Is it time to delete and move on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2005
Is it time to delete and move on?
12
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 8:54pm
I have been in an "Online Relationship" now for almost 5 years. At
first emails and instant messages were every day. Even talking on the
phone, sending flowers,cards and gifts to each other for holidays and for no
special reason. We met for a long weekend and had a wonderful time. He
since then has changed positions in his job which requires him to spend
more time at work. This past year (2004) the emails and instant
messages have been fewer and fewer, and no phone calls at all, from him. yes I
could call him. When I would send an email to his home address it would
come back with the statement saying box was full, When I asked him
about it he just said he never checks it and to send emails to his work,
so he will get them. He sends no more cards, not even for holidays or
birthday. As it is now, I can mail him at his job, sometimes with and
many times without a reply, Weekends were good for us to be online
together, but for the last couple of months there hasn't been a weekend, and
the nights we do talk are getting fewer and conversations are shorter. I casually ask without sounding like I prying what he has been doing and I always get the same answers.. Work and stuff around the house.. I need assistance on this one.. If anyone can give me some useful advise on what to do I would appreciate it.. Thanks..

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 9:08pm
What do you think he's been doing?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2005
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 9:24pm
I wish I knew.. He always says he has No time to do anything except work but he isn't online either.. or messenger says he is offline.. I asked him about that one time too about being invisible while we were online together..he said it was because he didn't want to be bothered. What are you thinking?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2005
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 9:30pm
He's married
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 9:37pm
Agree absolutely that he's married or is now in a relationship closer to home and is too much of a coward to tell you. I would definitely delete and move on and spend your time working towards a meaningful relationship in the real world. Hope you find what you're looking for. Be well.

MS
A man's got to do what a man's got to do.
A woman must do what he can't.

MS
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 9:42pm

I think he found someone in real life and doesn't want to tell you.


Could be that he has a girlfriend, is married, another online friend.


Whatever it is - changes in behavior like this

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2005
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 9:48pm
.. Yes I have thought these things too.. should I ask him or just let it be and be done with it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 11:54pm

What is the point in asking?

Linda
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 1:21am

Don't ask. It doesn't matter.

What matters is that he's not into you. If he were, he'd be paying attention to you. To be frank, it doesn't sound to me like you ever had much of a real relationship anyway; you said you only met ONCE in FIVE YEARS?

That's not a real relationship; that's a married-or-otherwise-attached guy flirting with you, or something.

In any case, it doesn't matter. Here's what you should do- send him one last email saying byebye, and then don't send him any more. Don't call him. Move on.

And next time you get into a relationship... man, five years? I don't care how much distance is between you and a guy, if he's into you then he's certainly either going to get you to live near him (or himself living near you) MUCH earlier than five years.

You deserve so much better than that- don't let anyone tell you different and for darned sure don't let anyone DO differently than that. Demand to be treated as you deserve!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 6:01am
He has no time for you. You deserve better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 9:46am

FIVE YEARS???? This is not a relationship. Never mind what HE's thinking. What are YOU thinking? What could this pen-pal-thing possibly be giving you? Basically you're saying you've been sitting in front of the computer for FIVE YEARS instead of being out with real people?

I think the other posters have missed the point a little bit about 'demanding to be treated the way you deserve.' YOU are treating yourself badly by pretending you have something with somebody you don't even know.

He's definitely married, and why would you even contact him again? When you 'connect' with somebody online, it's really important to set up a meeting within the first couple of weeks. Read the archived posts here ...

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