Its feels weird now ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Its feels weird now ...
35
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 2:48am

to talk about other dating prospects here to you guys, after all our discussions about my current relationship! But here goes .... lol


I am still on Match only b/c my year isnt up yet (i think it is in Feb) ... I dont know that I will renew, actually, no, I wont b/c at SOME point in the next few months I will expect things to go one way or the other with Carlos, if neither of us has met anyone else, so I can always re-join at a later date, if needed.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 4:36pm
Oh I think you need to move to RI or down by that border because they certainly are not up in this part of MA. LOL


Edited 1/16/2007 4:40 pm ET by lovinhockey17

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 4:27pm
Just curious how last night went with Carlos?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 9:13am

Dear Abby ...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 10:49am

He does sound really great however I agree with you. If he's wanting all of that he can have that.

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 11:21am

"on the other hand, in a way I was thinking afterwards, if he thought there WAS anything possible long term for us, why would be BE so pensive about "missing out on marriage & family" AND why would he be saying it to ME? Except

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 11:49am

Thinking more about this...


Didn't you say before that you and he had agreed you were going to have a talk?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 12:48pm

"Maybe he is committment phobic"???

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 1:05pm

You're right, its not an intentional "mind trip" by him, Im sure. & I am pretty sure that its NOT that Im not a potential candidate, or not completely ruled out anyway - i think its just that he STILL, as he admits, regrets not having made a committement to someone in the past, & STILL isnt sure he ever will be able to. & was voicing that. He isnt really the type, i dont THINK, who would intentionally test me. He's usually a very open, up front person - in fact he often says to me that "i get much more out of you emotionally in email than I do in person"

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 1:07pm
Ooops, never mind, I just looked - you are in Texas! lol

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 3:36pm
Hmmm I've been trying to think of what to post for this. It does sound like Carlos is seriously thinking of his commitment issues and really sad, wondering why he passed the opportunities up. Maybe he is getting to that point/age that he might just be willing to take that dive. Giving yourself a time limit is a really good thing to do so then you are clear on how much longer you are willing to go without that commitment. Some people do take a little longer to commit, but some do decide that rather than risk it and make a commitment to one person they would rather play it safe and walk even if they have to go through hearbreak. I think a lot of people with serious commitment issues have the "grass is greener" syndrome and are perfectionists in what they are looking for. I think we all do to a certain extent but when are we willing to just accept the person we have right in front of us flaws and all and love that person for who they are, I think this is what a true lasting relationship is about and we open ourselves up to life time commitment. I'm hoping he doesn't let you go. I think he does realize how special you are and he's just battling his own internal fears, but like you said you can't help him with that and you eventually will have to stick to a timeline of when you need to have that serious conversation. I think part of you is also comparing him to your last relationship which was an abusive one as you have stated so he probably looks like a god compared to this other guy, so it's making it that much harder if you want to eventually give him that ultimatum. But just remember that IF this happens not to work in the way that you want it to and I'm crossing my fingers that it does, there are other men out there who have just as many good qualities (just in a different way) who will be willing to commit to you. Good luck with everything hon!