is it weird when you see them log on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2006
is it weird when you see them log on?
6
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 2:21pm
i have been seeing a guy i met online. it is going very well. i don't expect him to be exclusive with me so soon, but it is a weird feeling to see that he has logged on, as though he is still searching. Yes, i have logged on to, but i have logged on just to see if he has. i also removed my profile from searches. the truth is, i know this is part of the online dating thing, it just feels weird. i know he likes me alot, we keep going out and having a great time, but then i feel like hes logging on to search for additional dates. how do you handle this? have any of you ever dated people and they removed their profile? how does it work? btw, i know we are no where near ready for that, removing profiles, etc, but i just wonder if online dating makes people compulsive daters
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 5:57pm
I know EXACTLY how you feel. IMO if you are strictly at the plutonic level then you really don't have any 'right' to expect him not to log on. It sends a message of insecurity if you start questioning it. Which for me is a big turn-off. It sends the message that you want to run my life and I hardly know you. But if you have been intimate,I suggest you buy a dozen condoms (which guys hate I might ad) and tell him it's your life he's playing with-hopefully he'll get the message. I personnally don't believe in continuing a profile if I've been intimate. If the relationship is as good as you say it is so far, why would you want to jeopardise it by staying in touch with other possible contacts. Just my thoughts.Bob
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 8:49pm

Uuuuummmmm, HUH??? OK, first it's PLA-tonic, not PLU-tonic and the meaning of PLA-tonic means that you are keeping a relationship at a friendship level or "free of sensual desire". They are not PLA-tonic much less PLU-tonic which means "pertaining to a class of igneous rocks that have solidified far below the earth's surface". And your suggestion is... ridiculous. She did not say or even imply that they were having sex. Just that they are dating. And all guys do not hate condoms - a guy who is responsible and sleeping with multiple women (IF that's what a guy is doing) should want to protect his own health as much as the woma(e)n he is sleeping with.

To the OP, yes it's very difficult to think of a guy that you like being out there on a dating site looking for other women. But unfortunately, if you are going to do online dating for any period of time, it is something you need to get used to. And quite honestly, you should have your profile up, searchable and should be dating other guys. I know you don't want to, but until you get to a point where you BOTH are ready to be exclusive (and mutually agree upon what that means to you - and it's NOT just dating only each other, it means taking down your profiles as well), you both should be dating others.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2007
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 10:41pm

It may a bit odd when you see him/her log on, but when you are online dating isn't that what you expect until you have decided together that it time to have an exclusive relationship? I was using eharmony (which is where I found the guy I have been dating for about a year now) when a guy was upseat after our second date that I still was online. He wasn't the "one" he was interesting and I enjoyed going out with him, but he was not worth taking my profile down or neglecting the other people who I was communicating with at the time. In fact, I went out on a "lunch" with a guy after I met my boyfriend. We were just getting to know each other. However, after OUR second date, when we discussed taking our profiles down, I emailed the other guys I had been communicating with/seeing, told them I had found someone I wanted to explore a relationship with and wished them luck and that I would try emailing if things didn't work out and they were still around and interested in hearing from me.

I would say you should still be out there until you have discussed being exclusive. If he is still looking then he is not really that into you yet. Only you can decide how long you want to keep seeing him while he is still looking around.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Sun, 01-14-2007 - 10:32pm
I am sori I forgot my dicksionary and misspelld platonik. U seamed to have TOTALY missd my poynt. The orijinal qwestion was abowt expektasions in seaing some one else on-line
and what feelings/expektasions thay shood have after dating a few times. My responc was intended to show what mi thots wer at diferent stagez in the relationship. Hurs is to erly
to have any expektasions. I have dated 2 peepol at once(no sex). It is just too confuzing and difikuclt to keep trak of what is going on in the other persons life dating too peepol. Hopefully he decides that it is too hard two. If he duzent then i'd moov on. Just mi thots.Bob
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
Sun, 01-14-2007 - 10:42pm
I luved your response"seaing other peepol". LOL. Some times I have trouble spling wordz allso :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 10:47am
No, I didn't "TOTLY misz yur poynt". I also said that she should not be expecting exclusivity at this point and that she should be dating others. She also knows that it is too early to expect exclusivity (she stated straight out) and she didn't mention sex. She mentioned seeing him logged on knowing that he was still looking for others. To me, that does not equate sex. Your method of checking for sexual exclusivity (if indeed they are having sex) is more than a bit tacky. If they are in a relationship at this point, no expectations should be made but she does have a right to know if he's sleeping with others. The way she should do that is to have a respectful conversation with him saying, "Hey, we are sleeping together and honestly, I prefer to know that the guy I'm with is NOT sleeping with anyone else. I know it's too early to be in an exclusive relationship, but are you sleeping with others?" But regardless, if she doesn't know, then she should be insisting on condoms (whether "he hates them" or not) for her own health and safety.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo