is it really wise to send an email

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
is it really wise to send an email
28
Mon, 08-22-2005 - 4:44pm
I've sent two guys an email after a date to tell them that I had a good time and would like to see them again. Neither one of them responded. I'm starting to wonder if it's really a good idea to send these emails or just leave it to them to get back to you. I did this just recently and I'm so mad at myself for doing it because I really like the guy and I'm wondering what would've happened if I didn't send it. He might have gotten back to me asking for another date and maybe he didn't like me sending him this email.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Mon, 08-22-2005 - 9:59pm

I have to agree w/SP and NWW on this one.;

Thanking them at the end is enough . Why send an email. I think this has a lot to do w/ our own reassurances wondering oh maybe he doesn't think i am interested.

By golly if man is interested he will fu and make plans before the night ends on that date or call you w/in next day or so to set something up..

The more i date the more I see that it is true if a man is really interested in you he will fu and you won't have to question should i do this or that.. You willjust know..

But yes you should tell hm at the end of the date i had a great time, i enjoyed your company thank you and would love to do it again.. if they don't gt the hint there then yes why would you want a passive man anyways. most men in my book have no problem planning dates and pursing women they like! and there is no reason to keep thanking them.. ONE time is plenty!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Mon, 08-22-2005 - 11:03pm

I don't know about the younger ones, but there are definitely older ones who are hesitant, unsure, passive, as well as those who are the opposite, asking for dates three times a week at the outset! I go with Tracy, who reminded us that the very males who post on this board mentioned feeling unsure whether the woman wanted another date; and also with the men who wrote a book on dating, who said the same thing.

Instead of just writing to say "I had a good time and hope to see you again," wait a few days. If you think he needs a little reminder that you are still interested, send him something amusing or clever that you have found, or a notice about an interesting event (that you would both like). Sometimes men need a little spur in the beginning.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Mon, 08-22-2005 - 11:09pm
What she's saying is she wouldn't nor would I want a man who's passive aggressive. If I say very clear and direct, hey Joe, I had a great time, I would love to do it again and he can't get that message I don't want to date him period.
 
 
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-22-2005 - 11:29pm

Exactly! And even if he's unsure about my interest level, but he's interested in me, I want a guy who's got enough self-esteem that he's going to take a chance and call or email me.

No disrespect meant to the guys on this board, but I have the feeling that if they were REALLY interested in a particular woman, they wouldn't let a little thing like feeling unsure after a first meet get in the way of calling or emailing. If they don't follow up, they weren't that into her in the first place, IMO.

This reminds me of one of my good guy friends who just got married to someone he met online. He wasn't sure she was all that interested, but he REALLY liked her, so he kept calling, even though she didn't always return his calls, etc...not in an obnoxious, stalker way, just persistently. And now they are married.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 12:05am

You all make a good point about not emailing. I thought the same way once, and sort of still do. But I decided to listen to the guys' advice. Especially since *our* guys are the LEAST passive men about OLD. To me that means passivity doesn't always enter into it, at the first date stage anyway. So I would send a little encouraging email and leave the ball in the dude's court.

amjay

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 12:15am

They are ;-)?

Again, no disrespect meant to any of them, but I don't really agree that none of them has shown passive behavior at least in certain circumstances (I'm thinking specifically of LG saying numerous times he expected the woman to send a follow up email if she's interested, instead of taking the chance of sending one himself).

But hey, I honestly don't think it *hurts* to send it, if the guy's interested or even on the fence...the main reason I don't is that I want to know that the guy's interested in me, and as SP said, if he isn't willing to follow up based on my HUGE hint (well, more than a hint, like her, I almost always come right out and SAY I'd like to see him again!), then we're not going to be a good fit.

Sheri

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 12:21am

Actually, I take back what I said about no harm coming from sending a follow up email...remember the story I told you when you were here about the cop who left me sitting alone at the club???

A guy who is truly interested WILL contact you. That's my story and I'm sticking with it ;-).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 7:49am

This probably isn't a good reason to do it, but the first time I sent a follow up email was on my first date with my x-bf.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 9:02am

I agree with what you had to say. Some times stepping up and letting someone know isn't bad or means the guy is passive agressive etc. Sometimes guy can't really tell, lets face it most women end every date with Thank you and it was nice meeting you...sometimes messages get mixed and there are some prima donnas in the world that are just out for free meals and expect the man to do everything. So I think its fine sometimes to put a little more effort into letting someone know you are interested.

I do email sometimes, sometimes I don't...every circumstance is different.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 9:42am

"I'm wondering what would've happened if I didn't send it. He might have gotten back to me asking for another date and maybe he didn't like me sending him this email."


I doubt it.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket