I've Been Out With Him Too???
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| Wed, 09-28-2005 - 9:55am |
Okay, we have talked about this before and I agreed that when it comes to OLD, your friends may chat or meet a guy that you have been out with. I'm actually cool with that, although this morning when my gf called me and said that she was meeting this guy tonight, it was with a guy that I had been out with for about 2-3 months. Nothing sexual, I really liked him, although near the end, he gave mixed signals. I believe I posted about him many months ago.
Anyway she stated that she would NOT meet him because I told her that I felt a lil weird about it but didn't have a problem (cause realistically he wasn't ever my man) if she went ahead and met him. She had a problem with it because she said "I rather not meet him, because if I meet him and I like him and we decide to hang out, then he will be around my circle (which I'm a part of)". I understood her point and thus, she decided that she is not going to meet him and will let him know the reason is because he has gone out with one of her friends!
I am a bit troubled about how I was feeling weird, but I did think this guy and I had a connection for a short while. I know we talk about timing, and possibly when I met him he wasn't ready for what I was seeking or vice versa. Whose to say if he is in a different place now??
Do you think I (and my gf) made the right decision?

I definitely think that you two are doing the right thing. Sure, I also believe that there's a "statute of limitations" on how long you should wait before dating someone that your friend was interested in and/or dated.
Personally, I think this time period should be in proportion to the time spent together or the length of the "crush". And, of course, every situation is going to be a bit different. But I think a good rule of thumb to follow is that if either friend involved feels weird for any reason then the dating should not occur.
Sue. =)
I think you both did well! It's great to have that communication line open with a friend and get respect for your feelings.
If he had been just a date, I'm sure you wouldn't have worried about it. But it was a couple of months and that could make things awkward if he and your friend got together.
I absolutely agree.
CL-Truewild1969
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I agree. Same thing happened with me and my best friend. She met this guy out at a bar one night, they dated for 2 months or so. He became wishy-washy and would only call her on the weekends when he was drunk and try and talk to her and have her come over to his place etc. She REALLY liked him, but after awhile, she got tired of his games. So after not hearing from him for a couple weeks, I get a wink on match from a guy. I had never met her "J", so I didn't know it was him. I put two and two together when he told me what he did for a living and where he lived. I told him that I wasn't comfortable talking to him because he dated my friend. He didn't understand! His response was "Oh, she and I are friends, she'll be cool with it!" Um, I don't think so. I don't think I could ever date someone my friend dated, especially if they really liked them. Now, if my friend went out with someone and she wasn't interested, but thought that I might be, that's a different story. But I draw the line at the above situation.
Long story short. They ran into each other recently and he asked if I had told her about the situation (Him wanting to go out with me). She said yes and his response was "You have a great friend there, don't lose her." She told him "I know, she's the best and I wouldn't trade her for the world." Aww! Made my day!
Layx2
Hi Tstep,
Bravo to you both--what you did was listen to your Intuition! This is part of that gut feeling that Jennie started that great thread about here, too! There was just something that told her she did not want to enter into this, and I can say that I am about 99% sure that he would have done the same thing to her, that he did to you--so you both end up hurt by him, and might have lost a wonderful friendship over it! Yes,there is a limit to the 'when you dated him' thing, but if it looks like a duck, and quacks like a Duck--it Is a duck.(he sounds like a real "duckhead" to Me! :) Try Not to ignore your Intuition; it is first cousin to Karma!
best o luck for both of you cool chicas!!
Truly,
Cupcake