Just had to share

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Just had to share
10
Sat, 10-08-2005 - 9:38pm
Hi everyone! I haven't posted in awhile. My life is busy beyond busy. However, I jsut felt I had to share soemthing with everyone. The guy I met on eHarmony at the end of July...the one everyone thought was too good to be true. Well, he was exactly what he portrayed himself to be. He treated myself and my daughter well. He and I talked, e-mailed, or text messaged each other everyday. He gave me his password to his on-line accounts, even though I didn't even ask. It just came up when I was using his computer and he had me access soemthing for him. He said ," I don't have anything to hide from you" and he didn't. He took me to Vegas. We stayed at the Bellagio. He had a dozen red roses with one yellow one inthe middle delivered to the room. It said how one always stands out in the crowd. I could go on. The sad part is that I always was questioning my feelings. I guess I was hoping my feelings would grow over time for this man that was absolutely wonderful. I was always honest with him about my feelings. However, I knew his feelings for me were much stonger than mine were and he deserved better. I finally "ended it" our relationship yesterday with the hopes we can be friends. It has been an emotional experience for me, and I keep second guessing my allowing such a wonderful man out of my life. But, I did want I think woul dbe in his best interests in the long run. My point of sharing this story is to let everyone know that some great men do exist, contrary to my own beliefs. I can only hope to find someone as great as him again, that I also share the same romantic feelings for.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2005
Sun, 10-09-2005 - 8:44am
May I ask what feelings you were questioning? Was there something about him that didn't appeal to you? Did you feel that you were forcing yourself to 'really like this guy' and it just made it worse?
If this guy is as great as you say and likes/respects you enough to want to be just friends (and acts upon it) then he is a true blessing. And a very rare one. You just might be better as friends then in a relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Sun, 10-09-2005 - 10:22am
You pretty much nailed it on the head. I felt like I was trying to get myself to fall in love with him because I don't think I'll eve meet someone again that cared about me so unconditionally. Since our talk Friday, he said he would always be my friend, but to hang out together would just be awkward. I can totally respect and understand that. I'm just dsappointed. It was probably a silly and selfish idea anyway to think you could go from one situation to the other. Maybe in time... I'm depending on the saying of "everything happens for a reason" and destiny to be true.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Sun, 10-09-2005 - 10:39am
I admire your honesty with this fellow. If it isn't happening for you it isn't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Sun, 10-09-2005 - 11:06am
Thank you for your comment. I really did and do care about him. I told him that if his feelings change about the friendship part to let me know and that I will always be here for him. I know I'm still questioning if I did the right thing. I just didn't think it was fair to get in his way of meeting other people, someone that can give him the emotional investment I know I wasn't. This may sound silly, but part of me thinks that I'm somehow going to get "paid back" for letting him go. You know, God finally sends someone along that is a really great guy and I "toss him away" because I don't have that chemistry. You begin to wonder if finding someone with whom you do have that mutal chemistry is even possible anymore. Sorry, for the rambling.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Sun, 10-09-2005 - 11:20am

>God finally sends someone along that is a really
>great guy and I "toss him away" because I don't
>have that chemistry.

I can imagine God thinking, "Gee, I really thought I had made a good match. I better leave this dating stuff to the Internet and focus on other miracles instead"

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Sun, 10-09-2005 - 11:22am

I understand what you are feeling. But think about this: you attracted one great guy into your life, which means you can attract another!

And yes, your unselfish act will be repaid. It's called good Karma, gf.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2005
Sun, 10-09-2005 - 11:26am
ROFLMAO
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 10-09-2005 - 11:26am

Hi momma,


You know, God doesn't necessarily send people in our lives that are meant to stay there. Sometimes it's done to show us what is possible. So maybe he was brought into your life to show you what was out there, not necessarily remain in your life for the rest of it?


Curious about one thing and this just may be a personal thing for me--why do you want to remain friends with him? If he's in love with you, he'll be hoping that something will start up again. And is it possible you want him around so you don't lose him or what he adds to your life? Maybe a clean break is in order to let his feelings slow down? Just a suggestion...


Please, keep us posted and feel free to share whenever you need to!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Sun, 10-09-2005 - 12:14pm

It takes a strong woman to break it off with someone you know is a "good guy" but you know you're feelings will never develop into love. I've had to do it and when you're in your 30's it is scarier as in the "unknown" but TRUST me you will find someone. It could be next month, next year or 5 years from now but if you believe in yourself and the power of love then I truly believe you will get it. Bravo for your honesty, I wish more people could be as upfront when ending a relationship instead of avoiding it.

As Amjay said, if you're a good person then Karma will return the favor.

Take care of you right now! Go do something just for you. Never second guess your gut, you did the right thing.

SP

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Sun, 10-09-2005 - 1:20pm
Thanks for your response and in answer to your question..well, there is more than one reason I'd like to stay friends. A big part is what you stated, "not wanting to lose him and what he brought to my life." I have a difficult time just letting people go. I guess I just wish that people truly could be friends "afterwards." I know I usually try to be. However, I also want to be his friend because he just moved back to the United States this past March. He lived in Japan the last 20 years and doesn't have a really good friend. He's works for the gov't and people just move around so much that true lasting friendships are hard to make. It seems a shame that because we didn't work out romantically that a friendship should be impossible. However, I am respecting his feelings and allowing him to decide what level, if any, contact he wants to have.