"Keep Looking"
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"Keep Looking"
| Sun, 01-08-2006 - 7:35pm |
Got my first "keep looking - not interested" response. That stung a little. You know kind of like a mosquito bite. Took me quite a while to work up the nerve to wink in the first place. Oh well. Makes me not wanna wink anymore though.

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I assume you are talking about eHarmony b/c these are the reasons out there. As for me, Other doesn't bother me and neither does "I'd rather not say". I always figure those are default responses people have. I use "I would like to pursue other matches at eH" as my default when I don't feel it. It's true and IMO, not hurtful. The guy I mentioned on Sheri's thread that gushed about his great date and all the chemistry he had with someone he met when he didn't have the time to meet me b/c he was supposedly out of town... I used "Other" on him. No reason really fit because they don't have a "TMI, jerkwad" reason. IMO, I think the most hurtful one they have out there is "Based on statements in the profile, I am not interested in this match." That is incredibly rude and mean-spirited to me. I also don't like the "I don't feel any chemistry" because how the heck do they know? Chemistry is not something conveyed by a profile, picture or even a few emails. It comes only from meeting someone in person.
Anyhoo, I also hate Match's "Keep looking" canned email. I think it's unnecessarily harsh. I also prefer silence to the smack in the face of telling me what's wrong with me.
Maybe he's not shallow and didn't judge you on superficial things, maybe there was something in your profile that made him believe you would not be a match.
I totally disagree. I personally would rather get "Other" and draw my own conclusions than get the "I don't feel any chemistry" which to me means, "I find you..." ugly, stupid, boring (fill in your insult here) or the even more demeaning "Based on statements in the profile, I am not interested in this match." That one to me stings most of all - the first couple times, it made me go back and look at my profile and wonder what the heck was wrong with me that was SO incredibly off-putting. I don't let it bother me as much right now, but that one still stings when I occasionally get it.
Sometimes, there really isn't a reason other than you're just not feeling it. Why open a wound and rub salt in it?
I recently had one bozo that in his section titled "Something else he'd like you to know" or whatever babbled on about how important it was to make sure you looked like your picture because he'd once met a girl that didn't look anything like her picture so "let's just lay it all out there!". Well, guess what... he didn't have a picture. I closed him for not having a picture.
I did the eharmony profile deal last spring, when they had a free trial period. I was not impressed. For starters, I only got ONE match, and he lived over 300 miles from me. Secondly, unless they have changed it, I was not sent any kind of photo to even know what he looked like. I honestly believe that their profiling system actually limits (in some ways) your chances of meeting someone. I think some of the questions are fine, but honestly many of the questions I didn't feel strongly about either way and I couldn't see trying to match someone or not based on their list of qualities. And oftentimes what attracts you is somewhat different to what you "thought" you'd want in a person, so I think they have overdone the profiling system, despite their wonderful commercials.
I don't have any desire to join with eharmony as I think they probably have as many failures (or more) than successes, but you never hear about those on TV.
Personally I don't know why eharmony doesn't allow you to write your "own" even when someone closes you, you can say a final message back but they are all stupid, like "Oh I put up a picture can't you give me a second chance" just some really desperate ones. Why we aren't allowed to reply back with our own "reasoning" is stupid.
To each their own, none of the other replies bother me except for "other" and "I'd rather not say"
Maybe so, but then there is a reply that relays that. As in "I don't believe we would be a good match"
Regardless, I still think it was bizarre that he would close a match instantly without talking to anyone but expect people to email him no matter what and not to prejudge, which is what he stated in his profile, so maybe he's been shot down a lot before so he was defensive about things who knows. I just thought it was awfully telling of him.
Edited 1/9/2006 10:14 pm ET by sniffle_sally
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