I've Had it With OLD!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2003
I've Had it With OLD!!!
32
Sat, 09-23-2006 - 7:44am

Ok, that's it...I'm burned out with OLD! I have tried several different sites over that last three years and have only found a handful of guys that were not liars, cheats or just out of a roll in the hay....lol.

And the few that I ended up dating for awhile where nice guys, but there was no chemistry and it was like dating my brother! :)

Oh well, I tried, but I'm burned out on the whole thing. I'm going to enjoy my peaceful life and forget about men for now. And like they say, if it's meant to be that I meet Mr. Right, then it will happen.

Misty

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2006
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 6:45am

Great posting! I am in full agreement with you. OLD is worse than blind dating, because with blind dating at least someone knows the both of you and it's not a complete mystery. The photos posted on the dating sites are not always current, and the info in the profile is not always accurate.

I think the whole OLD thing started because someone saw a money-making deal and capitalized on it; the rest is history. And those individuals began the campaign of trying to convince the world that you "had" to have someone in your life to be complete - and we know that isn't true.

I haven't been impressed with any of the guys I've seen or met online either. My choice (like your's) is to either meet someone the old fashioned way.

Callie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 10:22am
hmm, i'm not trying to be rude, I'm really curious...but if you guys hate OLD so much why are you posting and reading on the OLD forum? lol. Just to complain about it? I guess I would have thought this is a place for people who ARE doing OLD to exchange stories and support each other. Naturally people will have some poor experiences (as in offline dating that happens) but for so many people to be here saying, I'm done with OLD, i hated it, it's stupid...well this just doenst seem like the appropriate place to say it...just IMO.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 10:24am

i also wanted to add in that i do know people who have met online and got married or are getting married...so clearly it works for some people.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 10:33am

I will clarify on the OLD deal. It would SEEM like it SHOULD work for people on some level. Even with my track record, I still think anything is possible. I cared for and dated a guy I met from Yahoo (Mark) for 3 1/2 months. His life issues got in the way of our relationship though and he also bailed on me--without even so much as a phone call telling me what was going on. All the previous men I had contact with amounted to one-time dates or less than 4 dates total. I really did meet some guys I was interested in. I believe the distance factor had something to do with it as well, but overall, they probably were not matches for me, even though I felt like we clicked upon that first meeting. Men seem to be very fickle, and I kept thinking that men in their 40's were more grown up than the younger ones.

Some of these same men also had strange work hours or were "on-call". Certainly would make it hard to date anyone really. Makes you wonder why they'd have a profile online with that issue to overcome. With Mark, things "appeared" like they might last...like he did not have too much baggage to deal with. That was BEFORE he was diagnosed as being diabetic within a month of us meeting and within 2 months the custody suit hit him as well. I really do think he was sincere in the beginning but just could not handle all the stress. Things were not ideal by any means in our relationship otherwise, but the diabetic issue affected his health and his emotional well-being. A big part of me believes if he had not had those 2 issues happen during our courtship, that we "might" still be together today.

I've learned that I need a guy who does not bail, but especially does not bail when life gets tough. No one signs up for health problems or custody battles with their ex. Likewise, no one wants problems with their job, with their siblings or anyone else. BUT, it takes a mature and stable individual to learn to balance things in their life and not neglect the things that are important to them. I just do not know anyone who has no problems in their life. There will always be issues to come up and stress is going to affect everyone at some point. But, a stable and rational person deals with it as best they can without ditching people they supposedly cared about - and that would include family members who are supportive but don't agree with the choices that were made. Mark really did alienate a number of people who were close to him. His thought process was selfish and hurt a lot of people. It took me 4 months to come to terms with things and realize that I deserve a guy who is more stable and realistic about his decisions.

OLD taught me some things about dating and how men just really have no clue about how to handle "LIFE" AND dating. It seems many of them can't and stay focused on anything. Women seem to know how to juggle many things without abandoning the people they care about. I want to find a guy who has more of that mindset. That you don't let problems overtake your relationships or long after some of those old problems are history, you will find yourself alone at 65.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 10:39am

If you will notice, the biggest portion of the posts on this board deal with disappointments in dating or asking questions about a situation with a guy. More times than not, the guy is a player or is simply not serious about finding someone long-term. The majority of the women doing OLD seem to want a long-term relationship. When the profiles turn out to be false advertising and the photos turn out to be 15 years old, or the guy ends up having an ex he's not quite over, that does prove quite upsetting in the game.

As I have posted a number of times, I do believe OLD can work, but I think it's important to also realize that the eharmony ads are quite misleading and that it just does not work out that way for the majority of the people who do OLD.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 10:52am

i dont want to beat a dead horse or argue this to death...but if you to pretty much any dating forum on these boards I think you will see that MOST dating situations just dont work out. Most relationships dont work out. I guess i just get frustrated when i hear people put things like meeting people in bars down, meeting people at work down, meeting people online down, etc. It's like, ok maybe you had bad luck with that, but that doenst mean you should go on about how stupid it is just because it didnt work out for you. it's like a divorced person saying how horrible marriage...obviously it works for some

So far I havent met anyone who says they are not looking for anything serious or is a player. I can usually spot a player...and honestly where i'm from most of the players do their games at the bars...not online. Why? because online takes more effort. With online you have to take the time to create a profile, put a picture up, pay, etc...I guess that tells me, ok this person perhaps is serious about finding someone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 11:07am
To correct you, it was not "I" who said that OLD was stupid. In fact, IF you had read my posts, I have said that it CAN work, but it oftentimes does not. The eharmony ads and all the other ads are misleading, and I think many people think it is easier than it is. I don't recall mentioning anything about going to bars..it is not for me, but if you meet someone that way, more power to you. I think you perhaps need to read the title of this thread and then read some of the others. If you want to tell only the positives of OLD, there are other threads that pertain to that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 11:10am

mitsy my posts arent really directed at you...just at the few posts i've seen in this thread of people downing OLD.

i have never tried eharmoney so i'm not sure if it's misleading.

I have had no expectations going into this. I use yahoo and i didnt even read anythign about it other than what i'm paying. I'm looking at it as ok, if anyone that interests me contacts me...let's see what happens.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 11:26am

Keep in mind that it IS very encouraging when we read posts where it does work. I think many of us on the board are happy when a regular poster meets someone great via OLD (or any other way for that matter). It actually helps many of us to read the good AND the bad. I think that is the thing here. As for eharmony, the ads are just one of the marketing tools that are used to entice people. I did their free profile and did a temporary free membership quite a while back. Unless it has changed, they provided no photos and the only match I got was over 200 miles away. Needless to say, I did not sign up to pay for their service after that. But, I think that people need to know that the ads sometimes build a false sense of security in that if you sign up with their service, you are going to find the love of your life. Maybe people are not as gullible as I think, but I hate to think that someone would join after seeing those ads for so long and then be really disappointed when they do not have a love story to tell.

I think many get discouraged when they are on their second or third year of OLD with no real results. You have to be pretty thick-skinned to do OLD, and that is something the ads do not usually tell you either. I learned the hard way that I am not cut out for it...at least not right now.

However, when I do hear of a story where it sounds like it might work out, I do still have some hope that there perhaps are still some decent guys out there and maybe..just maybe some of us will eventually find the guy of our dreams. I think many people want what eharmony advertises, but I think it's a crapshoot if that happens with any dating service. I say to keep your options open. I have gone on blind dates when that was the last thing I really wanted to do. But, I usually go with the small possibility that we might hit it off. So, all anyone can do is try and when they are discouraged, they can vent or get advice on boards like this one.

I just think people need to hear all of the stories..not just the happily ever after ones. So, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 11:43am

i totally agree, we definintely need to hear the good, bad and ugly. I guess i'd rather not hear from people who are like, i stopped doing it because it was so stupid, etc, etc. If they feel that way, it makes me wonder why they'd be posting here.

I have posted my frustrations with OLD as well...but if and once i stop doing it i wouldnt come back here and go on about how horrible it was.