I've lost my sense of humor....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2003
I've lost my sense of humor....
25
Thu, 02-03-2005 - 6:15pm

and I need all of you to help me get it back. Maybe it's the time of year that's getting to me....and I get like this every year at this time. I have my birthday (which I HATE), crappy Valentine's Day (if I have to hear ONE more lovey-dovey commercial I think I'm gonna vomit) and the anniversary of my Dad's death all in the same week. And NOTHING on OLD going on.....not ONE prospect.

Jeezum, I am going to be Forty. Freakin'. Nine. next week. Am I going to have to do this for the rest of my life (what's left of it)? What was downright funny in my 20's and mildly amusing in my 30's isn't even VAGUELY amusing at 49. If someone told me twenty years ago that I'd be doing this crap (not just OLD, but dating in general) at my age, I would have told them they were crazy. I feel old, undesireable, washed-up, unwanted and pathetic. I'm tired of being treated like I'm 10 miles of bad road or something. If I could (which I can't), I'd repeat my 30's in a NY minute....those were the best years of my life. Sorry guys and gals, but that's how I feel and if I can't say it here, where can I say it? If it's this bad now, what's gonna happen when I turn 50?

I know some of you will probably say I should take a break. I agree. Unfortunately, it's kind of like passing a bad accident on the road.....you know you shouldn't look, you don't want to look, but somehow the pull of looking is too powerful and then you're sorry you did.

OK, sniffle, sniffle, pass the Vitamin P (Prozac) and the Kleenex and I'll be fine in a month or so.

ABM

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2003
Thu, 02-03-2005 - 8:54pm

Xriver,

You KILL me! As for the birthdays, I never used to feel this way until I hit my 40's. Whoever said life begins at 40....well, I must have been in the bathroom when they made that announcement, because my 40's have SUCKED BIG TIME. Thanks for your suggestions, but I think I'd rather just let it pass with no fanfare. It's just another day.

From a person who shares the bed with all 4 dogs, dontcha think it would be a little hypocritical of me to make fun of someone who spoons her dog? :-)

As far as the "I ROCK" dance, well, uh, if I did that, it would probably register on the Richter Scale, so I better not, unless I want the sheriffs at my house :)

ABM

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2003
Thu, 02-03-2005 - 9:03pm

Lisa,

You are very sweet.....thank you so much! Poor Dad....poor guy had the audacity to pass away within days of my birthday. Kinda wrecks the celebratory mood, if there was one to begin with ;-) I know this funk will pass, it's just a tough time right now.

You know, in thinking about your other idea, there isn't a blasted thing that I want to do before my time is up that I haven't already done. And that's too bad, but it's true.

ABM

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
Thu, 02-03-2005 - 9:21pm

I am sorry about your dad. I will say some for ya.

Not one more thing you want to do or learn? Salsa dancing? Learn Spanish? Play guitar? Sing in a choir? Learn to sew? I would love to ballroom dance or salsa dance (can you believe that?) - I think it's very sexy and/or classy and they are in such great shape!

I'm just throwin' ideas out there. I'll shut up now.

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2003
Thu, 02-03-2005 - 9:49pm

Lisa,

No need to shut up :-) Your suggestions are good ones. The PROBLEM is.....and not too many people know this about me (well, now the whole board does), but I am VERY uncomfortable in groups of people that I don't know. OK, very uncomfortable is putting it mildly....I am DEATHLY afraid of groups of strangers. So, that would rule out any group activity such as dancing, although I agree with you about the salsa dancing. Most of my pursuits are solitary.

Got any other ideas?

ABM

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Thu, 02-03-2005 - 9:50pm
Hey I'm already in the 40s, and been there, thought the exactly the same thing, too. One warning to you: once you start worrying about the future, it can overwelm you and ruin your great mood, life, spirit etc. etc. Next time when you start thinking these stuff, just think, "oh, I started concerned again.." STOP, and live the moment to the fullest.
Happy Birthday to you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Thu, 02-03-2005 - 11:32pm

Cheer up ABM - things could be worse. Your aging Mom could be living with you and interfering with your OLD life as well...

PS - You become what you think about most of the time. Believe me this cliche'd old self-help saying is right on. Change your focus. Remember, people are attracted to positive, happy people. I cannot tell you how many times per day as I go from client to client that I think that to myself as I meet someone who is just very upbeat and positive (fake it if you have to!).

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 7:48am

Hugs to you Ann -- I'm with ya. I'm gonna be 48 in a couple of weeks. I absolutely HATE valentine's day.
My antidote to feeling old and icky is to take a yoga class. Have you ever done that? At the very least, it'll make your body feel good. I've been doing a 'power yoga' course once a week and it's awesome.
That said, painting your toes helps too. Cook yourself something really yummy and healthy. Buy some new earrings. Come here and vent!

Sposa

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 9:01am

Hey ABM,

First off, ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

Second, I haven't had a chance to read the other replies yet, so forgive me if I am repeating anything.

Here's a question for you (and I'm asking for an honest answer here btw). You mention that you would relive your 30s because they were the best years of your life. Why?

Here's another perspective.... the same way you are saying that, there are people saying that they'd love to redo their 40s and 50s for the same reason!

I guess my point is that age is just a number really. I know it can be depressing to think of that number, but that's only when you sit there and think about that number! So just DON'T! You truly have control over your thoughts and actions, so why not decide that THIS year, you're just NOT going to go there! That this year will be different; in fact, that you are going to CELEBRATE something this year. I dunno, celebrate your coming out, and realizing that you can change it this time. Go out and buy yourself something nice - a nice piece of jewelry that you can show off, or a new outfit or something. And be proud of yourself!!! I have read your posts and I have gained a lot of insight and wisdom from your experiences, and I also wanted to say thank you for that. One never truly knows how (or who) one is touching in different ways, and one person could make a difference in someone's life!!!

HHHHHAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPYYYYY BBBBBIIIIIRRRRTTTTHHHHDDDAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 9:07am
p.s. my dad died the night before my birthday and i found out right on my birthday, so i'm right there with you on that. and can i just say it SUCKED for years! but now, 20 years later, i don't hardly even think about it. i remember more his birthday than his passingawayday - perhaps one day you'll get there too. i hope so....
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 9:10am

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I LOVE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!