I've made a decision

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
I've made a decision
23
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 9:42pm

Alert the media! I'm done thinking!

I'm going to give this r'ship a shot. AS SP said in her last post, to break up around the 5-6 month mark is the easy way out. Sheri pointed out something as well, "Give him some time to THINK about it...you might be surprised at what he ends up doing. Or not...but at least you'll know that you tried your best."

He called me today. He only had about 5 minutes between meetings, but wanted to know how I was doing. I said I was just OK as I felt there wasn't enough time to cover what I really had to say. (and you all know how I can go on!) He said not to worry about things, that we'll work them out somehow. I guess he's thinking about it already.

Amjay's point about looking at the big pictire made sense as well. It IS only a few months out of the year. And if we can come to some kind of an agreement, those few months will be nothing.

Yes, we will visit this subject again. Next time, however, I would prefer we talk it out in person.

Also, I think I was feeling insecure as I've hardly had any relationships in the last couple of years. The guys bailed long before this with the few I did have. I think I was just anticipating that he was on his way to doing the same.

And thank you, thank you everyone so much. ALL the advice and ideas I've received really helped me to put things in perspective. Now I know why I like hanging around here.

Well, wish me luck, or I may be back here crabbing again in the near future!

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 9:56pm

Hey there, I'm glad to hear it. Hopefully you'll see a willingness on his part to meet you partway on this and other issues. Keep us posted!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 11:20pm
I want to wish you good luck. I'm glad that you came to a decision. I didn't give advice earlier b/c I'm really not good at relationship type stuff. Thought I'd leave that to the experts. I sincerely hope that everything works out well for your future.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 12:20am
YAY!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2004
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 6:27am
Good decision! I think that phone call from him, as simple as it was, said a lot!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 10:26am

Good for you. As I was reading this I wondered something. Is it that you don't like being on the boat at all -- you don't find it relaxing or enjoyable -- or is it that you don't have time to get there? Because I would think it was pretty cool to have a bf who had a boat ... could you possibly be a little resentful that he has more 'free' time than you do? I know it has sounded like he has *chosen* to spend that time on the boat rather than with you, but is it that you can't go there with him, or that you don't *want* to go there?

It does sound like he cares about you and is listening to your concerns, and that he hasn't figured out how to address them, but that is understandable. The right solution or compromise just hasn't come to him yet. The way you two communicate and work it out will probably be a big step in the relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 12:33pm

You wrote: Also, I think I was feeling insecure as I've hardly had any relationships in the last couple of years. The guys bailed long before this with the few I did have. I think I was just anticipating that he was on his way to doing the same.


Your statement above sounds like me. I did break up with a few though, one at 5 months and one at 2 months but the rest sort of broke it off with me the past few years. I can relate to your feelings that’s why I keep posting to you because I’m right there with you. Also that’s why if your married you MAKE IT WORK whereas when you’re single it’s so much easier to throw the relationship away because most people don’t want to put the work and effort into it. So they go back out there, get that high again from a new relationship only to discover another set of problems.


 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 1:16pm

The Pea "nut"-You are soo cute. You really keep things real. I love your upbeat, positive outlook on life, men, and romance.

I have my fingers crossed for both you and LUV. Hang in there girls. There has to be successess on this board.

Hugs
Jodie

 

http://tickers.ticke

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Fri, 05-06-2005 - 7:25am

Hi Sposa...Actually, I LOVE the ocean. I grew up on Long Island and never lived more than a mile or two from the beach, until I moved here. Now the closest beach is at least an hour away w/o traffic. While I never owned a boat myself, I've had plenty of friends who did and always enjoyed my time on one.

And I don't think I'm jealous of the fact that he has more free time than I. What bothers me is that he's hardly spent any of it with me as oppsoed to "pre-boat season" where it seemed he couldn't get enough of me.

I reallt don't have an issue that he feel he needs to be on his boat every weekend. That's his thing. I do, however, have an issue with the fact that he is not making any time for me. Not during the week, etc.

I'm actualy starting to regret my decision to work on this r'ship as he is already waffling on his "promise" to make time for me during the week. His latest "must do"...paint the garage floor. Though he hasn't comne out and said it yet, I have a feeling that's going to be his reason why he can't see me next week. Hmph!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Fri, 05-06-2005 - 7:41am

SP...I really appreciate the way you put everything into perspective. It's been great to talk this out with you.

There are some differences between your guy and mine. Yours is "seing" you and doing things with you. Mine is MIA. When I had the issue with my guy not calling, yours would still text or communicate with you in some way.

BTW, he's already rethinking his decision about getting together during the week. I aksed him which day would work for him and I got the "I have to check my schedule" bit. He was at work at the time. But he made sure to tell me that he has to paint his garage floor very soon. Um, yeah.

I loved The Notebook. I just cried and cried at the end. It hit a special place with me as my husband passed away just over 2 years ago and what I felt was that I had missed out on growing old with him. I'll never have that type of history with anyone else, ever.

You hang in there too!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Fri, 05-06-2005 - 7:57am
Thanks Jodie. I have my fingers crossed for you too!

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