Kanye West Dilemna
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| Wed, 11-16-2005 - 9:22am |
Hello guys, I'm back out there in the online world. This time I joined the Tango Wire site since Sheri mentioned their special. Thus far, have had some interesting chats with various men.
About 3 weeks ago, I chatted w/D and then we went to the telephone. Nice flowing conversation and we had our first meet and greet. It was spontaneous since he was leaving work and I was preparing for my evening workout (walk around my neighborhood); so he came by my place, parked the car, and walked the 2 miles with me while we talked. It was very nice, and I found him attractive. At the end of the date he walked me back to the elevator and tried to kiss me but I quickly gave him my cheek. He didn't call until I called 2 days later to say hello. He returned the call and we had a nice convo. During this convo, he stated he was thinking about me and had a really good time on our first meet. I was thinking "well how come you didn't call?", but then invited him to a Kanye West concert (had 2 free tickets) which takes place on the 20th. He said he would love to go and also mentioned he would like to see me again before then. It would be 2 weeks before the show. I told him my plans (my son had a birthday party on Saturday) but would be available afterwards and/or Sunday. Well the weekend came and I called him on Saturday evening (after the birthday party) to which he did not return the call until Monday evening (when I came in from work). I returned the call on Tuesday and received his voicemail. I left a message stating "haven't heard from you and are you still interested in attending the concert!"
Honestly, this guy does NOT seem interested and his lack of calling is a true sign.
Question: Do I go ahead and ask one of my other friends to attend (which I plan to do) but do I need to call him to cancel the plans? If the majority rule by stating don't call -- well what if he calls on Friday or Saturday?? I'm not really bummed about it and must admit that I'm nervous about going with him because my boss and other clients will be attending this event as well. Seemingly well educated (works as a Nurse) and was hoping to see him this past weekend for a date before the concert. Yes I got caught up in our conversation and usually don't like to invite "strangers" to an event especially where my boss and co-workers will be attending as well.
Your thoughts???

This is me, not you but I'd send an email saying something like "since I never heard from you Saturday as planned, I will assume we're off for the concert and invite someone else" - it was great meeting you and I wish you the very best in your search.
I'd basically acknowledge you had plans, he never followed through and you will continue on w/out him in a classy way. No hard feelings.....
This is dating -- try not to take it personally. He may have been on the "flip" about you that's why he didn't call you. When you called him he thought, wow, she's really nice and how sweet of her to invite me to the concert (I'm sure he doesn't get invites like that everyday, most guys don't as a rule as they do the asking out) and probably had the best intentions by wanting to see you before the concert. Perhaps after he had time to reflect and instead of being upfront and honest with you that he wasn't quite "feeling it" he decided to blow you off not to be mean because honestly it's easier to do w/out really hurting anyone's feelings (I'm not justifying it).
I think it's great you took the initiative and asked him out; I don't agree you have to wait for the man and trust me, if he was the right guy for YOU he would have appreciated it so don't stop from doing it again in the future. Life is about risks and taking chances, way too many people go by rules or guidelines which messes them up for some good spontaneous and unexpected fun.
Next!!!
SP
CL-Truewild1969
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I agree with everything Ms. Peanut said as well. Send him an email and exit gracefully. Basically he left you hanging about this past weekend and that's just not cool. It just confirms that this wasn't really the match for you.
Good Luck and have a great time at the concert!
Chele
That is the thing I've hated the most about OLD or dating in general. Men who do not follow through with anything. They don't call when they say they will or don't bother calling at all. I'm always left wondering what I said or did wrong to warrant such rude behavior. Actually, I think it is a coward's way out if the guy can't be upfront with you a bit. Hell, he could say he has plans with someone else or he could maybe "tell the truth" in that he's not ready for a real relationship. I think that is a lot of times the case but they don't even have the thought process to form that into words and let the woman know.
All I know is that I'm sick of waiting for phone calls and messages/e-mails that don't come. I have also been bold and asked guys out, but the more times it doesn't work out, the less likely I am to try again. I hope you do find someone great to go to the concert with. The guy loses out if he doesn't contact you soon. Let us know what happens.
I agree with SP about sending an email.
Your situation highlights why I don't call guys early in the dating process anymore. Doing so makes it difficult to gauge their true interest level. It's easy for them to say "yeah, sure I'll go out with you again if you're offering" when you call them...but if they were *really* interested, they'd be calling you, it wouldn't be *necessary* to call them.
Sheri
I don't see why you should even go THAT far -- sending him an email. You left him a message, he didn't respond. You don't have to be that polite with somebody who's already been rude. Why give him another chance? Ask a friend and close the door...it seems clear he's not going to suddenly come out of the woodwork and claim the ticket. If he does, too bad.
Guess I'm in a bad mood....
Great advice SP and others, and please excuse me SP if I "cut and paste" your sample email message! (smile) I don't have a problem calling a guy after meeting him, but I did put the cart before the horse by inviting him to the concert. I invited my girlfriend (who is excited) and we will have a blast! Just the fact that he blew me off (and I wasn't offended truly), I just knew that I didn't want to go or be around someone who really was not feeling me! His behavior was blatant and just wanted to bow out gracefully since I extended the concert invitation. Lesson learned.
Yes, I will do more invites, but it's wise to at least have something more established.
Truly NEXT!!!