Just venting....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Just venting....
15
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 1:11pm

I think I'm more frustrated than angry. My current BF of 6 months has been doing this "flip-flop" for the past 3 weeks and it's diving me crazy. I had posted about this a couple of weeks ago and I really didn't think it was that big of a deal...chalked it up to just a passing phase.

The time we spend together is wonderful. It's the time in between that's causing me angst. He hardly or doesn't call/email for days. He may not always answer voice or emails. Then he'll call everyday for a few days and then the cycle starts over again.

I've asked him if anything is wrong and he says "nothing". In the book "A Fine Romance" it states that when a man responds with that it means "go away" or "Everything is fine, now leave me alone."

When I inquire about a specific instance that he didn't call he's said "I was busy seeding the lawn" or "I was running around and didn't have my cell" or everyone's favorite, "My cell was off". (Actual responses) Now I don't come on in an accusatory way. I'll say I was "concerned" or "worried". Sometimes he offers a reason without my asking.

The most recent situation is this... I spoke with him Friday evening as he was headed down to work on his boat (2.5 hours away). We had spoken everyday since Wednesday. We had a good conversation and he said he missed me and wished I could have gone with him. He said he would call on Sat to let me now if he'd be home early enough on Sun to get together.

Well, Sat came and went. I finally called him midday on Sun. Got his voice mail and asked him to call me back. (Hey, I got a life.) He never called, but responded with an email this morning. He appologized and said that working on the boat was very frustrating and that he didn't feel like talking to anyone yesterday. He'll be at a late meeting tonight (Take my word for it, it's legit.), so he won't call me unitl tomorrow. This is a simliar secnario that has played out over the past 3 weekends. Plus he acts like everything is just fine. Arrrrgggh! I could just spit!

Up until now I have continued to call/email as I usually have. But today I'm fit to be tied and I have not responed to his email and my cell is off. I really don't want to speak to him in current frame of mind. I probably wouldn't handle it well. I need to cool off first.

Thanks for letting me vent.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
In reply to: luv2004
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 7:39am

Hi...I don't have the link handy, but if you Google "CT Family Court" you'll see a link for "Party Name Inquiry" and/or "Civil/Family Case Lookup". Those will take you to a page on the court's website. You must have a last name. There are no fees.

A lot of the info is in legalese, but they also have a glossary of terms so you should be able to translate most of it. It is very easy to determine if and when the divorce was final. Of course, the divorced would have to have been filed for in CT.

Sorry, had to drive one daughter to school...edited to add:

Re: another person...I had briefly thought that as well at one point, but he has been way too open about where he is and what he's doing. He has a lot of evening business dinners and meetings. He ALWAYS tells me specificaly where he'll be and at what times. He has also told me I can check up on him anytime I like. I've never taken him up on it as my late husband maintained a similar work shcedule. You can't be suspicious in that kind of situation. You'll just drive yourself and everyone around you nuts.

Also, he has practically begged me to come with him to the boat these past few weekends, but obligations at home have prevented me from going.

I really feel he just got lazy and as SP pointed out this IS a point where he may just be reevaluating "us".

Subsequent phone convos this past week have gone well. He seems ensitive to what I want and is making an effort to stay in touch more. I think he got my point and apparently wants to do someting about it.

I will have to see how things go.

I don't recall relationships being SO hard the first time I was single! lol




Edited 4/27/2005 8:20 am ET ET by luv2004
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
In reply to: luv2004
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 9:19am

Hello Luv!!

Sure have missed being in touch with you. I relate to what you are going through. I hate this part of a relationship.

I agree with SP. He is at the point where it is either make or break this. Keeping things positive, more than likely if you make it through this....it will really lead to something deep and meaningful.

Keeping for fingers crossed for you Luv!!

Your Friend,
Jodie

 

http://tickers.ticke

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
In reply to: luv2004
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 10:53am
Thanks Jodie!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
In reply to: luv2004
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 12:06pm

Good for you and yes I don’t recall relationships being this complicated but less face it we’re at an age were time is valuable therefore we women become impatient. It seems as soon as we warm up they are warming down---almost like a cat and mouse game.

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
In reply to: luv2004
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 2:18pm

Thanks SP!

Yeah, the cricket thing would freak me out a little too. Here's a suggestion and I'm surprised that he hasn't done this already as he IS in the business. They make glass or acrylic aquariums with screend tops in all sizes (for reptiles). Why doesn't he just get one and keep the crickets in there? He can always cover it with a dark cloth to keep the light out.

The smelly sofa would also bother me. My BF is Mr. Clean (he even does dishes and windows!) and I have a lab mix who sheds like anything. But I'm usually on top of the vacuuming and he is not allowed on the sofa (um, the dog that is!) so that's not an issue for us.

And I'm only recently getting to the point where I'm doing my own thing. As long as my girls weren't missing out on anyhting, I was happy to accomodate him...path of least resistance (?). Though, I will admit that he's been fairly accomodating to me too.

He's also great with my girls and they really like him.

Yeah, so it's just this lack of "staying in touch" that was really botehring me. It was just not consistent with his previous behavior. But we're at least talking about it and he IS trying to make some changes.

I really do hope we make it over this patch. I think you said it in another post how it "just feels right". With the exception of this current situation, I feel the same way too. We just click on SO many levels and we're even at the point where we're comfortable with the "silence". No one feels they have spend all their time making idle chit chat, and yet there are times when you can't shut us up!

Good luck with the crickets!

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