I've made a decision

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
I've made a decision
23
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 9:42pm

Alert the media! I'm done thinking!

I'm going to give this r'ship a shot. AS SP said in her last post, to break up around the 5-6 month mark is the easy way out. Sheri pointed out something as well, "Give him some time to THINK about it...you might be surprised at what he ends up doing. Or not...but at least you'll know that you tried your best."

He called me today. He only had about 5 minutes between meetings, but wanted to know how I was doing. I said I was just OK as I felt there wasn't enough time to cover what I really had to say. (and you all know how I can go on!) He said not to worry about things, that we'll work them out somehow. I guess he's thinking about it already.

Amjay's point about looking at the big pictire made sense as well. It IS only a few months out of the year. And if we can come to some kind of an agreement, those few months will be nothing.

Yes, we will visit this subject again. Next time, however, I would prefer we talk it out in person.

Also, I think I was feeling insecure as I've hardly had any relationships in the last couple of years. The guys bailed long before this with the few I did have. I think I was just anticipating that he was on his way to doing the same.

And thank you, thank you everyone so much. ALL the advice and ideas I've received really helped me to put things in perspective. Now I know why I like hanging around here.

Well, wish me luck, or I may be back here crabbing again in the near future!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Fri, 05-06-2005 - 1:58pm

>>That’s why with M I hope he parties a lot this summer (gets it out of his system, so partied out he’s sick of it) because if we are meant to be those single bachelor days on the boat or downtown at the bars (they can still happen) won’t be as frequent especially if kids are in the picture and for me if we want kids.

Sorry to thread cr^p - but the above really scares me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Fri, 05-06-2005 - 2:03pm

Huh? Confused – please clarify?


 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Sat, 05-07-2005 - 3:27am

Hi luv

i read your messages and I am sorry you are going through this. I wonder what your ages are?

As I believe as we get older we get more settled/ and have our own ways and we are the priority. It is much more difficult when you are older to be in a r'ship and realize the way you have been living single the past few years has to change a bit because now you have someone else to think of. We do get selfish as we are single . So being in a r'ship is a lot of work and compromise. Sometimes people are not ready to make someone else a priority either. I also agree the 3mth and 6 month marks are extremely significant. the 3 mth is the time where you decide to end it or be excusive. the 6 month mark is stepping it up further to more of a committment and some men will wonder if this is what they want and start to question little things as they wonder if you are long term potential. sometimes they dont' give it a chance and fly off the other way. Maybe he does think you have potential and that scares him as well or the other thing is men think women want marriage right away so if he commits more to you that means he is promising something to you and all you are asking for is the r'ship to move forward. you are not asking for a ring tommorrow. you want to be sure things progress nicely before deciding he could be the one . I do believe a lot of r'ships break up at this point because of expectations of one person or the other and misunderstandings about what is going to happen next.

take your time, slowly ease past this but if he is not putting any work into the r'ship it needs to be discussed otherwise it will just fall apart and you will have resentment and you will grow apart.

the Notebook was an awesome movie, I cried both times I saw it!! But that man adored her!

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