"Keep Looking"
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"Keep Looking"
| Sun, 01-08-2006 - 7:35pm |
Got my first "keep looking - not interested" response. That stung a little. You know kind of like a mosquito bite. Took me quite a while to work up the nerve to wink in the first place. Oh well. Makes me not wanna wink anymore though.

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I like it as well as I like any of the online dating (which isn't saying much) I'd rather do eharmony then match.com.
I just happen not to like those two excuses.
These are the choices for closing a match:
I think our family backgrounds are too different.
I have too much happening in my life at the moment.
I don't feel that the chemistry is there.
I don't think our Must Haves and Can't Stands fit.
I think the physical distance between us is too great.
I want to pursue other matches at eharmony.
I am pursuing another relationship.
I'm just not ready for the next step.
I am taking a break from dating.
I would rather not say. (HATE THIS ONE)
This match never responded to my request to communicate.
I think the difference in age between us is too great.
I think the difference in our values is too great.
Based on statements in their profile, I'm not interested in this match.
Because there are no photos posted/I couldn't see any photos.
Because I was put on Hold.
Other (HATE THSI ONE)
Because we are communicating outside of eHarmony
Look, I am free to post my opinion as are you. I hate those ones, you don't. I'm not trying to convince you to hate them with the fiery passion I do, but I am expressing my opinion. Don't like it? Ignore me.
I guess I am trying to figure out why you hate them so much? Why are they so much more horrible than any of the others or the generic "we're not a match"? Yes, they are vague, but it's not a personal direct jab like the "Based on statements in their profile.." one which is downright mean IMO.
I happen to agree with you that they should allow a free-form both close message and a comeback message when you are closed. I was thinking that the other night after cute, intelligent chef guy closed me with the reason of "distance" when he lived about 15 minutes. But after thinking about it, I figure if he were interested, he would have overcome the distance if he'd felt it was there. More than likely, it's his generic excuse. It's a dumb one since in Dallas, you can get anywhere on the highway pretty quickly but if that's his generic one, so be it.
Edited 1/9/2006 10:36 pm ET by vexer_hw
Thing is folks... just as we have preferences, so do the people viewing us. Remember that one's opinion of you (or the reason they think the two of you won't make a good match) does not have to become your reality.
Rejection is rejection, no matter how it's stated. But one man's missed opportunity is another's dynasty. (And you can say that for women too.)
I'm not trying to convince anyone differently here, all I say is that all of you are people who have a lot of great things about them. Please don't allow some stranger to take that away, no matter their choice of wording for their rejections.
Kerry
Not sure why I need to "look" but there is no need to ignore in my opinion, you disagreed and I said you were welcome to disagree with me but my opinion stood. Not sure why you are telling me to ignore you...LOL This was suppose to be funny telling you about the blind guy.
To answer your question as to why I don't like those it's because out of all the ones they list, which are basically all the excuses you could ever need to close someone on you haven't met, choosing I'd rather not say and Other I consider rude. I consider them to be a rude response, whether it's their generic one or not, I happen to consider those two to be rude and if those people suddenly took me off close and asked me out I wouldn't give them the time of day. There is a basic answer for any reason, your ugly, I don't like your profile, you live too far away. I mean if nobody's met me yet and just closing me down from the get go, they don't have a lot to go on so they couldn't think I was a jerkwad as you did that other guy. I don't feel it's necessary to choose "Other" or "I'd rather not say" when there are plenty of reasons to choose from on that list. If we had a date and he didn't like me than okay maybe he chose "other" because it was the way I ate my soup at the restaurant. It's the same reason I hate when men GHOST, they are cowardly. I consider "I rather not say" and "Other" a cowardly response to close a match since there are reasons there. Like I said these are people I haven't even met, just people who are closing my match from reading my profile and look at my picture. If they say "Things in her profile I don't like" or "The chemistry isn't there" Which is usually they don't like your picture, then at least I feel like the guy is being upfront with me. But Other and the other one just seems cowardly and leaves me guessing, which is NEVER a good thing. LOL I have a pretty thick skin so I can take "rejection" even if it's rude, just as long as it is honest. I am one of those rare people that do NOT like ghosting...I think it's rude...so this smacks of the same thing, a cowardly way too shut it down. I tell the truth when I shut matches down, it's usually due to photos not being posted or the distance, because they have me matched with people in CT and I live on the NH border much too far for me to commute for a date. We all have little pet peeves in the dating world, those two happen to be mine that's all. I also thought it was interesting that he went on and on in his post about giving him a chance and not to write him off because of his blindness and that he's a great guy to give a chance too yet didn't give the same courtesy to me. Here at work we get a big kick out of it, when someone here says "Oh this guy said he wasn't interested I guess I wasn't cute enough" I say "Well I'm so ugly even a blind guy rejected me" It's a huge running joke, A) because I'm not ugly and B) it's really funny.
Maybe we should write a letter and tell eH that we would like our own "blank" section to write our reasoning. I could swear a few years ago they had that.
Edited 1/10/2006 7:46 am ET by sniffle_sally
Oh goodness become your reality? Do people actually think like that? nobody can take anything "away" from me, I'm not that fragile. It can still irk me without devastating me. I've been doing OLD way too long to cower in a corner and cry about an unknown man on the other side of the computer.
It can still irk me though when someone chooses a "reason" that seems rude. And this post seemed to be funny until it got all serious with the back and forth WHY DON'T YOU LIKE IT. I was posting a funny, hey a friggin BLIND guy closed me...what could get worse than a man that can't even SEE you dropping you like a hot potato. LOL
I thought people would get a laugh and instead I got "Don't worry dear..." messages...good grief...not everything is that serious...come people LAUGH would you, if you think about the absurdity of it, a blind guy dropping you who goes on for days about not judging him too quickly and giving him a chance, not giving the same courtesy it's pretty friggin funny.
Sally, I got the humor of the blind guy, didn't get the humor in the rest of the posts. Was trying to calm tensions which is my job here--sorry it was taken the wrong way.
Have a great day.
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