The joys of online dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2006
The joys of online dating
4
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 11:18am

How do you handle the fact the guy you met online is still actively looking? I met a guy about 2 months ago. We've had lots of long phone conversations and only 2 in-person dates (we scheduled more but he often has to cancel due to being put on call for work). I felt like we had a really good connection especially after our second date which lasted 8 hours. I felt like there was the potential for this to go somewhere. I lost interest in trying to date other guys from online because this guy seemed to be everything I was looking for. Unfortunately we haven't seen each other in 3 and a half weeks due to his work obligations and then a 9 day vacation. We were supposed to see each other this past weeked but due to some mis-communication it didn't end up happening.

I would occasionally check to see if he was active online and usually he had been active within 3 or 5 days but then I see that he's recently put up 6 new pictures from his vacation! And has been active within 24 hours every day this week. I know I shouldn't torture myself by checking to see when he's been active because obviously I am too but I really don't want to see anyone besides him and I'm not sure how to handle the fact that he's actively looking to meet new women! Any advice you can offer would be much appreciated!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 11:29am

It's not comfortable but you just deal with it.

heather 5-18-10
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 11:55am

Welll...if I hadn't seen and responded to another post of yours on another board, I'd probably just say the same thing as Vexer...but honestly, I don't think this guy is all that interested in possibly forming a relationship with you, although I think he'd be happy to sleep with you.

Sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear...unless you have new information that you didn't post about what happened this weekend, I don't think it was miscommunication that led to you not seeing him this weekend.

I would move on mentally--if he calls and asks you out again, then you can see how you feel if and when that happens...but I wouldn't hold my breath if I were in your situation (at least based on what you've posted).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2006
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 12:17pm
I guess I'm just grasping at straws to try to make myself feel better. I'm feeling extremely depressed, I couldn't even go to work yesterday or today. I know I shouldn't be so upset over a guy that I've only known 2 months but he was the first guy in years that I actually thought had the potential to be "the one." He seemed like such a genuinely nice guy which is probably why I can't bring myself to believe that he is looking for sex. I've made an appointment to see a therapist but unfortunately she's not available for 2 weeks! I really don't know what to do. I can't seem to be able to distract myself with other things so that I'll stop obsessing about him . . .
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 12:33pm

I'm sorry to hear that...I know it's disappointing, but it does seem that your reaction is rather disproportionate given that you only had a handful of dates with him. But I do understand--I've had some guys affect me that way even though it makes no sense, rationally. I find I really need to keep reminding myself of the realities to keep myself as grounded as I can.

I think going to talk to someone is a good idea--perhaps you can gain an understanding of why you reacted as you did and how to keep your expectations more moderate in the future. That's too bad that you can't get in right away, though...hang in there. I think if you force yourself to go to work and just DO stuff you'll find that you get distracted despite yourself.

Sheri