me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Is it Me?
11
Sun, 07-24-2005 - 11:14pm

Last week, I started talking with a guy on Jdate. He seemed nice enough. A bit rough around the edges, but I like that.

He asked me several times to meet up, and I said no (it was all in terms of meeting at his place to give him a massage). He whined but was ok with that.

We were supposed to meet up last night. We spoke earlier in the day, and were still on. He said something about both of us looking like our pictures. I told him that I've changed my hair since the picture (6 months old), but other than that, it was the same. (I cut my hair and colored it. It was colored in the picture, too, but my roots were so long, and my hair was up, so you couldn't tell LOL) He was disappointed that I'd cut my hair, but it grows back, right? And that's EXACTLY what I said to him.

He totally disappeared. When I called him (per his request) to confirm, he ignored my call.

Today, I IMed him to say WTF? He said I misrepresented myself, and he hates that. All over a hair style?

Is it me, or is he looking for an excuse?

I know it's best -- hell, if he IS this whateverheis, he's not for me anyway -- but seriously! What AM I doing WRONG?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: gij75
Sun, 07-24-2005 - 11:29pm

Hmmmm, don't people get hair cuts regularly as part of an ongoing self maintenance routine? I'd let him go and not give it more thought. How old was his picture? If it was 6 months or more, had he gotten a hair cut since it was taken? Seems he was overly judgemental and didn't even wait to see the new hairdo for himself! Imagine what it would be like to date or be in a relationship with someone like that. Would he dump you down the road for buying a outfit that was a little out of character, getting your eyebrows waxed, getting laser eye surgery or other minor changes to your appearance? How would he react if you gained or lost a few pounds?

Plus him asking you to meet at his place for a massage is a red flag. Whining is a red flag too (at least for me, my ex-h used to whine if he didn't get his way and that gets really old really fast).

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: gij75
Sun, 07-24-2005 - 11:33pm

What you're doing wrong is continuing to talk to an obvious jerk...no good guy would try to get you to come over to his place for a massage for your first meet!

If you're looking for anything other than a hookup, that would have been your cue to stop talking to him.

I think he'd realized that he wasn't going to get lucky right away so he was looking for any excuse not to meet you. Good riddance!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: gij75
Sun, 07-24-2005 - 11:36pm

Thanks First (by the way... I love your SN! I'm hoping to be a first amendment lawyer LOL)

His picture was from a webcam, so very recent, but NOT very clear necessarily. I didn't even MENTION that I DO wax my eyebrows and did have laser eye surgery. I can only imagine the level of anger that would have been leveled against me for THOSE things.

I guess we all can't be as naturally PERFECT as he is.

Thanks again. It's good to hear I'm not the crazy one. Well, this time, anyway ;)

giJ

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
In reply to: gij75
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 4:09am
You did nothing wrong....he obviously has something to hide (as in someone who is afaid to meet or isn't free to meet or is not flexible enough about the physical attributes of someone...too stringent and picky to be open minded about someone as a PERSON). or is majorly anal retentive. BE GLAD YOU DIDNT WASTE YOUR TIME and got this look into his personality...this is definately not someone who is about relating to another person and being attracted to *who* they are but rather waaaaaay to concerned about their hair. Everyone has their preferences, maybe he has a hair fetish...but even so..for him to say you misrepresented yourself is way overboard.
Lizzie
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
In reply to: gij75
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 7:52am

The first thought I had when reading your post was this man, like so many, look at a picture and then immediately start fantasizing about the person. He wanted a massage with the pretty lady with the long hair, and then "Wham", he finds out she is actually a real person who make decisions like getting her hair cut. That completely popped his fantasy baloon.


It's not you sweetie. It's the overactive imagination of the cyber_male.


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: gij75
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 9:26am

>> he finds out she is actually a real person who make decisions like getting her hair cut.

Wow, a real person who makes decisions? All by herself?

You're all right. Something tells me he'd be a bit of a control freak. I don't "handle" that very well.

Thanks again everyone!

giJ

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
In reply to: gij75
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 11:58am
You are not doing anything wrong. The guy is just a pervert (asking you for a massage at his house...eeeewwwww)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
In reply to: gij75
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 3:18pm
GiJ, this guy is bad news. Be glad he ghosted on you. This was all about sex. A massage at HIS place on the first date? I don't THINK so! Can you say control freak player????
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
In reply to: gij75
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 12:10pm

At that point, I would have hung up on him and call blocked him. Its extremely inappropriate for a man you've never met to ask you to come to his house, and give him a massage. And very disrespectful of him. Why were you even still talking to him after that? Why even care whether or not he likes you? He is a scumbag.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
In reply to: gij75
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 4:03pm
"He is a scumbag".

CL-Truewild1969

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