Jeckyll & Hyde

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2003
Jeckyll & Hyde
7
Sun, 11-05-2006 - 10:41pm

Sorry if this gets long - but I'm soooooooo totally baffled by this guy.

I've said in other threads that I spend very little time on msn - I prefer to go right for a coffee drink rather than "chat" online.

Had an awesome date with a guy from online a few weeks ago. . . hadn't spoken much online prior. We wound up talking and having appies & drinks and a tonne of laughs. He said several times he was very happy we decided to get together. He paid and after walking me to my car and giving me a hug - asked if I'd like to do dinner again and I of course said I would.

A few days later on msn he initiates conversation and said he had a great time the other night and hoped I did too.

So I had a great feeling about this guy . . .

Over the last few weeks he initiates conversation with me on msn every few days. But when I suggest doing something . . . nothing ??

First I mentioned going for a drive around to explore the lake areas (he just moved here from a flatland - we have tonnes of mountains and incredible lakes/dams etc) cause he just bought a digital camera and he could send pics home. His reply - "ya maybe someday I have to find a job". Granted I appreciate that he wants to find a job - but that shouldn't stop him from driving around for a sunday lol . . .

Second I mentioned that we should do movie night sometime (since he hadn't yet found a job) -- I didn't specify going to a theatre or renting . . . but his reply was "ya we can do whatever you like". I didn't really push that - maybe if I had said ok let's do a movie he would have but I just didn't get the vibe . . .

Third - on saturday last weekend we were chatting (again - he initiated) and I said I was going to go shopping. He said ya he needed to go buy a ball glove. So I'm thinking he had given me a good opening - and said well I'm going to sign off now but if you want to hang out or go shopping later call me. His reply? "ok" . . . and no phone call.

Fourth - finally - just tonight. Again, he initiates and during conversatin I mention a local band playign tonight and asked ifhis friends were dragging him to it. He asked when and where and sounded interested. Asked if I was going and I said no I hadn't really made plans or asked any friends so I figured it was to late. He said it's never too late. At that - I made yet another attempt and said well if you're interested in seeing them let's go . . . Just guess his reply - - "nah".

OMG !!! What the heck is it just me or is he like the KING of mixed signals. He's asking all about the band, if I am going . . . etc etc yet says no. Same with shopping day - - I'm going shopping and he tells me he needs to go buy somethign . . . would a person NOT take that as an opening to make a suggestion from a guy who is initating conversation after having met you already.

Anyway - - it gets worse.

I say - wow you really are puzzling to me

he asks why

I say well everytime I suggest we do something you're not into getting together

He asks what the problem with that

I say not a problem just puzzling because I had thought you wanted to see me again but everytime I mention it nothing comes of it

Then I add - plus msn isn't really my preferred way to talk to someone that lives in the same town.

He says "well don't talk to me then"

I ask if that is sarcasm?

He says "no it just seems you don't want to just talk to me".

Anyway I go on to say that I don't mind chatting with people that I am going to see again and I had thought we would see each other again only now I'm getting the impression that that isn't going to happen . . . and if I'm wrong tell me.

Well he signed out without comment.

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So yeah - I know it's pretty darn evident that he's not interested. It is just so totally weird to me. It's not like we didn't already meet. And having met me once (and being seemingly quite interested) why in the HECK is he initiating these conversatoins with me on msn ???

His msn personality sucks which is why I don't want to chat with him. Nothing gets a guy blocked on my msn faster than being a one worded freak "ya / nah / lol / lmao / " . . . I'm sure all you women know what I mean. I give them benefit of the doubt early on in that most men probably just don't know how to type . . . but it's still a major pet peeve which is why I avoid msn.

Sorry for the long rant. I'm just so bugged by this one. His real life personality was so incredible compared to what I see on msn. Based on his msn chatting - - I'd have never bothered meeting him if we had spent any amount of time online - I'd likely have blocked him quite quickly. But I'm a firm believer in the fact that you cannot get much of a persons' personality off of msn - - you can't get the tone or the smile or anything.

I've NEVER had this reverse situation in my entire online dating history. Sure I've had men "vanish" after the first meet - - fair enough. I've vanished on guys after the first date . . . but to havec a good first date where the guy asks to see you again . . . and that same guy maintains contact on msn. . . only to want nothign more than to chat???

Baffling.

I mean - - I don't think any of my suggestions could be translated into marraige proposals or invitations to come jump my bones. I didn't pressure for him to spend money or anything.

Weird Weird Weird.

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I'm tempted to email him this:

J -- sorry if I offended you by not wanting to chat on msn. I just really enjoyed meeting you and your personality comes through in real life far more than what I see on msn. It just makes more sense to me for us to get together for drinks or hang out than it does to spend any amount of time on msn . . .

I could throw in the detail too about how eh doesn't type that well so I make a comment and then wait 5 minutes (or what feels like it) for his brief reply and then I feel like m doing all the talking. but I figured if I send it - I want to keep it very short and to the point - the poitn being I really enjoyed him in real life and just don't want to continue the msn thing if we're never going to meet again.

Sorry again ladies for the long rant - butlike I said - this guy just SOOOOOO baffles me.

Any suggestions or thoughts or similar experiences to share would be great - I know I know - - he's soundign like quite the jerk -- but that real life encounter was just sooooo great and I am really thrown by his maintaining contact when/if in fact he doesn't seem to want to see me again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
Sun, 11-05-2006 - 11:05pm
I understand completely that you want to know what happened between I'd like to see you again and the sign off but in the end it doesn't really matter. He doesn't seem to be interested so I think you should just move on and leave it be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2003
Sun, 11-05-2006 - 11:52pm

It appears that he's only looking for someone to chat with....I've had that in real life...it was with someone I dated briefly that I met at work and after he broke off with me he continued to initiate all the chats on MSN, Work intant messages and calling me at home to talk until the wee hours but would never do anything outside all of our "chats"....Weirdos!!

Tea

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2003
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 12:10am

Thanks for your reply Tea . . . It is absolutely weird to have this happen AFTER having a good first meeting . . .

I wouldn't have minded some chatting with this guy if he at least was capable of chatting . . . like I said - some guys on msn who just do the standard yes/no/lol crap . . . I mean yeah I might get the odd full sentence out of him . . . but nothing significant that is worth spending hours on msn for.

LOL at least if he could hold up his end of the convo on msn I'd not be so anxious to meet . . . but I said to a friend of mine a couple of weeks ago "I got to get this guy in person again because if i keep chatting with him I'll wind up forgetting how much I liked him in person and blocking him because he sucks on msn"

Guess maybe that's what I'll do . . . cause the mixed signals and what I'm interpreting as openings to invite him out . . . followed by the rejection - is getting pretty annoying.

Time for me to vanish I guess :-) Cause yeah - I've got better things to do than chat with someone I'll never or rarely see again.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 12:31am

This isn't as rare as you might think. I have had quite a few guys do this--great first meet and they keep talking to you and say they want to go out again but never actually ask you out for a second date. I have no idea why they do it so I've given up trying to figure it out.

I would just send him an email that says something like "call me when you have time to get together again" and then ignore any contact that isn't a call asking for another date.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2003
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 1:10am

thanks sheri,

yeah it's weird but I guess not so unusual.

I'm surprised I expected a whole slew of messages saying not to email him and/or what are you dense he's NOT interested LOL.

I think I will do just as you said - - I'm one of those people who always worry that a guy stayed away because he didn't pick up on my interest or was put off by some comment I made or did not make.

Anyway this will solve that - it'lll give me an opportunity to say one final time that I liked meeting him and would like to see him again sometime. . . if he's offended by my not wanting to chat on msn this should alleviate that . . . but then I'll stop on the msn.

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LOL but I think I'll even give the email thing a few days and ponder it a bit more . . . I'mstill a little shell-shocked by what I consider to have been total rudeness on his part this last msn convo. I mean - to reply with "nah" to an invitation out . . . . lol how rude.

Evils of msn . . . tone is lost . . . sarcasm is misinterpreted . . jokes aren't "gotten" . . . .

Sigh I long for face to face contact to get to know someone - - - msn is for the birds :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 3:05am
wow, i'd be pretty mad I have to say. It sounds like your date went well, he was hugging you and asking you out again at the end of the night-to me that's a sign of a good date. And YES i'd be so irritated by his behavior on msn. If i want to chat with someone on msn after a date it means i want to SEE them again. If I dont want to SEE them again, I dont want to CHAT with them...it's not hard. Why oh why do some men do this??? It's beyond weird. It's posts like these that make me want to settle for the next decent guy that comes along, lol...seriously dating is brutal, it's horrible, awful and NOT fun. What's worse is when you think you're having fun, and BAM you were wrong...I think i'm scaring a newly single friend of mine with some of my dating stories. she wants to get back with her ex and i dont blame her in some ways....
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 10:40am
You could send him that email if you wanted to,

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