Jumped back in

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Jumped back in
9
Fri, 04-29-2005 - 10:38pm

I guess I couldn't stand it for long.

Linda
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
In reply to: lstammy
Sat, 04-30-2005 - 2:42am

Hi Linda,

You have the right idea! "No go, No glow" I say! Sitting and waiting for someone to 'decide' to capture a wonderful girl like you? I think not! These guys can be very unusual; now that I am dating Tall Man, quite ecstatically, there is one who had written and im'd me for almost a Month, but never asked for a phone contact, nor asked me out. Well, he came on the im the other night, when I was im'ing with my best girl pal up in the city. When I said that I have a boyfriend and I am going to stop all other contact with potential dates, he actually got all Huffy with me!??? What up?! No, if you meet the Right man, things will flow like melted chocolate, and be Just as sweet!

I do think you are right in staying in the playing field, and respect people who take a short break, but always hope they will return after a short rest. Go. Do. Have Fun, and one of these days, when you least expect it....

All the Best, Always
Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
In reply to: lstammy
Sat, 04-30-2005 - 11:28am

Linda,

I'm glad you're back as well; sometimes the much-needed break is just the right thing!!

Good luck -- and keep us posted!!

Tracy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
In reply to: lstammy
Sat, 04-30-2005 - 12:39pm

I think you're doing the right thing for yourself. Go get em!!!

amjay

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: lstammy
Sat, 04-30-2005 - 1:55pm

Hey Linda! It sounds like you are definitely on the right track. Keep it up. Sounds like you might have something interesting coming up soon. I sure hope so. But sure, why not have fun with Mr. Not Ready for now, but keep your eyes open for Mr. Can't Live Without You! It'll either work out great or make Mr. Not Ready sit up and notice what he is going to miss out on when you are gone.

I am in exactly the same situation. I've been seeing my guy for a month and he is not ready to make a commitment any time soon. So, while I am enjoying being with him and all that comes with it, I am keeping my options open and still have my profile on Match. Yahoo is gone, and I am thinking of completely deleting the profile on eH. So I am dating my own Mr. Not Ready and seeing what else is out there.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lstammy
Sat, 04-30-2005 - 2:28pm

Hi Linda, nice to "see" you, and I'm glad you're getting out there again.

Regarding Mr. Not Ready: I have kind of a philosophical question for you and everyone. Greg (the HJNITY author) talked several times on Oprah the other night about creating space for someone who's right for you by NOT continuing to date people who don't want the same things, etc. I would tend to agree...if you have someone in your life who's filling that spot (at least on a part-time, non-committed basis) you tend not to be as open to someone else. I guess I don't understand dating just to date, if you want a serious r'ship. I'm not talking about the first 2 months or so, where you're dating several people to find out if any of the guys is potentially right for you...but once you've determined that a guy *doesn't* want the same things (and to me, "not ready" after dating for several months is an excuse that means he doesn't want a committed relationship), why continue to date? I'm not trying to criticize, I'm just curious as to everyone's thoughts on this.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
In reply to: lstammy
Sat, 04-30-2005 - 2:51pm
I agree with NWW and it seems that hanging out with non commiters past say 6 months is either FWB or an excuse not to start a better relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2004
In reply to: lstammy
Sat, 04-30-2005 - 2:55pm

Best of luck to you, Linda! I'm glad you're "back in the game". Here's hoping this time you find what you're looking for. :-)

Eric

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lstammy
Sat, 04-30-2005 - 3:16pm

Even six months seems too long to me, unless there's a specific circumstancial reason why someone can't or isn't willing to make a commitment to date you exclusively after 2-3 months (e.g., he's waiting to find out if he's being transferred out of state or something like that). Absent those specific circumstances, though, I think 3 months is plenty of time for someone to decide whether you're worth dating exclusively!

I'm mostly wondering, though, how much emotional energy most of us have...and does dating someone, even casually, beyond the point where there's a reasonable chance that he's going to commit to you, take up too much of your available emotional energy, so that you're not really "available" to meet other men, even if you're putting yourself out there?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
In reply to: lstammy
Sun, 05-01-2005 - 8:30pm

Well, you all make some very valid points.

Linda